# What do I write down before another client conversation?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

I write down little things people tell me about themselves. A trip. Something about their family. Something they are looking forward to. When we speak again, that gives me a real question I can ask.

These notes are separate from the business we have to get through. I can know the agenda and also remember the person I will be speaking with.

## Where do the details come from?

In the conversation with Don, I described the five minutes before the work begins and the five minutes as a call is wrapping up. A person says something casually. That is often where I hear the details I want to remember.

I used the example of somebody going out west to a ranch. Great, I'm writing that down. The next time we talk, I can bring it up. I haven't had to invent a topic or guess what matters to them.

The information comes from a previous conversation. The next question gives us somewhere to begin this one.

## The example about a client's daughter

I asked Don whether his boss made small talk with clients. He said his boss asked about their families. I asked what that sounded like, and he described quick questions about their sons or daughters.

So I said to write down the children's names. Write down a detail such as being in college. Next time, there is something to ask: how is she liking college? How is that experience going?

Those were examples I suggested. The point was to remember something the person had actually mentioned, then take an interest in what happened afterward.

## Why was I doing it?

I told Don I was doing this for my speech. I wanted personalized things to ask about so I could start the call strongly. The first exchange could take some of the pressure away from the question of when I would speak.

It was also a way to give the other person a subject they knew. They could talk about their own experience. Then I had something to [listen to and follow up on](/following-up-in-a-conversation).

I had spent so much time trying to predict words that I wanted a different place to start. A real detail about another person gave me that.

## Public information can provide another opening

In the same discussion, I suggested looking for something newsworthy about a client before a call, where it would feel appropriate to mention it. I used congratulating someone on the sale of a business as an example.

That was a possible opening, not a requirement to bring up everything I could find. I was talking about a small, natural question or comment that let us start speaking.

## The notes don't write the conversation

I still have to hear what the person says. The ranch trip might go one way, and the conversation about a daughter might go another. Remembering the detail gives me a starting point; it doesn't give me their answer.

Don said he wanted to start putting this into practice and join meetings early enough to have those exchanges. That connects the notes to [the opening of a meeting](/stuttering-in-meetings): a person arrives, I remember something relevant, I ask, and then we talk.

That is the preparation I mean here. I remember what they have shared so the next conversation has a little history already.

## Related answers

- [What do I reach for when I am suddenly put on the spot?](/stuttering-when-put-on-the-spot)

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