I write down little things people tell me about themselves. A trip. Something about their family. Something they are looking forward to. When we speak again, that gives me a real question I can ask.
These notes are separate from the business we have to get through. I can know the agenda and also remember the person I will be speaking with.
Where do the details come from?
In the conversation with Don, I described the five minutes before the work begins and the five minutes as a call is wrapping up. A person says something casually. That is often where I hear the details I want to remember.
I used the example of somebody going out west to a ranch. Great, I'm writing that down. The next time we talk, I can bring it up. I haven't had to invent a topic or guess what matters to them.
The information comes from a previous conversation. The next question gives us somewhere to begin this one.
The example about a client's daughter
I asked Don whether his boss made small talk with clients. He said his boss asked about their families. I asked what that sounded like, and he described quick questions about their sons or daughters.
So I said to write down the children's names. Write down a detail such as being in college. Next time, there is something to ask: how is she liking college? How is that experience going?
Those were examples I suggested. The point was to remember something the person had actually mentioned, then take an interest in what happened afterward.
Why was I doing it?
I told Don I was doing this for my speech. I wanted personalized things to ask about so I could start the call strongly. The first exchange could take some of the pressure away from the question of when I would speak.
It was also a way to give the other person a subject they knew. They could talk about their own experience. Then I had something to listen to and follow up on.
I had spent so much time trying to predict words that I wanted a different place to start. A real detail about another person gave me that.
Public information can provide another opening
In the same discussion, I suggested looking for something newsworthy about a client before a call, where it would feel appropriate to mention it. I used congratulating someone on the sale of a business as an example.
That was a possible opening, not a requirement to bring up everything I could find. I was talking about a small, natural question or comment that let us start speaking.
The notes don't write the conversation
I still have to hear what the person says. The ranch trip might go one way, and the conversation about a daughter might go another. Remembering the detail gives me a starting point; it doesn't give me their answer.
Don said he wanted to start putting this into practice and join meetings early enough to have those exchanges. That connects the notes to the opening of a meeting: a person arrives, I remember something relevant, I ask, and then we talk.
That is the preparation I mean here. I remember what they have shared so the next conversation has a little history already.