# Why did I have to practice in real conversations?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

I wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk.

I had help from kind people in speech therapy. I appreciated that. But I was still struggling when I went back into my ordinary life, and I wanted to work out what I could carry into those situations.

## Another person can change the whole exchange

A conversation has somebody else's words in it. I can know the subject and have a few things in mind, but I don't know exactly what the person will say.

That was hard for me because I wanted to control it. I would plan what they might ask, what I would answer and which words might be difficult. When they were actually talking, I could still be working through my own next sentence.

Learning to let go of some of that planning felt like a leap. I wanted to hear the conversation and find my words as it happened. I failed a lot of times while learning. Somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked.

## The order changed after I started talking

In one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The person told me they didn't have liquor and could make me a Coke. I had forgotten. I had been there another night and had a beer. So I asked for a Stella.

Then I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash. They said I could. There were practical things to work out after I had already made my first request.

I said, “So, see, this is real life. That was fun.” I knew what I had wanted to order, but I had to hear what was available and respond. The conversation had changed while we were having it.

## There was more than one skill to practice

Getting myself to approach was one part. Asking a question was another. Then I had to listen, respond and learn to be there while I felt nervous.

I could also learn from an exchange that stayed short. In the bookstore recording, I talked about a comment that did not become a conversation. It was fine. I wasn't trying to turn every person I passed into a long discussion.

[The daily commitment](/daily-stuttering-practice) gave me repeated chances to do this. Before I could drive, I used opportunities at stores with my parents or at school. Later, I could go to more places myself.

## I had to find out what held up outside the book

I read ideas and tried them in classrooms, at work, on calls and in conversations. I failed more often than I found success at first. Over time, I built on what worked and refined my own way of doing things.

That is what I mean when I say the ideas can sound simple and the practice can take a long time. Understanding a sentence and using it in a situation were different parts of my work.

## What I meant when we discussed exposure

In a conversation about practicing, I said, “Let's call it exposure therapy but with the goal of fluency.” I was explaining the intention I brought to going out: I wanted to work on how I approached, how I talked and how I felt in an exchange.

That phrase describes how I explained my own practice in that conversation. The work I am describing here is concrete: go somewhere, ask something, hear the answer and learn from what happens. [Preparing](/preparing-without-scripting) had a place, and so did the actual attempt.

## Related answers

- [What is my Once-a-Day Challenge?](/daily-stuttering-practice)
- [Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech?](/positive-thinking-and-stuttering)

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