Conversation & practice

Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation?

No. I used to feel like I did, because I was insecure. If the other person went quiet, I'd start filling the gap and keep talking.

What I learned was that I wasn't under an obligation to fill every silence. The other person could say something. Or there could simply be a natural pause.

I'm talking about an ordinary pause in a conversation here. I specifically distinguished that from a silent stuttering block when I explained it. A gap between things being said doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong.

For me, this was part of learning the art of conversation. I had spent so much time thinking about how to get words out that I hadn't learned some of the normal parts of being with another person and talking.

I could say a sentence, a phrase, or a few sentences, and then give the conversation room. I didn't have to keep performing just because it went quiet.

That realization took some pressure away from the idea that every second depended on me. Sometimes the other person speaks next. Sometimes we pause. I can be there without rushing to fill the whole space.

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