I challenged myself to talk to one new person per day. I was about 14 and still stuttering. I didn't call it the Once-a-Day Challenge at the time. That is the name I use for it now.
I had noticed a small difference. When somebody approached me, I felt intimidated. When I approached them, my speech was a little better. It was still hard, but I had found somewhere to start.
How did I do it before I could drive?
If I was out at a store with my parents, I could ask a store employee a question. At school, I could talk to a teacher or another employee I didn't know. Once I could drive, I had more chances to go out and do it.
The places I meant were ordinary places, like a grocery store or Target. I was practicing a respectful approach. It was as much about getting myself to approach as it was about what I said when I got there.
What can one of those conversations look like?
In the grocery-store video, I walked in and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on how good they looked. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked him, “how about you?”
He said he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I replied, “But you still look at it. Smart.” That was the exchange. Then I explained what had happened: we were looking at the same thing, I said something about it, and his reply gave me something to respond to.
There was no perfect opening I had prepared before walking in. The person was there. The cookies were there. I found the conversation in the situation.
The work continued when they answered
I used to spend the other person's turn planning mine. What word would I have to say? What could I avoid? I was thinking about speech while barely hearing the conversation.
So part of the practice was learning to give my attention to what they actually said. Ask something, hear it, and answer. Those simple parts could feel very difficult while I was nervous.
I wasn't waiting for perfect speech. I blocked, I missed openings and sometimes I wasn't quick enough. I was learning while those things were still happening.
Why did I choose strangers?
For me, a stranger felt like a fresh start. Someone who already knew me could bring up the memory of stuttering in front of them. I could feel as if they expected it before I even opened my mouth.
Someone I had never met hadn't heard my speech before. I liked getting that first interaction. That was my reason for doing much of this practice with people I didn't know.
What did I do after missing a day?
If I missed a day, I would make it up by talking to two people the next day. I was relentless about this because working on my speech was such a big part of my life.
That is the commitment I described making. I've also talked about backing down and difficult days. The struggle belongs in the account alongside how determined I was.
What did the practice become later?
Over time, talking with people became much more habitual. I described speaking with the clerk and the person bagging the groceries, or talking with ten or twelve strangers during a day of travel. I kept thinking of it as practice and keeping my tools sharp.
I also valued what could happen when I returned to the same places. Someone wasn't quite a stranger the next time. We could talk again. The relationships became part of what I enjoyed about being out in the world.
The first commitment was one new person a day. The life I wanted was bigger than getting through that one exchange. I wanted to be able to talk, take part and enjoy being with people.