I still wasn't speaking the way I wanted in the places that mattered to me.
I had speech therapy for years as a child, and I also did a semester of work with a graduate student in college. There were kind people in that experience. I remember that, and it mattered to me.
But my own speech outside the room was still a struggle. At school, in front of people, and later in work situations, I wanted something I could keep using when I didn't control what was about to happen.
That was the problem I became obsessed with: how could I have the speech I wanted in real life?
I began trying things around confidence, how I talked to myself, how I prepared, and how I entered an actual conversation. Then I practiced. There were failures and changes along the way. It took me a long time.
This is the history behind the way I talk about my work. I'm describing what I experienced and what I kept looking for.
I cared about being able to walk into the next situation and speak. That question kept me working after the help I'd already had.
What did I actually practice in therapy?
I made phone calls to ask stores what time they closed. I breathed on a tissue to work on breath and control. I worked on easy onsets to try to get words out that were hard for me.
I practiced what I was taught. What frustrated me was my own speech outside the office: at school the next day, in college, at work, with friends, or when I talked to a girl. Those were the places where I wanted it to work.
Why those telephone exercises felt difficult to me
I remember calling the same stores over and over to ask when they closed. I already knew the answer. It could be Tuesday night, and I knew the store closed at nine.
I disliked making those calls, and having somebody hear me make them was harder still. I described it as next to impossible for me at the time.