Yes. I was still scared when I put up my hand in the yoga class and said, “I will go first.”
I was there with a friend I liked. There were about thirty people, and we were going around introducing ourselves and telling an embarrassing story. My heart dropped when I heard what we were going to do.
I thought about finding a way out. But in that moment, I chose to volunteer. I told the story, and I said afterward that I was still scared. I preferred going first to sitting there counting how many people were left before my turn.
I also felt it in the birthday-table story
In the raw account of approaching the table of sixteen women, I say my heart was racing. I had learned to keep speaking with some nervousness there.
I also described how practice hadn't felt easier immediately. I recalled a period of roughly six months or a year when it still felt hard. That is my approximate recollection, not a timetable I can give someone else.
My phrase was to feel the fear and do it. I had spent a lot of time avoiding the situations that made me nervous, and learning to approach was difficult.
The work presentations included nerves too
There were seven town-hall panels over two days, with four days to prepare. I worked hard. I said I did well, and I said I was very nervous.
In the short gaps, I often went to the bathroom and played my pump-up music. I was using something I knew while there were still more sessions ahead of me. The town-hall account keeps that detail in the story.
What was I doing before I spoke?
I worked on how I arrived. Music could change how I felt on the way there. Recalling a small better speaking experience gave me something besides the humiliating memories to think about.
Smaller conversations helped me get going. At the market, I had already spoken with people before entering the busy part. I wanted to give myself a better starting point.
I was specific about the role of music: it didn't fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was part of what I did to feel a little less intimidated.
That was different from where I began
Early on, I only noticed that approaching a stranger felt slightly better than being approached. Slightly. I was still stuttering. I took that small difference and practiced with it.
There were failed attempts. I blocked or wasn't quick enough. I kept trying to learn how to be in a real conversation while I felt the nerves.
Those details belong beside the speech you hear from me now. I did not begin with the confidence you sometimes see in a recording. I learned through particular situations, including ones where the fear was still present.