I wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk.
I had help from kind people in speech therapy. I appreciated that. But I was still struggling when I went back into my ordinary life, and I wanted to work out what I could carry into those situations.
Another person can change the whole exchange
A conversation has somebody else's words in it. I can know the subject and have a few things in mind, but I don't know exactly what the person will say.
That was hard for me because I wanted to control it. I would plan what they might ask, what I would answer and which words might be difficult. When they were actually talking, I could still be working through my own next sentence.
Learning to let go of some of that planning felt like a leap. I wanted to hear the conversation and find my words as it happened. I failed a lot of times while learning. Somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked.
The order changed after I started talking
In one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The person told me they didn't have liquor and could make me a Coke. I had forgotten. I had been there another night and had a beer. So I asked for a Stella.
Then I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash. They said I could. There were practical things to work out after I had already made my first request.
I said, “So, see, this is real life. That was fun.” I knew what I had wanted to order, but I had to hear what was available and respond. The conversation had changed while we were having it.
There was more than one skill to practice
Getting myself to approach was one part. Asking a question was another. Then I had to listen, respond and learn to be there while I felt nervous.
I could also learn from an exchange that stayed short. In the bookstore recording, I talked about a comment that did not become a conversation. It was fine. I wasn't trying to turn every person I passed into a long discussion.
The daily commitment gave me repeated chances to do this. Before I could drive, I used opportunities at stores with my parents or at school. Later, I could go to more places myself.
I had to find out what held up outside the book
I read ideas and tried them in classrooms, at work, on calls and in conversations. I failed more often than I found success at first. Over time, I built on what worked and refined my own way of doing things.
That is what I mean when I say the ideas can sound simple and the practice can take a long time. Understanding a sentence and using it in a situation were different parts of my work.
What I meant when we discussed exposure
In a conversation about practicing, I said, “Let's call it exposure therapy but with the goal of fluency.” I was explaining the intention I brought to going out: I wanted to work on how I approached, how I talked and how I felt in an exchange.
That phrase describes how I explained my own practice in that conversation. The work I am describing here is concrete: go somewhere, ask something, hear the answer and learn from what happens. Preparing had a place, and so did the actual attempt.