The name I chose was Steve. At Bold Bean in Jacksonville, I loved ordering a pour-over coffee. The problem was that the baristas asked for my name, and I was so nervous about saying it.
Steve was easier for me. Words starting with the letter s caused me to stutter less. Humiliating, yes, but it's what I did time and time again.
What was I trying to do?
The barista needed a name to call out so I could pick up my order. In that situation, I would rather choose a name I could say than force my way through my own name.
I was thinking about momentum through the day. That is how I have explained the choice. Fluency above all else is one of my philosophies, and I speak strongly about it.
Some people disagree with using another name. I think that objection is bullshit when the name is just there to collect an order. That was the choice I was describing.
Another choice I wrote about
At my favorite coffee shop, I also used a longer form of my own first name, rather than the short form I tended to go by. Why did I do that? Because it was easier for me to say. That is another choice I described in my notes.
What if using another name feels worse to you?
Someone pushed back on this in a group call. He said he would rather stutter on his real name than use a fake one. He didn't want to feel like a fraud. He said using another name would bother him more when he went to bed.
I stayed firm about why I preferred the easier name for an order. But I also said, “And that's fine,” and told him to do whatever felt right for him. I wanted to be respectful while we disagreed.
He could see my point about momentum and still had reservations about the name. When he asked again about feeling worse at night, I explained how I would think about the choice: carrying good speech through the day. That was my reason for doing it. I also said I respected that he might not agree.
When the real name matters
I've also said that when a person in authority needs your real name, you give your real name. The name for a cup of coffee was the particular opportunity I was talking about.
In that same explanation, I said I still said other words I blocked on. My name was especially hard for me. Choosing Steve for an order was something I actually did while working on the rest of my speech.
I have judged that choice harshly too
I have also written about this same choice much more harshly. In one draft, I wrote, “The fake name I used was Steve.” I then called it “quitting and finding an easy way out.” In that passage, I said I was sick of people laughing, snickering or smirking when I struggled to say my name.
In a separate discussion, I said using a fake name was something “that I highly encourage while they work on how to beat their stutter.” I explained it in terms of carrying momentum through the day. Those are both things I have said about the choice.
Here is the distinction I want to make now: my embarrassment describes how I felt about myself; an easier name can still serve the practical purpose of collecting an order. Calling myself a quitter was a harsh judgment, and I do not want to make that a judgment about you. You can choose an order name or choose to say your own. When your real identity matters, the information must be accurate.