Two inches tall is how I described feeling intimidated before I spoke. Someone could have authority, and I would feel tiny in front of them. My name was already difficult, and now the importance I gave the other person made the whole situation feel bigger.
Ten feet tall is the feeling I wanted to learn: confidence, presence, being willing to use my voice. I was describing how the situation felt to me.
A little less intimidated was still a difference
When I explained this to Gloria, I said I didn't mean that she had to feel no intimidation. I wanted her to feel less of it. Going in at two or three feet tall, instead of two inches, was the way I put it.
I knew the humiliation and the difficulty of trying to talk while I felt small. I wanted to work on the state I brought in with me.
The caller who said he warmed up
During another conversation, a caller described making practice calls. I asked about the beginning. He said he gradually felt more comfortable after more calls.
I asked whether that meant he had gone from two inches to five inches. He said four. I told him I wanted him to start three feet tall. He then said he hadn't tried that preparation and had mostly been going in cold.
That is the exchange behind the image. He was reporting that successive calls became more comfortable. I was asking him to try changing how he felt before the first one.
What could I actually do before speaking?
Music was one thing I used. The idea came from music I played when I ran or worked out. I tried bringing that energy into how I felt before a call or before going somewhere to talk.
I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. I wanted to give myself a better chance than spending the drive replaying my worst memories.
Smaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already talked to people on the walk from my car. When I spoke about going out at night, I described having been talking around town earlier. I liked getting going before the bigger setting.
That is momentum in my account. I built it through the things I did and the thoughts I carried.
I could still feel nervous
In the yoga class, I raised my hand and volunteered to introduce myself first. I said I was still scared. I preferred taking that opening to counting down the people before my turn.
So the size words belong to those experiences: feeling intimidated, wanting to change how I arrived, and learning to use my voice while some nerves were still there. The yoga story shows one particular moment when I made that choice.