Look at what happens before the conversation, what I actually say, and what happens next. I want you to understand why I chose an opening and what I did when the other person said something I hadn't planned.
Starting with something we can both see
In the grocery-store recording, a man was looking at cookies. I commented on the cookies. Afterward I explained what I was looking for: a natural opening based on something we had in common or could both see.
That's an example of how I start. I see something in front of us and say something about it. Then I have to deal with the response I actually get.
Taking one opening inside a crowd
In the market recording, I see somebody miss a trash can and make a comment. I had already talked to people on the way from my car. Those little conversations were part of how I got myself going.
I walk through the crowd finding a person and something to say. There are people I have met before and people I haven't. That's what I am showing when I talk about practicing in a crowd.
Asking for something I came to buy
In the pizza-dough exchange, I ask where to find fresh dough, ask whether it is in the bakery, and follow up about sauce and cheese. Then I say, “perfect thank you very much.”
I needed pizza dough. That gave me a reason to speak. It was a quick exchange, and I connected it to talking to somebody each day.
Ordering a coffee and saying my name
In the coffee recording, I ask for a pour-over, make my choice, say it is for here, and say, “my name is Craig.” Then I thank the person.
My name had been so hard for me. Here I was placing an ordinary order while explaining my story.
Changing the order when the answer surprises me
At another place, I ask for a Jack and Coke and find out they don't have liquor. I'd forgotten. So I ask for a Stella. Then I find out they don't take cash, and I ask whether I can tip in cash.
There are several things to work out after the first request. I have to hear the answer and respond to it. That's the actual exchange I describe in that recording.
A comment can stay a comment
In the bookstore piece, I talk about a comment that didn't turn into a conversation. That was fine. Sometimes it's short and we walk away. Sometimes someone answers and we keep talking.
I've also said I failed a lot while learning this. I could be trying to speak spontaneously, somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked. Those attempts are part of my story too.
Why I explain the moment before and afterward
When I was discussing a possible outing with someone, I wanted them to watch me, try speaking themselves, and then talk about what happened. I said I would come back and explain what I did, why I said it and how I did it.
I called the time before an approach and the time afterward valuable. That was the outing I was proposing. I also said it would be a trial run, because I hadn't done that kind of work with someone yet.
What did I notice? What did I say? What answer came back? What did I do with it? That is the work I want to show and explain.