# Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

No. I used to feel like I did, because I was insecure. If the other person went quiet, I'd start filling the gap and keep talking.

What I learned was that I wasn't under an obligation to fill every silence. The other person could say something. Or there could simply be a natural pause.

I'm talking about an ordinary pause in a conversation here. I specifically distinguished that from [a silent stuttering block](/stuttering-blocks) when I explained it. A gap between things being said doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong.

For me, this was part of learning the art of conversation. I had spent so much time thinking about how to get words out that I hadn't learned some of the normal parts of being with another person and talking.

I could say a sentence, a phrase, or a few sentences, and then give the conversation room. [I didn't have to keep performing](/pressure-to-speak-quickly-when-you-stutter) just because it went quiet.

That realization took some pressure away from the idea that every second depended on me. Sometimes the other person speaks next. Sometimes we pause. I can be there without rushing to fill the whole space.

## Related answers

- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)
- [How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech?](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech)
- [What did I learn from a hostile encounter while practicing?](/hostile-listeners-and-stuttering)

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