I went into an embroidery store to get a custom patch made. I was in my twenties, helping a friend who had a clothing company and designed things for surfers and skaters. The patch was for a hat.
When I spoke to the man in charge, I stuttered badly over my name. He smirked. I got a bad feeling in my stomach. I knew something was wrong, but I stayed.
Then he called over another man who worked there and asked me to tell him my name too. He had just heard how hard it was for me to say it. Now I felt as though I was there to entertain them.
I said it again
I didn't know how to stand up for myself in that moment. I didn't know that I could say no or walk away. I felt intimidated and trapped, so I tried again. I blocked worse and pushed through it.
I left feeling like crap. When I tell the story, I am very clear about what I wish I had done: leave the store when I felt that something was wrong.
The first demand for my name was already hard. The second demand, after he called over his buddy, was another moment when I could have chosen to leave. I didn't take that choice.
Why I tell this while talking about practice
I retold the experience during the market recording because I was explaining how I had learned to pay attention to the situation around me. The embroidery encounter happened earlier, in the store. The market was where I was talking about it.
I wanted to explain that going out and practicing also involved learning whom I wanted to speak with and which interactions I did not want to continue. I hadn't known how to do that when I was younger.
In other conversations, I've said directly that I can walk away from an interaction. With Don, when we discussed an optional practice outing, I said we could read the room and leave. We could look for a better environment.
That was part of the choice available on that outing. I was looking for a place where we could practice, and we could move if it wasn't going well.
The lesson I took from this particular encounter
I had felt the warning and ignored it. I wished I had listened to it and had the courage to leave. That is the meaning I gave this story.
The other side of my practice was learning to take an opening and speak while I felt nervous. Both experiences are in my account: the effort to approach and the effort to recognize when I wanted to stop.
This is one of the stories behind the judgment I later used in public. I wanted to learn how to talk and live in the world, and that included learning that I did not owe those two men another attempt at my name.