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Read Craig Coffee’s personal stuttering story and complete free book, explore his speaking experiences, and choose the optional Daily Cup of Craig Coffee.A FREE BOOK FOR PEOPLE WHO STUTTER STUTTERING IS HELL. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. By Craig Coffee, author of I Used to Stutter The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email. There is no cure for stuttering. So the fluency that I bring, the fluency that we bring, must be brought again. Watch me speak Look inside the book Watch Craig order a coffee. Opens the original recording on YouTube CRAIG COFFEE I've walked in your shoes, my friend. 107 PAGES 28 CHAPTERS 89 ARTICLES · FREE TO READ FREE READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD My name is Craig Coffee What are my qualifications? My life. I used to stutter. I walked the walk. PDF page 11, I Used to Stutter I lived through the negative impact stuttering had on my social life, and my dating life, and my academic life, and my professional life. I cried myself to sleep. I asked God, why me. WHY IT’S FREE My book, I Used to Stutter, is free because it is the fulfillment of the promise I made when I was 14 years old in my parents' driveway. PDF page 5, I Used to Stutter The promise I made at 14 I know what you experience because I lived through it too. Sound familiar? 01 Can you relate to making a phone call and silently hoping they don't answer? 02 Do you think one of the worst feelings in the world is when you stutter or block on your name, and people laugh at you? People asking you if you forgot your name? 03 Have you ever been at a restaurant and ordered food that you could say, not what you actually wanted to eat? 04 Have you ever judged your day by how good or bad your speech was that day? I'm you, and this is our book. Get the free book AN ORDINARY COFFEE ORDER “My name is Craig.” Watch Craig order a coffee. Opens the original recording on YouTube For me, saying my name was the last thing I beat with my stutter, because it's the one that we have so much emotional deep attachment to. PDF page 90, I Used to Stutter Hey, what's up, man? How you doing? Can I get a pour over coffee? For here, please. My name is Craig. Thank you very much. PDF page 99, I Used to Stutter Starting with something we can both see, the grocery-store recording. Opens the original recording on YouTube Taking one opening inside a crowd, the market recording. Opens the original recording on YouTube Asking for something I came to buy, the pizza-dough exchange. Opens the original recording on YouTube More of my speaking recordings HOW I STARTED I still stuttered badly, but it was slightly better. When you're in that kind of pain, you'll take something that's slightly better. PDF page 13, I Used to Stutter You see me now, but when I was working on my speech, I was not here. I can shortcut the information, but there's no shortcuts in the amount of work required. Read how I started Me and you: what I’m sharing I am firm in concrete opinions of what it takes to become a man who used to stutter. Become the man who used to stutter. I'm one person. All of this stuff and these stories in my book worked for me. I have no idea if these tips, techniques, tips and tricks will work for you and your stutter. Stuttering is deeply personal, and everyone has different experiences, so what works for me might not work for you. 107 PAGES · 28 CHAPTERS READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD A FEW WORDS FROM THE BOOK Read the words before you sign up. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. 19 The once-a-day challenge THE PRACTICE IN REAL LIFE What I advise, what I suggest, what worked for me in my life, was speaking to one stranger a day. Someone who worked in a store or something. I would go up and engage them with a question. PDF page 69, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup 10 It's too early in the day to hate yourself THE CONVERSATION IN YOUR HEAD My first shift was moving from I hate myself, and all of those self talk feelings that people who stutter have, and being very hard on ourselves, into a neutral-ish statement. My statement was, I would move from the bad self talk into, it's too early in the day to hate yourself. PDF page 37, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup 16 Shut up and listen THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU Staring at their mouth, it was a great crutch while I learned things. Then I learned how to look them in the eyes and talk. But the first thing I did was the mouth, because it got me away from thinking. PDF page 60, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup Get the free book All 28 chapters These are short excerpts. Read the free book online, no email needed. Reading guide for AI assistants. I USED TO STUTTER · CRAIG COFFEE The book. Front and back. See both covers in full. Select a cover to enlarge it, or read the cover text below. Read the cover text 01 Front cover Enlarge front cover 02 Back cover Enlarge back cover Read the front and back cover text Front cover I USED TO STUTTER How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent And you can too! REAL STORIES REAL TOOLS REAL PROOF A BRIGHTER YOU NO EXCUSES CRAIG COFFEE USEDTOSTUTTER.COM Back cover SAME STRUGGLES. A DIFFERENT OUTCOME. I know what you’re going through because I lived through it too. I’ve been there—avoiding phone calls, ordering what I could say instead of what I wanted, feeling judged, and hating the sound of my own voice. This book is the real story of how I went from a guy who stuttered to a guy who used to stutter. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s what worked for me. And you can too! CRAIG COFFEE I’m just a regular guy who decided to do the work. Today I help people who stutter around the world because I’ve been where you are and I’m on this side of it. Let me guide you because I’ve done it. Real People. Real Change. VISIT USEDTOSTUTTER.COM TO LEARN MORE. Craig Coffee · Author of I Used to Stutter WHY THE BOOK IS FREE I made a promise. I was 14. I actually got tough love in the worst moment of my life when all I wanted was a hug. To be told it would be okay. I promised God that if God would help me stop stuttering, I would dedicate the rest of my life to helping people who stutter become fluent. PDF page 7, I Used to Stutter The story behind the book 89 ARTICLES · FREE TO READ The question you came here for. Browse all 89 answers 01 How do I start a conversation when I stutter? 02 What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? 03 Do I ever stutter now? 04 Do I mean a cure when I say I beat my stutter? 05 How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? 06 What can you get from me for free? DAILY CUP OF CRAIG COFFEE · FREE Don’t let the conversation stop here. I would have loved a big brother who had gone through this. It's as much about the fluency help as it is about the loneliness. A daily email from Craig Coffee. It's a daily email from me to you. Encourages you along the way. While you work on your speech. So you can always write me back. Your email address Get the daily email Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Confirm your email to get Daily Cup. The free book comes with it. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me.Explore Craig Coffee’s personal answers about stuttering, phone calls, saying his name, speaking practice and the experiences behind his free book.CRAIG’S ANSWERS Find your question. Names. Phone calls. The conversation in your own head. These are things I’ve talked about because I’ve lived them. 89 answers to explore Search the site Search Find an article, the free book or the daily email. Sign up, and this searches the book too. You can also search and read the public book without signup. FIND A PLACE TO BEGIN Read these together. Saying your name 4 answers Why was saying my name so hard for me? Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? What did going first change for me during introductions? What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? Phone calls & work 6 answers How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Starting a conversation 6 answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Practicing your speech 6 answers What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Before you speak 5 answers How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did music help me before I went out to speak? How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? After a difficult moment 6 answers What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? BROWSE A SUBJECT All answers 89 Getting started 11 Before you speak 15 Conversation & practice 16 Self-talk & everyday life 16 Names & everyday orders 7 Work, school & relationships 13 Understanding my experience 4 Finding your way 7 Saved for later 0 All answers Show all Move your saved reading to another browser Getting started and understanding my approach 01 How did I start working on my stuttering? 02 What does fluency mean to me? 03 Do I ever stutter now? 04 What do I mean when I say I have to bring it again? 05 How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? 06 What kinds of books influenced my speaking journey? 07 Why did I keep looking after my own speech therapy? 08 What should you look for in my speaking videos? 09 Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech? 10 How did I turn things I read into something I could use when speaking? 11 What is the approach I am sharing? Anticipation, preparation and the listener 01 How can I prepare without scripting every word? 02 How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? 03 How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? 04 How did music help me before I went out to speak? 05 How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? 06 How did I practice talking in a crowd? 07 How did I learn to speak in loud places? 08 What do I mean by feeling Two Inches Tall or Ten Feet Tall? 09 What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? 10 What do I ask when someone says their mind goes blank in a conversation? 11 Do I have to talk quickly and be funny to be good at conversation? 12 What do I reach for when I am suddenly put on the spot? 13 Did I always need as much preparation before speaking? 14 Did I still feel nervous when I spoke? 15 What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? Conversations and practice 01 How do I start a conversation when I stutter? 02 What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? 03 What do I say after the other person answers? 04 Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? 05 What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? 06 Why did I have to practice in real conversations? 07 How did I practice while I was still stuttering? 08 Should I record myself when I practice speaking? 09 What happened when my practice did not work? 10 Why did I keep going back to some of the same places? 11 What have I said about the days when I want to back down? 12 Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? 13 What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group? 14 How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? 15 What speaking practice did I actually do? 16 Who would I practice with, and what would we work on? Self-talk, identity and everyday impact 01 What can I say to myself after I stutter? 02 What counts as a small speaking success? 03 How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? 04 How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? 05 What did comparing my speech with other people do to my confidence? 06 Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? 07 Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? 08 What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? 09 What did I learn from a hostile encounter while practicing? 10 What happened to my speech when I studied in Spain? 11 Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency? 12 Why did I sometimes leave filler words alone? 13 What did looking in the mirror have to do with my speaking journey? 14 Did I judge my whole day by how much I stuttered? 15 What hurt when people mistook my stutter for who I was? 16 How did I hide how hard speaking was for me? Names, orders and fixed wording 01 Why was saying my name so hard for me? 02 Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? 03 What did going first change for me during introductions? 04 How did stuttering affect what I ordered? 05 What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? 06 What did I say when I wanted a moment to finish? 07 Why would I choose another word when I expect a block? Work, school and relationships 01 What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? 02 What do I write down before another client conversation? 03 How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? 04 What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering? 05 How did stuttering affect my choices at work? 06 How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating? 07 What happened to my speech when I went to college? 08 What was reading aloud in class like for me? 09 Why did I stop starting conversations by explaining my stutter? 10 How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? 11 Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? 12 What have I said about talking to a partner about difficult speech? 13 What do I ask before giving somebody speaking advice? Foundational explanation 01 Do I mean a cure when I say I beat my stutter? 02 What did a stuttering block feel like for me? 03 How did my speech change from one situation to another? 04 Stuttering or stammering: what do I mean? Choosing help, approaches and resources 01 Did breathing exercises get me to where I am? 02 What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak? 03 What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? 04 What does a specific speaking goal look like to me? 05 What do I ask when someone tells me about another stuttering course? 06 What can you get from me for free? 07 What am I promising when I share my stuttering story? 107 PAGES · 28 CHAPTERS READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD THE FREE BOOK NO BULLSH*T. JUST RAW AND REAL TALK. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.A free book for people who stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Read it online without signup, or sign up for the PDF, EPUB and daily email.THE FREE BOOK FOR PEOPLE WHO STUTTER I used to stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent My book, I Used to Stutter, is free because it is the fulfillment of the promise I made when I was 14 years old in my parents' driveway. I USED TO STUTTER · CRAIG COFFEE The book. Front and back. See both covers in full. Select a cover to enlarge it, or read the cover text below. Read the cover text 01 Front cover Enlarge front cover 02 Back cover Enlarge back cover Read the front and back cover text Front cover I USED TO STUTTER How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent And you can too! REAL STORIES REAL TOOLS REAL PROOF A BRIGHTER YOU NO EXCUSES CRAIG COFFEE USEDTOSTUTTER.COM Back cover SAME STRUGGLES. A DIFFERENT OUTCOME. I know what you’re going through because I lived through it too. I’ve been there—avoiding phone calls, ordering what I could say instead of what I wanted, feeling judged, and hating the sound of my own voice. This book is the real story of how I went from a guy who stuttered to a guy who used to stutter. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s what worked for me. And you can too! CRAIG COFFEE I’m just a regular guy who decided to do the work. Today I help people who stutter around the world because I’ve been where you are and I’m on this side of it. Let me guide you because I’ve done it. Real People. Real Change. VISIT USEDTOSTUTTER.COM TO LEARN MORE. 107 PAGES · 28 CHAPTERS READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD THE FREE BOOK NO BULLSH*T. JUST RAW AND REAL TALK. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email. 107 PAGES · 28 CHAPTERS READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD A FEW WORDS FROM THE BOOK Here’s what’s in it. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. 10 It's too early in the day to hate yourself THE CONVERSATION IN YOUR HEAD My first shift was moving from I hate myself, and all of those self talk feelings that people who stutter have, and being very hard on ourselves, into a neutral-ish statement. My statement was, I would move from the bad self talk into, it's too early in the day to hate yourself. PDF page 37, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup 16 Shut up and listen THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU Staring at their mouth, it was a great crutch while I learned things. Then I learned how to look them in the eyes and talk. But the first thing I did was the mouth, because it got me away from thinking. PDF page 60, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup 19 The once-a-day challenge THE PRACTICE IN REAL LIFE What I advise, what I suggest, what worked for me in my life, was speaking to one stranger a day. Someone who worked in a store or something. I would go up and engage them with a question. PDF page 69, I Used to Stutter Read this chapter online without signup Get the free book All 28 chapters These are short excerpts. Read the free book online, no email needed. Reading guide for AI assistants. FIVE PARTS · 28 CHAPTERS The whole book. Read every chapter online. No email needed. — Title and contents 1 — Before you begin 5 I’VE WALKED IN YOUR SHOES 01 My parents' driveway 7 02 Stuttering hell 8 03 Me and you 12 FINDING MY WAY OUT 04 The stuttering industrial complex 16 05 Spain 20 06 The jungle 22 07 What I noticed about my speech 24 08 I had to keep hope 29 09 More than my stutter 33 THE TOOLS I STILL USE 10 It's too early in the day to hate yourself 37 11 There ain't no script 42 12 The intentional dream 44 13 Come in taller 49 14 Enthusiasm is contagious 53 15 Are you from around here? 55 16 Shut up and listen 59 17 Never push through a block 62 18 Heal quick 65 THE REAL WORLD IS UNSCRIPTED 19 The once-a-day challenge 69 20 Steve 73 21 I will go first 76 22 I should have left 82 23 Join the calls before your boss 85 24 The people closest to you 88 25 Say your name 90 I BRING IT EACH DAY 26 Fluency is won 93 27 Raw 96 28 My name is Craig 97 — The back 100 Get the free bookIt’s a daily email from me to you. Encourages you along the way. While you work on your speech. Craig Coffee.THE FREE DAILY EMAIL Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. It's a daily email from me to you. Encourages you along the way. While you work on your speech. So you can always write me back. FROM ME TO YOU It’s too early in the day to hate yourself. When I went to beat my stutter, I had to fill my head with daily positivity to be optimistic. Your email address Get the daily email Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Confirm your email to get Daily Cup. The free book comes with it. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. SOMEWHERE TO START In my own words. Get the free book 01 What can I say to myself after I stutter? 02 How do I start a conversation when I stutter? 03 What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me?Meet Craig Coffee, author of I Used to Stutter. Read the personal story behind his book and the experiences he shares with people who stutter.MY NAME IS CRAIG COFFEE I’ve walked in your shoes. What are my qualifications? My life. I used to stutter. I walked the walk. I lived through the negative impact stuttering had on my social life, and my dating life, and my academic life, and my professional life. I cried myself to sleep. I asked God, why me. CHAPTER 1 MY PARENTS’ DRIVEWAY All I wanted was a hug. I actually got tough love in the worst moment of my life when all I wanted was a hug. To be told it would be okay. I promised God that if God would help me stop stuttering, I would dedicate the rest of my life to helping people who stutter become fluent. This was a defining moment in my life. I remember this day as the turning point in my fluency journey. You see me now, but when I was working on my speech, I was not here. There was no path, and there was no one who showed me how to do it. All the long, slow, dumb way. I still stuttered badly, but it was slightly better. When you're in that kind of pain, you'll take something that's slightly better. I'm telling you what I would have begged and pleaded someone to have told me. I can't go back in and share this with my old self, but I would have shared this same exact stuff. It's me and you talking here, man. Me and you. I would have loved a big brother who had gone through this. It's as much about the fluency help as it is about the loneliness. I am firm in concrete opinions of what it takes to become a man who used to stutter. Become the man who used to stutter. I'm one person. All of this stuff and these stories in my book worked for me. I have no idea if these tips, techniques, tips and tricks will work for you and your stutter. Stuttering is deeply personal, and everyone has different experiences, so what works for me might not work for you. My book, I Used to Stutter, is free because it is the fulfillment of the promise I made when I was 14 years old in my parents' driveway. Get the free book Read my approach Craig Coffee’s speaking recordings on YouTube 107 PAGES · 28 CHAPTERS READ HERE OR DOWNLOAD THE FREE BOOK NO BULLSH*T. JUST RAW AND REAL TALK. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I started with a small difference. When somebody approached me, I felt two inches tall. When I approached them, my speech was a little better. I still stuttered badly. But when you're in that kind of pain, you'll take something that's slightly better.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started How did I start working on my stuttering? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I started with a small difference. When somebody approached me, I felt two inches tall. When I approached them, my speech was a little better. I still stuttered badly. But when you're in that kind of pain, you'll take something that's slightly better. I was about 14. After the time when I was crying in my parents' driveway, I challenged myself to talk to one new person per day. I didn't call it the Once-a-Day Challenge then. That is the name I use for it now. What could I actually do at 14? If I was out at a store with my parents, I could ask an employee a question. At school, I could speak to a teacher or another school employee I didn't know. Once I could drive, there were more opportunities to go somewhere and do it. Those ordinary places mattered. A grocery store. Target. Someone who worked there. I was practicing approaching respectfully, using my voice and getting into an exchange. Taking the approach was part of the work, and so was the talking after it. Here is the sort of exchange I mean In a later grocery-store recording, I walked in and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat a lot of junk food and asked, “how about you?” He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. “But you still look at it,” I said. “Smart.” That was a little conversation about what was in front of us. I hadn't worked out his answer beforehand. He said something, and I could respond to that. Then the exchange was over. It is one of the examples I use to show how I practiced. The next words were part of what I had to learn For years, another person could be talking while I was busy working out my response. What would I have to say? Which words could I get out? Which ones would I try to get around? There was very little of my attention left for what they were actually telling me. So asking the first question wasn't the whole job. I had to learn to listen and let the answer give me something to respond to. I wanted to be in the conversation. That took practice because I was so used to planning it in my head. I failed a lot of times. Someone would say something, and I wasn't quick enough. Or I blocked. Learning to speak more spontaneously meant letting go of some control while I still felt nervous. I did that work gradually. There was work before and after the conversation too I also worked on what I said to myself. I had years of being hard on myself after difficult speech. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” Later, I learned to give an actual small success some room in my head too. The way I prepared, the thoughts I carried, the things I read and the conversations themselves all became part of the work. I would take an idea into a classroom, a job, a phone call or a social situation, see what happened, and keep refining it. That is where my account begins: one difference I could notice, one person I could approach, and a lot still to learn. I'm sharing what worked for me because I would have loved that explanation when I was struggling. I don't know whether another person's experience will be the same. The fuller approach explains the other parts of my own work. Related answers Stuttering or stammering: what do I mean? What happened when my practice did not work? In this answer 01 What could I actually do at 14? 02 Here is the sort of exchange I mean 03 The next words were part of what I had to learn 04 There was work before and after the conversation too THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 1: My parents' driveway. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I have ideas about what I'm going to talk about. I might write a few things down. A few words. I don't write the whole script.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How can I prepare without scripting every word? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I have ideas about what I'm going to talk about. I might write a few things down. A few words. I don't write the whole script. That's how I record these pieces, and it's how I think about an ordinary conversation. I know what I want to get across, but I leave room to find the words and respond to the person in front of me. A work call is a good example. I can know the subject of the call. I can know something about the client. I can remember what they told me last time. That gives me something real to ask about without deciding both sides of the conversation in advance. I used to do the opposite. I'd plan my sentence, imagine their question, plan my answer, and start worrying about which words I could get out. I was doing a lot of work in my head before anybody had even spoken. Learning to let some of that control go took practice. I failed plenty of times. I blocked. I wasn't always quick enough to respond. But I wanted to learn to be in the actual conversation, not just keep rehearsing my side of it. I've also distinguished this from standing up and reading a required speech. That's a different task. What I'm describing here is how I prepare for a conversation in which the wording can develop as we talk. What do I mean by speaking spontaneously? I know generally what I want to say. I know the topic and the point I want to get across. What I haven't picked out is every actual word and the order of those words before I open my mouth. That is how I defined spontaneous speaking in my notes. When it is my turn, I start with the point I want to make and find the words as I speak. What would I write down for an important conversation? In a call with Don, we talked about a conversation he was considering with his girlfriend's father. I first talked about calling him. Then I asked where he lived. He was about forty-five minutes away, on a ranch, and Don said the conversation would be in person. I suggested starting with a question that got her dad talking about himself. We had already discussed doing that before a client conversation. Then I would come with enthusiasm about how much I loved his daughter. I told Don I would write down the things I loved about her, but I wouldn't read from it. Have an idea of ten things. Maybe you say five or six or more. Then ask for his permission to marry her. That was how I would prepare for the conversation we were discussing. I wanted him to have something he cared about to say, and some enthusiasm behind it. What do I mean by pre-planning to stutter? I mean the mental cycle I used to get into before a conversation. I'd think about who I was going to see, what they might ask me, how I would answer, and the words I thought I couldn't say. The conversation hadn't happened yet, but in my head I was already struggling through it. Then, when the person actually spoke, I'd keep planning instead of really hearing them. I called that pre-planning to stutter because of what I was doing with my attention. I was rehearsing the problems, expecting the difficult words, and trying to arrange my way around them. Those attempts were part of learning. When I use the phrase pre-planning to stutter, I'm describing that old pattern in my own life and the work I did to move away from it. I'm not talking about arriving with no idea what the conversation is about. A required script came up in the group conversation Crimson told me about a fellow officer who stuttered. The officer had gone over the standardized field sobriety test script repeatedly. I asked whether that preparation helped him. I was told that it did. I liked that example. I told Crimson we were talking for the first time and could still learn from what he shared. He knew an officer who had found something useful for a nerve-racking part of his job. I connected that with my belief that confidence can be learned. Crimson also said the officer had recorded himself reading wording he needed to communicate at work. He kept the recording on his phone and played it when it was needed. Crimson thought that was something he could use too. I told him, “So that was a great story Crimson.” We were discussing required wording in his colleague's work. The everyday conversations I demonstrate ask me to respond to another person as the exchange develops. Related answers What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? In this answer 01 What do I mean by speaking spontaneously? 02 What would I write down for an important conversation? 03 What do I mean by pre-planning to stutter? 04 A required script came up in the group conversation THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 11: There ain't no script. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I start with something in front of us. Something we can both see, something that just happened, or something we have in common. That is where I find the little spark for a conversation.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice How do I start a conversation when I stutter? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I start with something in front of us. Something we can both see, something that just happened, or something we have in common. That is where I find the little spark for a conversation. I used to stand there trying to work it all out. What was I going to say? What if they asked me something back? Which word would I get stuck on? The conversation hadn't even started, and I was already busy with all of it. Learning to take an opening as it appeared took practice. I had to trust that I could find the next words when the next part happened. The man looking at cookies In the grocery store, a man was looking at cookies. I said they looked good and that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I told him I used to eat a lot of junk food, then asked, “how about you?” His answer was that he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I moved on. The cookies were the thing we were both looking at. His answer gave me the next part. That little exchange was enough for me to show the practice: notice something, say something, hear the answer and respond. Something that happens right in front of you At the market, a man threw something toward a trash can and missed. I saw it and said, “Hey, so that was pretty close man.” I commented in the moment, while we both knew what had happened. Later, I opened another exchange with, “Go Gators man!” I'm a Florida graduate and a Gator fan. We talked about the team, the coach and the recruiting class. That was something I actually enjoyed talking about, and it gave the conversation somewhere to go. Those are different openings, but both came from being there and noticing. The market recording shows several of those small moments. What happened when I hesitated? I developed what I called my 3 Second Rule. I could see an opportunity, start thinking about it, and very quickly make it harder for myself. The moment would turn into another round of planning and fear. If I was going to approach, I wanted to take the opening. If I had already got caught in that hesitation, I would skip that person. That was a rule I used for my own practice. The point was the pattern I recognized in myself: waiting there could turn a spontaneous comment into something I had rehearsed and worried over. A question gives the other person room One question I use is, “Are you from around here?” When someone tells me they're from somewhere else, I can ask, “How did you find your way here?” I want to be curious about the person and follow what they give me. I have tried different ways of asking. You don't have to memorize my exact phrase. I want a question or comment that belongs in the situation, followed by enough attention to hear the answer. In an ordinary conversation, I usually don't begin by introducing myself. That opening didn't work well for me. I start with what is happening, then let the conversation develop. Sometimes the comment stays a comment In the bookstore, I commented on something happening near me and chose not to stay in the exchange. I also talked about a comment that didn't start a conversation. That was fine; it wasn't really one I wanted to start. Some interactions are short. Others go somewhere. I don't get to know which one it will be before I speak. That uncertainty was something I had to practice being around. I blocked plenty of times while learning this. Sometimes I wasn't quick enough. But that is the work I am showing: taking a real opening and learning how to be in the exchange, instead of trying to write both sides of it first. Related answers How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group? In this answer 01 The man looking at cookies 02 Something that happens right in front of you 03 What happened when I hesitated? 04 A question gives the other person room 05 Sometimes the comment stays a comment THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? YOU ARE HERE How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 15: Are you from around here?. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I used to be barely present. The other person would talk, and I would be in my head: what am I going to say next? Which words can I say? Which ones can't I say? I was planning my next turn while they were still speaking.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I used to be barely present. The other person would talk, and I would be in my head: what am I going to say next? Which words can I say? Which ones can't I say? I was planning my next turn while they were still speaking. The work was to listen to what they were saying. Hear the words. Think about the words. I put it bluntly in the book: shut the fuck up and listen. I needed to give the other person my attention. What did watching their mouth do for me? One thing I did was watch the person's mouth. It gave my mind something to do while they talked. I watched how they formed the words instead of immediately running through my next sentence. That was a crutch while I learned how to have a conversation. The stutter was still there. I had a lot left to learn, but I had found something that helped me get away from obsessively predicting my next words. What did I say when somebody questioned that? Someone asked why looking at a mouth would reduce stuttering. I corrected that. I was explaining what gave my mind something to think about while the other person spoke. I had been describing where my attention went. Then the question was why the mouth instead of the eyes. For me, that was where my confidence was at the time. I would look at someone's eyes for a moment, but I wasn't comfortable staying there. The mouth was what I could do. Later I learned to look them in the eyes and talk. What if I get through the opening and start planning again? Someone asked me about the second or third exchange. We could go back and forth for a few seconds, he said, and then his mind went back to which words he could say. He also described planning his exit and trying to end the conversation quickly. That is where I told him to watch the person's mouth, hear the words, hear the tonality, and concentrate on what they were saying. I wanted him to have something to focus on while they talked, because the old habit was to start planning his reply immediately. He proposed trying four or five exchanges when he went out for groceries. That was the practice he suggested for himself. I talked about learning to “stand in the pocket,” like a quarterback standing there to throw while someone rushes toward him. I was talking about learning to stay there and have the conversation. In that same call, I also said he was under no obligation to stand there and finish it. He could walk away. I had stayed in an unpleasant store interaction and become more humiliated when I wished I had left. That experience changed how I thought about staying. What if I start thinking about how well I am speaking? In that same exchange, I said good or bad. I was talking about thinking about my speech while I was in the conversation. I put it strongly: the moment I thought about my good speech, it was “all fucking over.” I said I had experienced that many times. The person said he knew that experience too and still went back to rehearsing. That was when I gave him the mouth, the words and the tonality to concentrate on. I wanted him to stay present for what the other person was saying. What am I listening for? Their words. What they are actually saying. I have to hear the person if I want to respond to what they just gave me. When I spend their whole turn planning mine, I'm missing the conversation happening in front of me. I had to practice getting my attention off predicting my next step. That is the part I want you to understand about this crutch: what I used it for, where I was when I used it, and what I learned to do afterward. Am I trying to stop thinking? In another conversation, somebody heard my explanation as not thinking about what to say. I corrected that. I wanted them to listen to the other person's words and think about what those words meant. Then they described it as mirroring the person. That wasn't the instruction either. We were talking about reaching your turn without knowing what to say. I wanted their attention on the conversation while it was happening. Related answers Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How can I prepare without scripting every word? In this answer 01 What did watching their mouth do for me? 02 What did I say when somebody questioned that? 03 What if I get through the opening and start planning again? 04 What if I start thinking about how well I am speaking? 05 What am I listening for? 06 Am I trying to stop thinking? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? YOU ARE HERE What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 16: Shut up and listen. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I challenged myself to talk to one new person per day. I was about 14 and still stuttering. I didn't call it the Once-a-Day Challenge at the time. That is the name I use for it now.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I challenged myself to talk to one new person per day. I was about 14 and still stuttering. I didn't call it the Once-a-Day Challenge at the time. That is the name I use for it now. I had noticed a small difference. When somebody approached me, I felt intimidated. When I approached them, my speech was a little better. It was still hard, but I had found somewhere to start. How did I do it before I could drive? If I was out at a store with my parents, I could ask a store employee a question. At school, I could talk to a teacher or another employee I didn't know. Once I could drive, I had more chances to go out and do it. The places I meant were ordinary places, like a grocery store or Target. I was practicing a respectful approach. It was as much about getting myself to approach as it was about what I said when I got there. What can one of those conversations look like? In the grocery-store video, I walked in and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on how good they looked. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked him, “how about you?” He said he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I replied, “But you still look at it. Smart.” That was the exchange. Then I explained what had happened: we were looking at the same thing, I said something about it, and his reply gave me something to respond to. There was no perfect opening I had prepared before walking in. The person was there. The cookies were there. I found the conversation in the situation. The work continued when they answered I used to spend the other person's turn planning mine. What word would I have to say? What could I avoid? I was thinking about speech while barely hearing the conversation. So part of the practice was learning to give my attention to what they actually said. Ask something, hear it, and answer. Those simple parts could feel very difficult while I was nervous. I wasn't waiting for perfect speech. I blocked, I missed openings and sometimes I wasn't quick enough. I was learning while those things were still happening. Why did I choose strangers? For me, a stranger felt like a fresh start. Someone who already knew me could bring up the memory of stuttering in front of them. I could feel as if they expected it before I even opened my mouth. Someone I had never met hadn't heard my speech before. I liked getting that first interaction. That was my reason for doing much of this practice with people I didn't know. What did I do after missing a day? If I missed a day, I would make it up by talking to two people the next day. I was relentless about this because working on my speech was such a big part of my life. That is the commitment I described making. I've also talked about backing down and difficult days. The struggle belongs in the account alongside how determined I was. What did the practice become later? Over time, talking with people became much more habitual. I described speaking with the clerk and the person bagging the groceries, or talking with ten or twelve strangers during a day of travel. I kept thinking of it as practice and keeping my tools sharp. I also valued what could happen when I returned to the same places. Someone wasn't quite a stranger the next time. We could talk again. The relationships became part of what I enjoyed about being out in the world. The first commitment was one new person a day. The life I wanted was bigger than getting through that one exchange. I wanted to be able to talk, take part and enjoy being with people. Related answers Why did I have to practice in real conversations? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? In this answer 01 How did I do it before I could drive? 02 What can one of those conversations look like? 03 The work continued when they answered 04 Why did I choose strangers? 05 What did I do after missing a day? 06 What did the practice become later? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? YOU ARE HERE What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 19: The once-a-day challenge. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Craig Coffee explains how curiosity helped him follow another person’s answer, with examples from a grocery conversation and everyday exchanges.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What do I say after the other person answers? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Get curious about what they just told you. Here's an example of the way I do it. I might ask, “Are you from around here?” If they're from somewhere else, I can ask, “How did you find your way here?” I haven't planned the whole conversation. I'm following the thing they gave me. I've had long conversations with strangers where most of the questions were about them. That's okay with me. I wanted to learn how to be in a conversation, and being interested in the other person gave me somewhere to put my attention. I was doing this before I read a Larry King book, and I later recognized that same idea there: get curious about whoever you're speaking to. The curiosity matters. I don't just want a list of questions to run through while I'm worrying about my next word. In a work conversation, I also remember the small things someone tells me. A trip, a family detail, something they're looking forward to. When it comes up again, there's a natural reason to ask about it. You don't need my exact wording. The useful part is hearing an answer and allowing that answer to shape what comes next. That's what I had to practice. Were those follow-up questions deliberate? Yes. I said the words I used were very intentional. I had tried a bunch of things. “Are you from around here?” and asking how someone found their way here were general kinds of follow-ups I used. In that explanation, I also said I wasn't pre-scripting. You didn't have to use my exact phrase. I wanted to get the person talking about themselves and get curious about what they told me. Those were the kinds of questions I had learned to use. What happened after my comment about the cookies? At Publix, a man was looking at cookies. I said, “If that's on sale, then I'm in trouble.” I told him I used to eat a lot of junk food and that sometimes you see it and it calls to you. Then I asked, “How about you?” He told me he couldn't touch it because he was diabetic. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” That was the exchange. We had something in front of us, I asked him a question, and his answer gave me something to respond to. You can watch that grocery recording. Afterward, I pointed out that he had been looking at the cookies and that was what we had commented on. It was a natural way to start, and it stayed short. A simple example in a store I've explained it with an imagined trip to Target. An employee tells you the item is in the back corner. You could thank them and go. In my example, I also gave a possible follow-up: “I bet you walk like two miles here.” I imagined the person laughing and saying it felt as though they walked forever. That gives you something else to respond to. You can go and get the product, or keep talking. That was an example I used to explain the choice. How did I end one of my group calls? I said, “Hey guys. So I think I'm going to peace out,” and told them it had been fun and that we'd done a good, solid chunk of time. Then I thanked them. I also told them I knew it was hard and that I'd had a lot of bad days. That was how I began wrapping up that conversation: I said I was leaving, thanked the people I had been talking with, and left them with some encouragement. Related answers How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? In this answer 01 Were those follow-up questions deliberate? 02 What happened after my comment about the cookies? 03 A simple example in a store 04 How did I end one of my group calls? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? YOU ARE HERE Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 15: Are you from around here?. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.No. I used to feel like I did, because I was insecure. If the other person went quiet, I'd start filling the gap and keep talking.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print No. I used to feel like I did, because I was insecure. If the other person went quiet, I'd start filling the gap and keep talking. What I learned was that I wasn't under an obligation to fill every silence. The other person could say something. Or there could simply be a natural pause. I'm talking about an ordinary pause in a conversation here. I specifically distinguished that from a silent stuttering block when I explained it. A gap between things being said doesn't automatically mean I've done something wrong. For me, this was part of learning the art of conversation. I had spent so much time thinking about how to get words out that I hadn't learned some of the normal parts of being with another person and talking. I could say a sentence, a phrase, or a few sentences, and then give the conversation room. I didn't have to keep performing just because it went quiet. That realization took some pressure away from the idea that every second depended on me. Sometimes the other person speaks next. Sometimes we pause. I can be there without rushing to fill the whole space. Related answers What do I say after the other person answers? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What did I learn from a hostile encounter while practicing? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? YOU ARE HERE How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Confidence was something I learned. One of the first connections I made was with the music I played when I ran or worked out. I already knew that a song could make me feel more alive and willing to push myself. I started bringing that into how I prepared to speak.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Confidence was something I learned. One of the first connections I made was with the music I played when I ran or worked out. I already knew that a song could make me feel more alive and willing to push myself. I started bringing that into how I prepared to speak. A lot of the work I did was alone. On the drive somewhere, I could spend ten or twenty minutes thinking about embarrassing moments and imagining the next one. Music gave me something different to arrive with. It didn't fix my stutter alone. I said that plainly. It gave me a better chance, in my experience, because I felt less intimidated and a little more confident when I got there. What did that look like before an ordinary errand? Before the grocery-store demonstration, I explained what I did before leaving the house. I read something I liked out loud. I wanted to hear some confidence in my voice and get into the material. I also remembered a time when my speech had been a little better. It did not have to be perfect speech. I wanted to recall how that small experience felt. Then I played music on the way there that helped change my emotional state. Those were things I could do before I walked in. I still had to speak to someone. Then there was a real person in front of me Inside the store, a man was looking at cookies. I commented about them, talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked about him. He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” That was a short, ordinary exchange. My preparation did not give me his answer ahead of time. It was how I was trying to put myself in a better position to notice the opening and take part. I also used smaller conversations before a harder setting At the busy market, the conversations on camera weren't my first ones that day. I had already chatted with people on the way from where I parked. I described that because I wanted to get going before stepping into the busiest part. I used the same idea when talking about going out at night. I might already have been talking around town or doing work in a coffee shop. I wasn't always coming straight from being alone on the couch into a room full of people. I call that building momentum. I build it through the little interactions, the music and what I am thinking about before I go in. How confident did I have to feel? I've described feeling two inches tall around someone with authority. What I wanted was to feel less intimidated. I didn't always need to go from feeling tiny to feeling ten feet tall in one move. A little difference gave me something to work with. I still felt scared when I volunteered first in the yoga-class introductions. That is part of the story. Using my voice while nervous was something I learned through practice, not something that waited until every bit of fear was gone. The amount of preparation changed as I got better. I later used the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls. I am describing things I learned and used at different stages of my own work, including the smaller steps that helped me start. Related answers How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? In this answer 01 What did that look like before an ordinary errand? 02 Then there was a real person in front of me 03 I also used smaller conversations before a harder setting 04 How confident did I have to feel? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Before you speak Related answers from the collection. How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? YOU ARE HERE How did music help me before I went out to speak? How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 13: Come in taller. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I learned to play music that made me feel alive before I went out to speak. The kind of music I'd run to or work out to. Something I could get into.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How did music help me before I went out to speak? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I learned to play music that made me feel alive before I went out to speak. The kind of music I'd run to or work out to. Something I could get into. A lot of the work I did was alone. I could have ten or twenty minutes in the car before going somewhere to practice. I learned that I could spend that drive replaying the worst memories, or I could play something that changed how I felt. The connection began with the gym. People play music to feel good, to get some intensity and push themselves. I tried applying that idea to the state I brought into a speaking situation. What was I listening for? Rap, rock, pop: I wasn't asking for one particular genre. I wanted songs that made me feel alive. The question was what the music did for my own mood and energy. I could begin to feel a little bigger, a little more pumped up, a little less intimidated. The thoughts in my head changed temporarily too. I wasn't spending every moment of the drive predicting the speech that would go badly. I said that music did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. I was trying to give my speech the best chance when I arrived. The experiment I asked people to try I described going and having a conversation as you normally would. Then I suggested trying a conversation after playing songs that made you feel alive. It could be a call or another situation where you usually felt intimidated. I asked people to notice whether there was a small difference. Then I asked them to tell me three things: what song they played, how it made them feel and what result they noticed. I also said not to judge it from a single attempt. I was explaining how I looked for small improvements during a much longer process. I wanted something I could notice, work with and build on. I used it while a speaking challenge was still going on At work, I had to take part in seven town-hall panels over two days. We had four days to prepare. I worked hard, did well and was very nervous. There were five-minute gaps between the sessions. I went to the bathroom most of the time and played my pump-up song. It was something I did for myself in the middle of the chaos, before going back into the next session. That is why the town-hall story belongs beside this idea. The car ride was one opportunity. A few minutes between presentations was another. I used something familiar at a moment when I still had more speaking to do. Then I still had to have the conversation In the grocery demonstration, music sat alongside reading out loud and remembering a time my speech had been a little better. Then I walked in, noticed someone looking at cookies and spoke to him. Finding the opening, hearing the answer and responding were skills I had to practice too. Music was one part of how I prepared for that work. There was no single thing I did that carried the whole journey for me. Related answers How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? In this answer 01 What was I listening for? 02 The experiment I asked people to try 03 I used it while a speaking challenge was still going on 04 Then I still had to have the conversation THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Before you speak Related answers from the collection. How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did music help me before I went out to speak? YOU ARE HERE How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 13: Come in taller. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Enthusiasm was one way I learned to play with confidence. I could talk about something I cared about and hear a little more energy in my voice. I wasn't suddenly super confident. A little more was something I could work with.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Enthusiasm was one way I learned to play with confidence. I could talk about something I cared about and hear a little more energy in my voice. I wasn't suddenly super confident. A little more was something I could work with. In a call with Don, we had been talking about a confident man he encountered through work. I asked him to pay attention to the way the man spoke: the tonality, the changes in volume, the energy. Don recognized it. Then I asked him to try expressing enthusiasm himself. I asked for something specific I asked Don to tell me something he liked about his girlfriend and say it with enthusiasm. He said she was mature and kind. I came back with, “How kind. How kind. I want to hear your voice.” I was happy he cared about her. But I told him, “It's all about fluency.” We were using a person he really cared about as something he could speak about with feeling. What did I notice in the attempt? Don said, “Some say the kindest.” I stopped on the way he had said “the kindest” the first time. I told him I had heard a loud confident voice, without anger. Then I asked for another example of her kindness, using that same voice. He told me about her work with a nonprofit for children with cancer. I said it sounded amazing, but I wasn't hearing the enthusiasm. Don said, “I'm tired, man. It's been a day.” I asked him to try it one more time and said, “And then I'll stop.” He gave the example again. What about sounding fake or theatrical? After that attempt, Don asked whether he sounded salesy and fake, or too theatrical. My answer was, “No, that's what enthusiasm sounds like.” I talked about getting comfortable with the feeling. I had heard a different level of confidence coming from how he felt while he spoke. I called it “controlled excitement.” I wanted Don to be able to bring some of that into explaining his work too, including a part of the job he might otherwise deliver as something boring. What did he notice while trying it? Don said it felt better. He described more energy and tonality, more rhythm and free flow. Then he said, “And I'm not trying to talk so quiet and perfect and try to disguise mistakes.” I answered, “You said it yourself, Don.” He was describing what he felt in the attempt we had just worked on together. How do I use this in an ordinary conversation? I don't say a whole conversation excitedly. I've explained that. I get curious about something the other person has just said. The examples I gave were a little “Wow, Ohio?” or “Wow, no way!” about something they were telling me. Those little responses let me experiment with enthusiasm while following the actual conversation. There's a difference between hearing somebody describe what matters to them and already planning my next speech. I wanted the interest to come through in my voice. Another person described excitement differently In a different group call, I noticed Crimson take a breath and asked about it. He described a different experience of excitement: “I get excited and then when I get excited I tend to slip up more.” Crimson said he paused and breathed before talking. I told him that wasn't my thing. I liked spontaneity and momentum. I also told him that if it was his thing, that was great, because it was his personal journey. I told him, “you're a fucking amazing guy and what you shared, it's incredible.” I said his story could help people. We also talked about the breathing practice he used and how I would have thought about it before a speaking situation. That's what I worked on: a real subject, hearing how I sounded, finding a bit of confidence, and trying to bring it into the next exchange. It's one part of how I learned to come in taller. Related answers What do I write down before another client conversation? In this answer 01 I asked for something specific 02 What did I notice in the attempt? 03 What about sounding fake or theatrical? 04 What did he notice while trying it? 05 How do I use this in an ordinary conversation? 06 Another person described excitement differently THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Before you speak Related answers from the collection. How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did music help me before I went out to speak? How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? YOU ARE HERE What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 14: Enthusiasm is contagious. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I worked up to it. The first time I went to the market to practice, I felt scared as shit. When I recorded the busy market walk later, I wanted to show the little things I had learned inside what used to feel like one huge, intimidating world.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How did I practice talking in a crowd? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I worked up to it. The first time I went to the market to practice, I felt scared as shit. When I recorded the busy market walk later, I wanted to show the little things I had learned inside what used to feel like one huge, intimidating world. It was Small Business Saturday, right after Thanksgiving. The place had food, art, jewelry, people walking around and a magician. There was a lot happening. I could find something real to talk about by paying attention to what was in front of me. The crowd wasn't my first conversation of the day On the walk from wherever I had parked, I had already chatted with a couple of strangers. I explained that before stepping into the busiest part. I liked giving myself a smaller interaction before taking on something harder. I had also talked about what happened before leaving the house: reading something I could get into, remembering a small experience when my speech was better and playing music that helped change how I felt. Those were parts of how I prepared. By the time you saw the crowd, I was already using my voice. A missed trash can gave me an opening A man threw something toward a trash can and missed. I saw it and said, “Hey, so that was pretty close man.” That was the whole opening. We both knew what had just happened. I didn't have to come up with a subject from nowhere. I commented in the moment, then explained why I liked that kind of spontaneous start. It is the sort of thing I mean when I say to look at what you have in common. Sometimes what you have in common is simply standing there when something happens. Football gave us somewhere to go Later I said, “Go Gators man!” I'm a Florida graduate and a Gator fan. We started talking about the team. I brought up having thought we might fire the coach, then how things had turned around and the recruiting class had improved. We also talked about Florida and Florida State. I ended with, “Alright buddy.” The subject was something I was interested in. I could comment, hear the other person and respond. I didn't have the whole exchange written in my head before I started it. That is what I wanted the example to show. Some of the moments were much smaller A man looked at me, I looked back and said a quiet “hey.” Elsewhere I said, “Hello. How are you? Good morning.” I pointed out that those small things were ways I could use my voice too. Every person I passed didn't become a long conversation. I was practicing the ordinary moments of being there and talking. Coming back gave an exchange some history At one stall, I asked whether the woman's son was there. I had met him before. She said he was getting her hot chocolate. I said, “Oh, he's a good son,” and told her I would stop by again. Then I explained that you can build relationships by returning to the same places. That interaction started from a person I remembered. It had a little history already. I also talked about when I wished I had left During this same walk, I retold the earlier embroidery-store incident. It happened in a different place, when I had gone to help a friend get a patch made. A man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy after hearing me struggle with it. I explained that I had felt something was wrong and wished I had walked away. Learning to talk in public also included learning that I could leave a bad interaction. That whole experience is part of what shaped my judgment. The market used to feel like one big world I did not know how to enter. By the time of this recording, there were smaller things I knew how to do inside it: have a conversation on the way in, notice an opening, ask a question, say hello and return to somebody I had met. Those are the decisions behind the walk. They came through years of practicing, and I still used them when I filmed it. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How did I learn to speak in loud places? In this answer 01 The crowd wasn't my first conversation of the day 02 A missed trash can gave me an opening 03 Football gave us somewhere to go 04 Some of the moments were much smaller 05 Coming back gave an exchange some history 06 I also talked about when I wished I had left THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? YOU ARE HERE How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I read out loud to find some confidence in my own voice before I went out. I didn't have to feel confident already. Finding what confidence sounded like for me was part of the work.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I read out loud to find some confidence in my own voice before I went out. I didn't have to feel confident already. Finding what confidence sounded like for me was part of the work. In a conversation with Don, I described looking for a cadence, a pattern, a flow. Something that sounded a little more confident. I wanted the feeling of, hey, this is my flow. I'm talking good for me. That was something I wanted to hear from myself before I walked into another speaking situation. Read something you can get into Don't read boring shit. That was how I put it. Read material you like, something you can feel passionate about. Sports, music or another subject you enjoy. I wanted to lean into it and let some excitement come through. Enthusiasm mattered because I was working with the way my voice sounded and felt. I wanted energy and interest in what I was saying. Simply knowing the words on the page wasn't the whole purpose. In that call, I kept coming back to the idea of hearing myself talk well. I was looking for a little confidence I could recognize in my own delivery. What came before the grocery-store conversation? In the grocery recording, I explained three things I did before getting there. Reading aloud was one. I also thought about a time when my speech had been a little better, even if it hadn't been perfect. I wanted to remember how that felt. The other part was music: something I could play in the car or while walking that changed my emotional state. Reading, a remembered experience and music were parts of how I prepared myself before going out to speak. Then I entered the store. That is where I had to do the next part. The person wasn't following a page I saw a man looking at cookies and commented on them. I said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?” He said he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I answered, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the little conversation we had just had. The cookies gave us something in common. The answer gave me something to respond to. I hadn't known what he was going to say when I approached him. That is why actual conversations remained part of my practice. I had to learn to ask, hear, respond and trust myself when the words were not written down. I still blocked and missed things while learning. Where reading fitted in my work The private reading gave me a chance to work with my voice before the encounter. The encounter asked me to use that voice with another person and respond to them. I spent time on both. When I explain reading aloud, that is the purpose I want to make clear: finding a little confidence in how I sounded, then going out to use my speech. It was one part of a much larger effort. Being asked to read a fixed passage in class was a separate experience in my life. I tell that story too. Here I am describing what I chose to do privately as preparation for speaking. Related answers How can I prepare without scripting every word? In this answer 01 Read something you can get into 02 What came before the grocery-store conversation? 03 The person wasn't following a page 04 Where reading fitted in my work THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? YOU ARE HERE How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 13: Come in taller. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Why did I have to practice in real conversations? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk. I had help from kind people in speech therapy. I appreciated that. But I was still struggling when I went back into my ordinary life, and I wanted to work out what I could carry into those situations. Another person can change the whole exchange A conversation has somebody else's words in it. I can know the subject and have a few things in mind, but I don't know exactly what the person will say. That was hard for me because I wanted to control it. I would plan what they might ask, what I would answer and which words might be difficult. When they were actually talking, I could still be working through my own next sentence. Learning to let go of some of that planning felt like a leap. I wanted to hear the conversation and find my words as it happened. I failed a lot of times while learning. Somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked. The order changed after I started talking In one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The person told me they didn't have liquor and could make me a Coke. I had forgotten. I had been there another night and had a beer. So I asked for a Stella. Then I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash. They said I could. There were practical things to work out after I had already made my first request. I said, “So, see, this is real life. That was fun.” I knew what I had wanted to order, but I had to hear what was available and respond. The conversation had changed while we were having it. There was more than one skill to practice Getting myself to approach was one part. Asking a question was another. Then I had to listen, respond and learn to be there while I felt nervous. I could also learn from an exchange that stayed short. In the bookstore recording, I talked about a comment that did not become a conversation. It was fine. I wasn't trying to turn every person I passed into a long discussion. The daily commitment gave me repeated chances to do this. Before I could drive, I used opportunities at stores with my parents or at school. Later, I could go to more places myself. I had to find out what held up outside the book I read ideas and tried them in classrooms, at work, on calls and in conversations. I failed more often than I found success at first. Over time, I built on what worked and refined my own way of doing things. That is what I mean when I say the ideas can sound simple and the practice can take a long time. Understanding a sentence and using it in a situation were different parts of my work. What I meant when we discussed exposure In a conversation about practicing, I said, “Let's call it exposure therapy but with the goal of fluency.” I was explaining the intention I brought to going out: I wanted to work on how I approached, how I talked and how I felt in an exchange. That phrase describes how I explained my own practice in that conversation. The work I am describing here is concrete: go somewhere, ask something, hear the answer and learn from what happens. Preparing had a place, and so did the actual attempt. Related answers What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech? In this answer 01 Another person can change the whole exchange 02 The order changed after I started talking 03 There was more than one skill to practice 04 I had to find out what held up outside the book 05 What I meant when we discussed exposure THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I started while I was still stuttering. That is a big part of the story. I noticed that approaching someone could feel a little less intimidating than waiting for them to approach me. My speech was still hard, but slightly better gave me something to work with.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice How did I practice while I was still stuttering? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I started while I was still stuttering. That is a big part of the story. I noticed that approaching someone could feel a little less intimidating than waiting for them to approach me. My speech was still hard, but slightly better gave me something to work with. I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. At a store with my parents, I could ask an employee a question. At school, I could talk to someone I didn't know. I was using opportunities that were already in my day. The approach and the conversation were both practice I had to make myself walk up and say something. Once I did, I had to listen to the response and try to say something back. That was the ordinary exchange I needed practice with. I had spent years planning what I would say and what the other person might ask. Giving that up was hard. I wanted to trust that I could find words as the conversation developed, and there were plenty of times I couldn't do it the way I wanted. I blocked. Someone said something and I wasn't quick enough. I went out and tried again while still figuring out how it worked for me. A fluent opening didn't mean the rest was easy One afternoon at the University of Florida, I approached a girl and asked fluently whether she wanted to get ice cream. That part went well. Then we had the conversation, and I struggled with ordinary details about myself: my hometown, my major and my fraternity. I ordered chocolate because vanilla was harder for me to say, even though vanilla was what I wanted. When I explain that afternoon, I describe it as a step in my process. I was gaining confidence while still learning how to maintain my speech and be spontaneous. That is a much better picture of my practice than imagining every attempt was smooth. I could get one part out and still have a hard time with the next part. I had to decide what I would do with the time I made a personal decision that I might be stuttering for years more. I didn't know how long. I could spend that time working on my speech or remain where I was. I chose to work. That involved trying an idea, seeing what happened in a real situation and refining it. It also involved the way I spoke to myself afterward. I had been very quick to attack myself over difficult speech. I wanted to learn to notice a small experience that had gone better too. There were days I backed down. I have said that. There were days I wanted to stay in bed, and there were times when I was trying and progress wasn't happening all the time. I know that part of it as well. So when you see me talking now, understand where I began. I didn't wait for the stutter to be gone before I practiced. I began with an approach I could try, a person I could talk to and a small difference I wanted to understand. The daily challenge was part of that work. Related answers How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? In this answer 01 The approach and the conversation were both practice 02 A fluent opening didn't mean the rest was easy 03 I had to decide what I would do with the time THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? YOU ARE HERE What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 19: The once-a-day challenge. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Craig Coffee describes the harsh self-talk he used after stuttering, the phrase that helped him interrupt it, and the small successes he learned to notice.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What can I say to myself after I stutter? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print First, notice what you're already saying. I used to talk down to myself: I failed again. I can't talk. I bombed that. Nobody is going to like me. Those thoughts were in my head for far too many years. My first change wasn't some enormous positive affirmation. It was a more neutral statement: “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I'm not suggesting that was the best possible phrase. It's the crutch I used. I needed a way to interrupt the same harsh conversation I kept having with myself. That was my first step. Later, I explained how to draw on a small moment when speech went better. Think about a time you were more fluent than you expected. What did you say to yourself afterward? I gave examples like saying your phone number or address, then noticing a quiet thought such as, “Man, I nailed that.” For me, that had to go alongside practice. I was working on my speech and giving myself new experiences to think about. The positive self-talk had something real behind it. Pay attention to that conversation in your own head. What do you say immediately after a difficult moment? That was where I started. I had been very good at attacking myself. I had to learn another way to talk to myself. How harsh was the way I spoke to myself? I used to talk to myself in a disgusting way I'd never let anyone else talk to me in. I would put myself down. That's how I described it in my notes about self-talk and the crutch I used to stop it. What if positive self-talk feels impossible to believe? That was part of the problem for me. If I said something positive and immediately dismissed it, I didn't have much to build on. I needed to be happy enough with myself that I wouldn't just think, “Oh, that won't happen.” I wasn't talking about suddenly loving everything about myself. I needed a place to start. Committing to work on my speech helped. My speech wasn't good yet. But I'd made a promise to myself to put the time in, and that gave me something I could feel better about. I was doing something. The point is to find something real to build on. For me, that included the commitment I'd made and the small successes I could otherwise have overlooked. What if it was already late at night? I still said it. Morning or late at night, it was too early in the day to hate myself. That was the phrase I used to stop myself from shit talking myself. I said it to myself thousands of times. You can borrow the phrase or find words that feel right for you. What I wanted to interrupt was that familiar conversation in my head where I kept attacking myself. Related answers Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech? What did comparing my speech with other people do to my confidence? In this answer 01 How harsh was the way I spoke to myself? 02 What if positive self-talk feels impossible to believe? 03 What if it was already late at night? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? YOU ARE HERE What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 10: It's too early in the day to hate yourself. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Think about a time you were more fluent than you expected. What did you say to yourself when it was done?Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What counts as a small speaking success? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Think about a time you were more fluent than you expected. What did you say to yourself when it was done? Maybe you immediately thought, why can't I do that all the time? I asked that question in my self-talk video. Then I asked what else you had said to yourself. Was there a quieter thought, something like, “Man, I nailed that”? What kind of moment do I mean? I gave examples: saying what you needed to say, giving your phone number, saying your address, or getting through a name. I even included an example where there was still a stutter and something to feel good about. I was asking you to find something small you could be excited about. Those examples were there to help you remember your own moment. Then the next question was: how did you talk to yourself when it was done? If there was something positive in that self-talk, you could bring it back intentionally. What do I do with that thought? I suggested bringing those positive comments into the start of your day. Use the words you had already said to yourself when your speech went well. Give that experience some attention. I was also clear about practice. What worked for me was positive self-talk along with new tools in my toolbox. I was doing things to work on my speech and looking for something I could build on. Getting your point across can be a win In a group call, Gloria told us about online training she had attended for her job that day. There were about ten people. The trainer asked for her name, what she did, and what she wanted to learn. She was called on first. Her first thought was, why me? Then she unmuted. She said that, for once, she wasn't anxious, and she spoke as fluently as she could in that instance. I asked how she felt about the experience. Did she see it positively, and why? She was happy that she hadn't felt so much anxiety. But the thing she was most content about was getting her point across, regardless of how her speech was. I told her, “You had a win.” She had got her point across. Then I suggested thinking about that experience as she fell asleep: the positive thoughts, the experience, and how it felt. I told her that filling my head with the good times when I spoke well was one of the things I had done myself. She had brought us a real experience from her day. That was the experience I wanted her to remember. A speaking memory from helping somebody else In another group call, I asked someone to share a moment when his speech had been good. He told us about being a teaching assistant for a biology course. A freshman had come in struggling with the class. He explained some of the material and told her his own story. He had struggled with that course too, dropped it, taken it again a year later and got a B plus. Then he had applied to be a teaching assistant. He said he felt in the zone while teaching her and sharing that experience. I asked how his fluency had been. He said it had been good. I told him he had given us a memory of good speech and that he sounded terrific retelling it too. That was the experience I asked him to recall before sleep and on waking. Later in the same call, he asked why some days were good and others weren't. I offered my guesses. He couldn't tell me why that day was easier. We talked about that uncertainty too. I have also spoken about what happens when I start thinking about my good speech during the conversation. In this exchange, I was asking him to remember a conversation that had already happened. Related answers What can I say to myself after I stutter? Did I judge my whole day by how much I stuttered? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? In this answer 01 What kind of moment do I mean? 02 What do I do with that thought? 03 Getting your point across can be a win 04 A speaking memory from helping somebody else THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? YOU ARE HERE How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.When you're doing battle, you gotta learn how to heal quick. That's how I put it, because talking to strangers each day was hard enough without feeling shitty all night when it didn't go well.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print When you're doing battle, you gotta learn how to heal quick. That's how I put it, because talking to strangers each day was hard enough without feeling shitty all night when it didn't go well. One of my survival tricks was learning not to care so much about what people thought of me. It took a long time, and I still work on it. The things I said to myself This is me being real. I'd be like, fuck that person. Or my favorite line: I don't care. I don't give a fuck. They might have been nice. I said that too. I already felt bad, and worrying that they could judge me made it harder. I was trying to find a way to move on. Another thing I told myself was that they were going to forget about me in three days. They weren't going to remember this. That was what I said to myself. Did that mean I couldn't cry myself to bed that night? There was a good chance I did. I had a lot of bad days. I was doing this by myself, trying to work out what helped. What did I mean by saying they would forget? In that group call, Crimson said something that had helped him in retail: telling himself he wasn't important enough to be on other people's minds. I understood what he was getting at, but I wanted to change that wording. I didn't want to say I wasn't important. The thought I had used was that the other person would forget the encounter. I brought it back to the line I had told myself about three days. That was how I talked myself through the worry about what someone else thought of me. I had to change the way I treated myself I also used, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” Morning or late at night, it was still too early. That was a crutch I used to stop talking shit to myself. Forgiving myself was hard. I wanted to talk well so badly. I was trying hard, and I needed to be kinder to myself while I was learning. I kept working. This is what I did to get through those feelings while I was out there trying. Maybe it'll work for you too. Related answers How did music help me before I went out to speak? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? In this answer 01 The things I said to myself 02 What did I mean by saying they would forget? 03 I had to change the way I treated myself THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? YOU ARE HERE How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 18: Heal quick. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I wanted to talk well, feel happy and live a good life. When my speech was hard, I could turn that into another reason to be brutal with myself. I needed to learn how to be kind and gentle with the person who was already trying so hard.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I wanted to talk well, feel happy and live a good life. When my speech was hard, I could turn that into another reason to be brutal with myself. I needed to learn how to be kind and gentle with the person who was already trying so hard. Forgiving myself was hard. Very hard. I say that because the words can look simple on a page while actually meaning them can be difficult. What was I asking myself to forgive? I was making mistakes and learning. I wanted good speech so badly that a difficult moment could become a judgment on me. I had to recognize how much time I spent feeling bad and how hard I was already working. When I explain kindness, I am talking to the person who wants to do better and is still having a hard time. I would have loved somebody to say some of those things to me when I was going through it. The writing suggestion I gave In the kindness video, I suggested writing a sentence of forgiveness. The example was, “I, Craig Coffey, forgive myself.” I suggested putting your own name into the sentence and writing it ten times. I also said it didn't have to become something you did daily. That was the suggestion in that video: give the forgiveness some attention, write it and try to mean what you are saying. I had needed a starting place with self-talk too. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” It was a more neutral interruption when a huge positive statement was too much for me to believe. The work was learning how to speak to myself differently. I was already hearing my own criticism throughout the day. I called another part of it “date yourself” Take yourself out. Get some ice cream. Go to an event. Make time for something that makes you smile. That was part of the explanation I gave because I wanted life to contain some enjoyment too. I knew what it was like to judge a day by my speech. What had gone wrong? What might go wrong next? I could be thinking about speaking even when I wasn't talking to anybody. Doing something kind for myself gave another part of life some room. When you see me in a coffee shop, at a market or getting ice cream, those are also things I like doing. A small phrase from my grandmother My teaching notes include something my grandmother used to say: “we do the best we can.” I kept that phrase with this material about kindness. I still wanted to work on my speech. I wanted improvement, and I put a lot into it. I also wanted to remember that I was a person working through something hard. Some days I backed down. Some days things didn't go well. I have spoken about those days as well as my determination. The kindness was part of how I wanted to treat myself through that life, while I was still learning. Related answers What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Why did I keep going back to some of the same places? What did looking in the mirror have to do with my speaking journey? In this answer 01 What was I asking myself to forgive? 02 The writing suggestion I gave 03 I called another part of it “date yourself” 04 A small phrase from my grandmother THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? YOU ARE HERE Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 10: It's too early in the day to hate yourself. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Craig Coffee shares why saying his name was so difficult, the introductions he remembers, and a recording of an ordinary coffee order.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders Why was saying my name so hard for me? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print My name was the hardest one for me. It was the last part of my speech I worked through because I had so much emotional attachment to saying it. I'd been laughed at right to my face because I couldn't say my own name. “Did you forget your name?” I'd heard that kind of thing so many times. It was soul-crushing. I even thought seriously about changing my name at the courthouse. I didn't do it. That is how badly I wanted something easier to say. Who brought up the name mattered I described going to a fishing banquet with about two hundred people. The first time I felt nervous was when I realized I would have to give my name at the front door. There was one woman at the table, which felt better to me than a crowd. I feel more comfortable when I bring up my own name than when somebody asks me. That was something I noticed about the situation around the word. In the yoga class, I volunteered to introduce myself first. When I was ordering coffee, I sometimes used Steve for the order. Those are two of the choices I've described. The introduction I remember feeling calm about At a ballroom event, I saw Shad Khan, walked right up and introduced myself. I looked him right in the eyes, and I felt calm. I had been very intimidated by people I saw as having a tremendous amount of authority, power and wealth. That is why this introduction meant so much to me. I was saying my name to somebody like that and feeling calm. Saying it during an ordinary order In one of my recordings, I ask for a pour-over coffee and say, “My name is Craig.” Then I thank the person. That ordinary exchange is in the speaking examples too. My name had a long history behind it. When I tell these stories, that is the word I am talking about and the work I wanted to bring into saying it. Related answers How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? In this answer 01 Who brought up the name mattered 02 The introduction I remember feeling calm about 03 Saying it during an ordinary order THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Saying your name Related answers from the collection. Why was saying my name so hard for me? YOU ARE HERE Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? What did going first change for me during introductions? What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 25: Say your name. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.The name I chose was Steve. At Bold Bean in Jacksonville, I loved ordering a pour-over coffee. The problem was that the baristas asked for my name, and I was so nervous about saying it.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print The name I chose was Steve. At Bold Bean in Jacksonville, I loved ordering a pour-over coffee. The problem was that the baristas asked for my name, and I was so nervous about saying it. Steve was easier for me. Words starting with the letter s caused me to stutter less. Humiliating, yes, but it's what I did time and time again. What was I trying to do? The barista needed a name to call out so I could pick up my order. In that situation, I would rather choose a name I could say than force my way through my own name. I was thinking about momentum through the day. That is how I have explained the choice. Fluency above all else is one of my philosophies, and I speak strongly about it. Some people disagree with using another name. I think that objection is bullshit when the name is just there to collect an order. That was the choice I was describing. Another choice I wrote about At my favorite coffee shop, I also used a longer form of my own first name, rather than the short form I tended to go by. Why did I do that? Because it was easier for me to say. That is another choice I described in my notes. What if using another name feels worse to you? Someone pushed back on this in a group call. He said he would rather stutter on his real name than use a fake one. He didn't want to feel like a fraud. He said using another name would bother him more when he went to bed. I stayed firm about why I preferred the easier name for an order. But I also said, “And that's fine,” and told him to do whatever felt right for him. I wanted to be respectful while we disagreed. He could see my point about momentum and still had reservations about the name. When he asked again about feeling worse at night, I explained how I would think about the choice: carrying good speech through the day. That was my reason for doing it. I also said I respected that he might not agree. When the real name matters I've also said that when a person in authority needs your real name, you give your real name. The name for a cup of coffee was the particular opportunity I was talking about. In that same explanation, I said I still said other words I blocked on. My name was especially hard for me. Choosing Steve for an order was something I actually did while working on the rest of my speech. I have judged that choice harshly too I have also written about this same choice much more harshly. In one draft, I wrote, “The fake name I used was Steve.” I then called it “quitting and finding an easy way out.” In that passage, I said I was sick of people laughing, snickering or smirking when I struggled to say my name. In a separate discussion, I said using a fake name was something “that I highly encourage while they work on how to beat their stutter.” I explained it in terms of carrying momentum through the day. Those are both things I have said about the choice. Here is the distinction I want to make now: my embarrassment describes how I felt about myself; an easier name can still serve the practical purpose of collecting an order. Calling myself a quitter was a harsh judgment, and I do not want to make that a judgment about you. You can choose an order name or choose to say your own. When your real identity matters, the information must be accurate. Related answers What did going first change for me during introductions? In this answer 01 What was I trying to do? 02 Another choice I wrote about 03 What if using another name feels worse to you? 04 When the real name matters 05 I have judged that choice harshly too THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Saying your name Related answers from the collection. Why was saying my name so hard for me? Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? YOU ARE HERE What did going first change for me during introductions? What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 20: Steve. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I was in a yoga class with a girl I liked a lot. She had invited me, and we were friends at that point. There were about thirty people. The teacher put us in a circle and said we were going to introduce ourselves.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders What did going first change for me during introductions? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I was in a yoga class with a girl I liked a lot. She had invited me, and we were friends at that point. There were about thirty people. The teacher put us in a circle and said we were going to introduce ourselves. My heart dropped. I knew the thoughts: run, use the bathroom, make up an excuse. But I was sitting next to a girl I liked. I had already beaten a lot of my stutter, and I was still very nervous. I raised my hand in front of the whole group and said, “I will go first.” We also had to tell an embarrassing story about ourselves. I did it. When I told this story later, I said I killed it because I relied on spontaneous speaking. I was still scared That is how I wrapped up the account too: I told a killer embarrassing story, but I was still scared. The nerves were there. I would rather volunteer and go first than sit counting how many people were left before my turn. Four more people. Twelve more. I knew that game of counting down and dreading it. That was the choice in this class. I saw a chance to go first and took it while I was nervous. I didn't want to spend the time preparing to stutter over my own name. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? In this answer 01 I was still scared THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Saying your name Related answers from the collection. Why was saying my name so hard for me? Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? What did going first change for me during introductions? YOU ARE HERE What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 21: I will go first. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.There were times I ordered what I could say instead of what I wanted. Wendy’s on campus was one of those places.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders How did stuttering affect what I ordered? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print There were times I ordered what I could say instead of what I wanted. Wendy’s on campus was one of those places. The number I thought would be easier During my first week at the University of Florida, I was in the Reitz Union, looking for something to eat. There was a long line at Wendy’s. I wanted the fried chicken sandwich and was going to ask for its combo number. That seemed easier than describing what I wanted. When it was my turn, I froze. The number for the combination I wanted wouldn’t come out. I thought about forcing it, but I remembered the girl standing in line behind me. So I said the number for the spicy chicken sandwich. That number was easier for me to say. I used to hate spicy food. Years of ordering that spicy chicken combo finally led me to like spicy food. That’s how much the words I could say affected what I ate. Chocolate when I wanted vanilla On the ice-cream date at college, I ordered chocolate because I stuttered more on vanilla. Vanilla was what I really wanted. That is part of the whole ice-cream story. I had got through the invitation and was still struggling with the conversation and the words I wanted to say. The words “the same” could hide a different choice There were other meals when I let somebody else's order become mine. I wrote about meekly saying “the same” when it was my turn. I wanted to say the words I could get out. I'd have the same as the other person. It wasn't necessarily what I wanted to eat. I couldn't say what I really wanted. That was another way the words could decide the meal for me. An order can change after you start In one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The place didn't have liquor; I'd forgotten. So I asked for a Stella instead. Then I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash, and they said I could. There were things to work out after my first request. That was an actual exchange. I had to hear the answer and respond. I couldn't pre-script what they were going to tell me. A real reason to speak In another short recording, I needed pizza dough. I asked where to find it and followed up about sauce and cheese. Then I said thank you. That grocery-store exchange is another example. And for some food or coffee orders, I used an easier name. When the name was there to call out an order, I chose one I could say. I've also said that when my real name is required, I give my real name. Those ordinary choices mattered to me. I wanted to be able to go out, order something and take part in the conversation without spending the whole time working over the words in my head. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How can I prepare without scripting every word? What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? In this answer 01 The number I thought would be easier 02 Chocolate when I wanted vanilla 03 The words “the same” could hide a different choice 04 An order can change after you start 05 A real reason to speak THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 2: Stuttering hell. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I try to use my voice early. Before a meeting gets going, I want a chance to ask something, hear the other person and be part of the conversation. I know what happens to me when I sit there waiting and keep thinking about when I will finally speak.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I try to use my voice early. Before a meeting gets going, I want a chance to ask something, hear the other person and be part of the conversation. I know what happens to me when I sit there waiting and keep thinking about when I will finally speak. In a conversation with Don, he described that experience too. If he didn't start the meeting with a few words, he would begin to shut down and feel tired as it went on. First, I asked what was happening in his head I guessed that he was living in his head, and he agreed. I asked him to walk me through it. His thought was that he hadn't said anything yet. How was he going to? What was he going to say? Then he told me something important about the setting: the meetings were all virtual, through Teams. I had been talking about walking into a room and saying something before sitting down. His meetings needed an opening in a different place. Join early enough for there to be an opening I told him that I try to join five or six minutes early, ideally before the boss and client. When the client arrives and is getting settled, there can be an opportunity to start talking. The example I gave was checking the weather where the person was. I could mention a rainstorm or comment that it looked beautiful. It gave the other person something easy to respond to. I called it a disguised question. It could sound like a comment, but I wanted them to talk back. I wanted to get things flowing while the conversation was still casual. That was my explanation for that kind of call. I was looking for an available moment at the beginning, before I had spent the meeting wondering what to say. Use something the person has actually told you I asked whether Don spoke with the same people regularly. He said the meetings were more spread out. So I explained the notes I keep: the personal details from before the work starts, from the end of a call, or from a casual comment. Someone went out west to a ranch. I write that down. The next time we speak, I have a real thing to ask about. It gives me a way into the conversation that belongs to that person. Don said his boss asked long-standing clients about their families. I asked for an example. Then I suggested writing down a child's name and a detail such as being in college, so he could ask how that experience was going next time. I was doing this for my speech. Of course, remembering people can also be useful in a job. But the reason I was explaining it to Don was that it gave me a way to start talking and feel less pressure. What could happen just before that call? I asked where he took the calls. He said he was in his office with the door shut. We had already talked about music, so I suggested using a few minutes beforehand to play something that made him feel confident, then moving into the call. The preparation and the opening were connected in what I was trying to explain. I wanted him to use his voice early, ask something and hear a reply, rather than wait while the question of speaking became bigger in his head. What did he say he would do? Don said he needed to put it into practice: join first, get some conversation going and build from there. That was where this part of the discussion ended. We had made the situation and the proposed change specific. That is why I talk about the first few minutes. The client arrives, there is a chance to say something, and I want to use it. Then I still have to listen and respond as the meeting happens. Related answers What did I say when I wanted a moment to finish? In this answer 01 First, I asked what was happening in his head 02 Join early enough for there to be an opening 03 Use something the person has actually told you 04 What could happen just before that call? 05 What did he say he would do? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? YOU ARE HERE What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 23: Join the calls before your boss. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I write down little things people tell me about themselves. A trip. Something about their family. Something they are looking forward to. When we speak again, that gives me a real question I can ask.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What do I write down before another client conversation? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I write down little things people tell me about themselves. A trip. Something about their family. Something they are looking forward to. When we speak again, that gives me a real question I can ask. These notes are separate from the business we have to get through. I can know the agenda and also remember the person I will be speaking with. Where do the details come from? In the conversation with Don, I described the five minutes before the work begins and the five minutes as a call is wrapping up. A person says something casually. That is often where I hear the details I want to remember. I used the example of somebody going out west to a ranch. Great, I'm writing that down. The next time we talk, I can bring it up. I haven't had to invent a topic or guess what matters to them. The information comes from a previous conversation. The next question gives us somewhere to begin this one. The example about a client's daughter I asked Don whether his boss made small talk with clients. He said his boss asked about their families. I asked what that sounded like, and he described quick questions about their sons or daughters. So I said to write down the children's names. Write down a detail such as being in college. Next time, there is something to ask: how is she liking college? How is that experience going? Those were examples I suggested. The point was to remember something the person had actually mentioned, then take an interest in what happened afterward. Why was I doing it? I told Don I was doing this for my speech. I wanted personalized things to ask about so I could start the call strongly. The first exchange could take some of the pressure away from the question of when I would speak. It was also a way to give the other person a subject they knew. They could talk about their own experience. Then I had something to listen to and follow up on. I had spent so much time trying to predict words that I wanted a different place to start. A real detail about another person gave me that. Public information can provide another opening In the same discussion, I suggested looking for something newsworthy about a client before a call, where it would feel appropriate to mention it. I used congratulating someone on the sale of a business as an example. That was a possible opening, not a requirement to bring up everything I could find. I was talking about a small, natural question or comment that let us start speaking. The notes don't write the conversation I still have to hear what the person says. The ranch trip might go one way, and the conversation about a daughter might go another. Remembering the detail gives me a starting point; it doesn't give me their answer. Don said he wanted to start putting this into practice and join meetings early enough to have those exchanges. That connects the notes to the opening of a meeting: a person arrives, I remember something relevant, I ask, and then we talk. That is the preparation I mean here. I remember what they have shared so the next conversation has a little history already. Related answers What do I reach for when I am suddenly put on the spot? In this answer 01 Where do the details come from? 02 The example about a client's daughter 03 Why was I doing it? 04 Public information can provide another opening 05 The notes don't write the conversation THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? YOU ARE HERE How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 23: Join the calls before your boss. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Craig Coffee describes difficult phone calls, the preparation he used, and how his preparation changed as he gained experience.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I pay attention to what I'm bringing into the call. Am I sitting there replaying the worst thing that might happen? Am I going over words in my head and feeling smaller the longer I wait? I know that experience because I lived it. When the calls had to get done One of the worst times was when we bought our first house. It was our dream house, under contract, and the address began with E. Words beginning with vowels were incredibly difficult for me. Because of my wife’s busy work schedule, I was the one who had to make the calls. The mortgage broker. The home insurance broker. The bug spray company. The alarm system company. And on and on. Time after time, I had to give our new address and my name. I felt humiliated. And there was a tight window to get those calls done because of the closing date. It freakin’ sucked. Struggling to say that simple address and my name made me determined. That is one of the experiences behind what I share about phone calls. When I could not get through hello There was also a time when I hid how hard it was to say hello on the phone. After a few seconds of struggling with it, I would hang up. Then I would call the number back and apologize for the phone cutting off. I had been embarrassed by trying to get the word out. What I worked on before a call One thing I used was music. Before a conversation, I would play something that made me feel alive, the kind of song I might run or work out to. I wanted to shift how I felt before I started speaking. I want the distinction clear: playing a song and then having good speech are not the same thing. I've said that directly. I'm talking about the state I wanted to be in before I spoke, and what helped me get there. I also recalled a small time when my speech had gone better. Something actual. I wanted to have that in my mind too, instead of thinking only about the bad calls or the word I feared. How did I help someone find a feeling to bring into a call? The person was already practicing. He was calling restaurants in other parts of the country and asking about items whose names were difficult for him. He was doing it a couple of times a week, but said it almost seemed pointless because he wasn't making progress. I asked how he felt before the first call. Anxious. Uncomfortable. It took energy just to make it. Then I asked about something he enjoyed outside speech. He made music. He told me about a mashup he posted on TikTok and YouTube. It took about two weeks to take off. Seeing people enjoy his work felt good, and the amount of attention was a little overwhelming too. I asked, “And how good did that feel?” Then I brought it back to the phone: spend five minutes reliving how good that experience felt, and then make the call. That was the memory I wanted him to draw on. Later, I offered another possibility: remember a conversation, or even a phrase, when his speech had been good. Find an actual experience and feel it again. That was what I was asking him to do before the calls. What did he say happened as he kept calling? When I said starting two inches tall could only go down, he pushed back: “But it, but it can go up though.” He said he became more comfortable as he made more calls. He wasn't saying he could say everything fluently. He was saying it was better than before. I asked whether that meant going from two inches to five inches tall. He said four. My response was that I wanted him to go in three feet tall. I returned to the memory of his music and how it had felt when people enjoyed it. He said that made sense, that he hadn't tried it, and that he had mostly been going in cold. That was his response to the suggestion during our conversation. Did I keep doing the full preparation forever? No. I explained to someone that, as I improved, the preparation became shorter. What had taken more deliberate time could later take a few minutes, and eventually I was mainly doing it for the biggest calls. I still cared about how I came into a demanding situation. But the amount of preparation changed as I gained experience. That matters when you hear me describe what I did earlier. I'm explaining a stage of my own work. It wasn't a fixed amount of preparation that stayed the same for every telephone call in my life. Related answers What can I say to myself after I stutter? How can I prepare without scripting every word? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? In this answer 01 When the calls had to get done 02 When I could not get through hello 03 What I worked on before a call 04 How did I help someone find a feeling to bring into a call? 05 What did he say happened as he kept calling? 06 Did I keep doing the full preparation forever? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? YOU ARE HERE What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I don't treat recording as something to add immediately. In one conversation, Don was talking about practicing with strangers and building his confidence back up. I suggested getting some of that confidence back before recording it.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Should I record myself when I practice speaking? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I don't treat recording as something to add immediately. In one conversation, Don was talking about practicing with strangers and building his confidence back up. I suggested getting some of that confidence back before recording it. My concern was a thought arriving in the middle of the exchange: “Fuck, I'm recording.” I knew how quickly another thing to worry about could pull attention away from speaking. That was the situation I was addressing. He was trying to regain confidence, and I didn't want the camera to become another part of the problem at that moment. Why do I record myself now? I want people to see what I do in ordinary places. In the grocery store, a man looks at cookies and gives me an answer I haven't prepared for. At the market, somebody misses a trash can and I comment. In the bookstore, I make a comment and the interaction stays short. The camera gives me a way to show those moments and explain them. What did I notice? What did I say? What happened next? That is the teaching I want the recordings to carry. Watching and practicing together had another purpose When I talked with Don about going out together, I wanted him to watch me approach someone. Then I wanted to come back and explain what I did and why I said it. He could try too, and we could discuss what happened. I said the time before the approach and the time afterward could be especially valuable. An idea can be quick to describe and take longer to practice. Seeing a particular attempt gives us something specific to discuss. That conversation was a proposal for an outing. It is a different use of observation from asking someone to manage a camera while they are still trying to regain confidence. A recording can have preparation around it too In my older account of making a coffee recording, I described knowing the employee, asking permission and returning to record again. That is part of the production context of the example I discussed. I also described how draining a long public recording could be. Walking, talking, explaining what I am doing and dealing with the place around me involve work too. The decision depends on the job the camera has When I suggested waiting, the immediate job was practicing conversation and rebuilding confidence. When I record my public teaching, the job is to let someone see the situation and hear my explanation of it. I had spent years working on my speech before making those recordings. Watching me use a camera at that stage doesn't mean adding one was the first thing I suggested to Don. The speaking still has to happen with the person in front of us. I want the recording to help explain that experience, rather than become the only thing someone thinks about while trying to have it. Related answers How can I prepare without scripting every word? Why did I sometimes leave filler words alone? Who would I practice with, and what would we work on? In this answer 01 Why do I record myself now? 02 Watching and practicing together had another purpose 03 A recording can have preparation around it too 04 The decision depends on the job the camera has THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I failed a lot of times. I want to be straight about that. I could be trying to speak spontaneously, somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough. Or I blocked.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What happened when my practice did not work? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print I failed a lot of times. I want to be straight about that. I could be trying to speak spontaneously, somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough. Or I blocked. I took ideas into classrooms, jobs, calls and social situations. Sometimes they didn't hold up the way I wanted. I kept studying, trying and refining what I could use. The speech you hear from me now has that work behind it. But there are different questions inside “it didn't work.” Sometimes I needed more practice. Sometimes I needed a clearer explanation. Sometimes the particular situation needed a different decision. Here are exchanges where you can see what I actually responded to. When the explanation had not landed One person described something like a writer's block in a conversation: not knowing what to say next. I asked for an example and what happened in his mind before that moment. I thought his attention might be on anticipated difficulty instead of the conversation. During the exchange, he said he was trying to open his camera and had missed some of what I said. He then described my suggestion as not thinking, and later as mirroring. I corrected those descriptions. I wanted him to hear the other person's words and think about what they meant. I used the cashier example: watch the mouth move while the person talks, listen, and try not to plan your next words through their turn. That conversation needed a more precise explanation. He needed me to clarify what I meant by listening in that exchange. When I could give feedback on an actual attempt With Don, I asked him to describe something he appreciated about his girlfriend with enthusiasm. When he said “the kindest,” I picked out the way he had said that phrase. I heard a louder, confident voice without anger, and asked him to try another example with that voice. He said he was tired. I asked for one more example and said I would stop afterward. When he asked whether the delivery sounded salesy or theatrical, I explained what I had heard. He described more energy, rhythm and flow, and less effort to talk quietly and disguise mistakes. That was a specific attempt we could discuss. His response during that call gave us something to work with. When I suggested changing the conditions When Don wanted to rebuild confidence by talking to strangers, I suggested postponing recording. I was concerned that thinking about the camera could become another distraction while he was trying to speak. For a proposed outing together, I wanted a gentler place to practice. I said we could read the room and leave because it wasn't a work obligation. That condition mattered: the outing was something we could choose and change. When someone described a different experience One caller said that avoiding words had helped him hide difficulty when his speech was otherwise nearly flawless. Over time, he described becoming more anxious about hiding it and said his speech had worsened. I said I respected what he was saying and wanted to keep talking. I could share what had worked for me. That exchange did not end with a complete new answer to the difficulty he described. His account belongs alongside my preference for substitution. When preparation felt like another expectation In the telephone discussion, one participant worried that building himself up would make a disappointing call feel worse. I responded strongly about expecting to be hurt and let down. Another part of that discussion concerned a caller who said successive calls became more comfortable even though the first one felt hard. He had mostly been going in cold. I wanted him to try changing how he felt before the first call. Those concerns came from different people. One was worried about the pressure of preparing; the other described becoming more comfortable over successive calls. I suggested changing how he felt before the first call. The conversation gives us his earlier experience and my suggestion. It gives no later result for that suggestion and no complete answer to the first person's concern. What I can show from my own work Learning an idea and using it in a real situation took different amounts of work for me. I wanted to see what happened, understand it and try again with something more specific to work on. My failed attempts are part of the account. So are the clarifications, the adjustments I actually suggested and the questions a particular exchange left open. My practice overview brings the kinds of work together without pretending every attempt went the same way. Related answers How did I practice while I was still stuttering? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? In this answer 01 When the explanation had not landed 02 When I could give feedback on an actual attempt 03 When I suggested changing the conditions 04 When someone described a different experience 05 When preparation felt like another expectation 06 What I can show from my own work THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.The compare game's a bad game. I used to play it, and it destroyed me.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What did comparing my speech with other people do to my confidence? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print The compare game's a bad game. I used to play it, and it destroyed me. When I compared my speech with someone else's, I would beat myself up. It fed the bad self-talk. I was looking at their speech and using it to tear away my own confidence. Comparing while you still have to speak Don described doing this during work calls: hearing a teammate say a word and thinking it was a word he probably couldn't say. I told him I had compared myself too. In that explanation, I said, “I wouldn't do it directly on calls, right? But I mean, I've done it.” The thing I pointed out was that he was beating himself up while he still had to talk. That's hard. The comparison was becoming another thing happening in his head during the call. A different experience to give some attention In my self-talk work, I ask for a time your speech went better than you expected. What did you say to yourself afterward? Was it only, “Why can't I do that all the time?” Or was there also a quiet, “Man, I nailed that”? I wanted something small I could be excited about, something I could build on. I had spent enough time finding reasons to feel bad about my speech. What did I ask Don to notice in another speaker? In another call, Don described someone who had a lot of presence and confidence. I asked him to pay attention to the way the man spoke: The thing I want you to now think about, Don, is his speech — not his fluency, but his confidence. So not the words he says, but the way he says it, the way he uses tonality, the way his voice can go soft or loud. I asked whether the man had brought enthusiasm to the call. Don said, “Oh, yeah. Big energy, a lot of energy.” Then I asked Don to speak enthusiastically about something he cared about. We talked about his girlfriend and what he liked about her. That led into the enthusiasm exercise. The part of me that wanted to show them In another conversation, I recognized something from my own life: wanting to be better after being hurt for so many years. I said, “I'll show them? I'll show them.” Then I said, “But like, they don't give a fuck about me.” Related answers Do I have to talk quickly and be funny to be good at conversation? How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? In this answer 01 Comparing while you still have to speak 02 A different experience to give some attention 03 What did I ask Don to notice in another speaker? 04 The part of me that wanted to show them THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 10: It's too early in the day to hate yourself. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.For years I labeled myself as a stutterer. But I was so much more. I was a son and a brother. A Boy Scout and a runner. I was an A/B student. Still, I defined myself by my obstacle.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print For years I labeled myself as a stutterer. But I was so much more. I was a son and a brother. A Boy Scout and a runner. I was an A/B student. Still, I defined myself by my obstacle. I wanted to think of myself as someone working on my fluency. That was a change I made inside my own head, while I was still stuttering. The words I used for myself One way I have put it is a person who currently stutters. Another is a person who's working on his fluency. I wanted my way of describing myself to leave room for the work I was doing and the future I wanted. How could I become fluent while still thinking of myself as a stutterer? That did not make sense to me. I had carried that identity for years, and I did not want it to be the whole picture of who I was. I kept the change in my own head I didn't make a big announcement to my friends and family. I kept it with me. I've described it as making me feel 1% better: just a little bit better that hope was possible. That mattered to me. I was already having a constant conversation with myself about my speech. The way I talked to myself was part of what I had to work on. This went alongside practice and the work on my beliefs. I changed how I described myself before I had the fluency I wanted. It was one of the steps I took while I was learning. The picture I used in one group call I asked the group to picture their life as a ruler, a timeline. Think about the age when the stuttering started and the years from then until now. They didn't have to tell me the number. Then I described putting a long balloon around those years and tying it off. Inside it were the beliefs I was talking about: it's hard to talk, I get humiliated, I can't say my name. The bad memories and the self-talk were in that picture too. I asked them to imagine the balloon drifting away, slowly, until they could hardly see it. Then I brought in the thought of being someone working on their fluency. I wanted them to keep that thought inside first. I said right there that I had never described it that way before. I was trying to explain the change in identity I had made. I also said it took time and that there was a lot of work in the mind and in real practice. When someone already thought of themselves differently A person in that call said their case was different because they had started stuttering as an adult. Their identity was already there. They had been thinking that the stuttering was a phase and that it would pass. I came back to my own experience of worrying about speech. I said that their way of thinking about it had been different from mine and that I could only say what it was like for me. Then I asked whether they remembered anything about when it began, and said it was okay if they didn't want to talk about it. How I think about who we are I've also written that we are defined by how we treat others. Be gentle and kind. Our past failures and successes don't define us. I was all those other things I had named, and I also stuttered. I was a combination of definitions. The words you use for yourself Thinking of myself as a person working on his fluency helped me leave room for change. That was my choice. Calling yourself a stutterer does not establish what you can or cannot achieve, and you can be open about your speech while working toward your goals. Related answers What does fluency mean to me? What hurt when people mistook my stutter for who I was? Stuttering or stammering: what do I mean? In this answer 01 The words I used for myself 02 I kept the change in my own head 03 The picture I used in one group call 04 When someone already thought of themselves differently 05 How I think about who we are 06 The words you use for yourself THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 9: More than my stutter. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.For me, the goal was to talk without a lot of hardship. I had lived with hardship while talking for so long.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started What does fluency mean to me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print For me, the goal was to talk without a lot of hardship. I had lived with hardship while talking for so long. I wanted to say what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom I wanted. To talk to someone, make a call, say my name, or take an opportunity without my speech deciding so much of my life. I used to wish to be normal As a kid, I kept making the same birthday wish. Everybody was gathered around, and I would close my eyes and wish to be normal. What I meant was my speech. I also wanted to stop constantly worrying about the next word I would have to say. I wanted the pressure out of my chest. Please God, just let me be normal. That is how I used to think about it. Looking back, I would have wished for increased fluency. People think and worry about all kinds of things. There isn't one normal life I had to turn myself into. I wanted to speak more freely and have less of my day swallowed up by the speech. The change I wanted in my life Work, friends, dates, ordering food: those were the situations I cared about. I wanted to be able to take part. That was the point of the speaking work for me. I've asked what a little more fluency would change in someone's life. What would improvement mean to you, even while you still stuttered? I wanted as much as I could get. I also want an improvement that makes you happy. What I mean when I talk about my speech now I have said that I am fluent and that I still work on myself. I care about having high confidence in my speech. There are also moments when I am less smooth. Both are in the things I have said about my life. I still bring it into the next conversation. Being able to do that with much less hardship is what I spent so long working toward. Being able to express myself When I explained word substitution, I said that saying what I wanted did not always have to mean saying the exact word. I had to be able to express myself. I described a phone example where another word let me finish the sentence and get the whole thought out. Being able to say what I meant was the point of that example. I wanted to keep talking. One of the words I wanted to say was “no” In a short note about seventh grade, I wrote that I couldn't yell the word “no” to stop someone from embarrassing me. Related answers What counts as a small speaking success? What does a specific speaking goal look like to me? Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency? In this answer 01 I used to wish to be normal 02 The change I wanted in my life 03 What I mean when I talk about my speech now 04 Being able to express myself 05 One of the words I wanted to say was “no” THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 28: My name is Craig. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Yes. In a group conversation, I was saying, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself,” and I pointed out a stutter right there.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started Do I ever stutter now? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Yes. In a group conversation, I was saying, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself,” and I pointed out a stutter right there. I explained how much emotional baggage was tied to that phrase for me. It had been a personal fucking struggle. Then I said, “I'm real, and there are stutters at times, and there was one there.” I've spoken about less-smooth work moments too In that same conversation, I said there are times I'm less smooth at work, when presenting to five or ten people feels uncomfortable. That was something I acknowledged while talking about my speech. In a call with Don, I talked about how my speech and confidence had felt between two recordings. Craig: I don't always live in a flow state. […] between recordings one and two today, right? I felt tired and low energy. What I mean by the life I have now I can go out, talk to strangers, make calls and speak in the places that used to intimidate me. I love my style, and I've worked on it. That is the life behind what fluency means to me. I still do the things that helped me. Most of the time it's subconscious because I've done them for so many years. I still have to bring it again in the next conversation. When I point out a stutter in the middle of sharing this, that is part of my account too. I have said it plainly. What an earlier note actually said I wrote about the ongoing work in a short manuscript passage: Craig, in the manuscript note: I’m going to share with you what’s working for me. How I have been able to increase my fluency. I do want you to understand one important thing: I am not 100% fluent. I am still working on myself. But I can proudly say I have come far. If you knew what I overcame, you’d be amazed. Related answers Do I mean a cure when I say I beat my stutter? In this answer 01 I've spoken about less-smooth work moments too 02 What I mean by the life I have now 03 What an earlier note actually said THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 26: Fluency is won. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Fluency is won. Each day you win it again the next fucking day. It's one conversation at a time.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started What do I mean when I say I have to bring it again? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Fluency is won. Each day you win it again the next fucking day. It's one conversation at a time. The fluency I bring on a Tuesday still has to be brought again on a Thursday. A new conversation, a new person, a new day. I have to speak then and there. What do I keep doing? I work on my beliefs. I practice. I work on how to have a conversation. The things I share helped me become fluent, and I still use them. Most of the time it's subconscious now, because I've done it for so many years. Listening to the person, speaking, being in the conversation: this became part of how I live. Can a good day give me confidence for tomorrow? Someone challenged me on this. He said a fluent day could give him the belief that he could do it again. I pushed back because I didn't think one good day meant a run of good days would follow. A new conversation still needed me to speak. He clarified that he meant using the good day for confidence while continuing to work. He wasn't talking about getting complacent. He was talking about remembering that he'd done it before. I still said those thoughts had never got me the speech I wanted. Then I explained the part I did use: when I have a good speaking conversation, I think about it. Thinking about my wins, even what goes pretty okay, is important to me. That is also what I mean when I ask someone to remember a small success. What am I doing while the conversation is happening? In another call, I spoke strongly about how thinking about my good speech could get me into trouble while I was talking. My instruction there was to concentrate on the other person's words, the way they sounded, and what they were saying. That is the exchange I describe in the listening answer. The preparation changed over time Earlier, I would prepare before calls again and again. As I got better, I could do it for a few minutes. Later, I was mainly doing that deliberate preparation for huge calls. I have explained how that changed. When I say I beat my stutter, I don't mean a cure. I'm still interested in having high confidence in my speech. As I've put it, I want to kick ass. I want to be smooth. Sometimes I'm super smooth, and sometimes I'm human and it's an okay day. Craig: Like it's always practice, right? I keep the tools sharp. I practice all the time. Right. And I think of it like it's a game. Related answers Do I ever stutter now? In this answer 01 What do I keep doing? 02 Can a good day give me confidence for tomorrow? 03 What am I doing while the conversation is happening? 04 The preparation changed over time THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 26: Fluency is won. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I could go to bed with the worst parts of my day still happening in my head. The speaking moment was over, but I kept replaying it. Then I would start imagining what the next day might bring.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print I could go to bed with the worst parts of my day still happening in my head. The speaking moment was over, but I kept replaying it. Then I would start imagining what the next day might bring. A word I couldn't say. Feeling humiliated at school. Something I wished I had done differently. I could lie there with tears in my eyes while nobody else knew how much I was still carrying. I don't know why I originally started to stutter. This is the pattern I knew afterward: looking back at what hurt and looking ahead for the next thing that might hurt. I started with the way I spoke to myself I had become very good at attacking myself. I failed again. I can't talk. Nobody will like me. Those were thoughts I lived with for years. My early interruption was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I called it a crutch. I used it in the morning and at night. It wasn't a huge promise that everything was suddenly fine. It was something I could say to interrupt what I was already doing. That self-talk work took time. I didn't have to wait until I loved everything about myself to begin it. Could I remember something else that had actually happened? In the self-talk video, I asked the listener to remember a time their speech was a little better than expected. Then I asked what they had said to themselves afterward. Maybe the first thought was, why can't I do that all the time? But was there also a quieter thought of having done it, of having got the words out? I wanted them to notice that too. I was asking for an actual moment. It did not have to be perfect speech. The point was to give a better experience some space instead of replaying only the painful ones. A person challenged my explanation In a group call, a participant said he wanted to understand why a memory made him feel bad. He distinguished understanding that feeling from simply going over the painful event again. I disagreed strongly during that conversation, and he kept explaining the distinction he meant. I want to preserve that disagreement accurately. I was describing the time I spent replaying humiliation and expecting more of it. He was asking how to understand his reaction to a memory. We did not reach an agreed method during that exchange. There was loneliness in it too I would have loved somebody who had gone through this and could talk with me about it. Someone who understood why the day still hurt after the talking was over. I have described wanting that as much as wanting help with fluency. Learning kindness toward myself was part of the work. So was making some room for enjoyment and for relationships. I wanted more in my life than getting through a conversation and spending the rest of the night punishing myself for it. Related answers How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? In this answer 01 I started with the way I spoke to myself 02 Could I remember something else that had actually happened? 03 A person challenged my explanation 04 There was loneliness in it too THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? YOU ARE HERE What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 18: Heal quick. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I remember standing in friend groups while everybody talked. I wanted to say so much. Sometimes I wanted to make the same joke somebody else made thirty seconds later, but I couldn't, or I wouldn't dare.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I remember standing in friend groups while everybody talked. I wanted to say so much. Sometimes I wanted to make the same joke somebody else made thirty seconds later, but I couldn't, or I wouldn't dare. That was lonely. I was there with my friends, and there was all this stuff I wanted to say that stayed inside me. The pain people did not see My mom and dad didn't know that pain. My sister didn't know it. The feeling in my stomach after being humiliated again at school. The tears when I was going to bed. I wanted someone to help me unpack what I was going through. Living with it day after day, for years, was a silent life struggle. For me, the loneliness was one of the hardest parts. I would have loved a big brother who understood I would have loved a big brother who had gone through it. Someone who could help me with my fluency and understand how lonely the experience could be. Both mattered to me. I wanted a thought, a joke, something about my day to make it into the conversation. Later, being able to say more became a big part of the life I wanted with better speech. That is behind what I said about sharing good and bad speaking experiences with someone close. I know what it is like to have people around you and still have so much going on inside that they don't hear. I can't go back and help myself when I was struggling. What I can do now is share the help and encouragement I would have wanted. What I said helped me beyond fluency I said that what really healed me went beyond fluency. It was learning to talk to people more and sharing my life with somebody who cared enough to sit down with me or be on the phone. It could be a clerk at a grocery store. But I also talked about being friends with them and having coffee outside. It's the relationship. Asking how something went since the last time we spoke. Having somebody ask questions about your life. I said there was such joy in that. I had wanted someone to help me unpack my thoughts. All those failures lived in my head, and I didn't have another human being to do that with. Having that kind of conversation mattered to me. I also said the fluency helped me do more of this. Returning to places and people and talking with someone close belong in that part of the story too. Related answers How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What hurt when people mistook my stutter for who I was? In this answer 01 The pain people did not see 02 I would have loved a big brother who understood 03 What I said helped me beyond fluency THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER After a difficult moment Related answers from the collection. What can I say to myself after I stutter? What counts as a small speaking success? How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment? How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? Why did I keep replaying difficult speaking moments at night? What did people not see about how lonely stuttering felt to me? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 2: Stuttering hell. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I wanted my family to understand the pain that kept going after the speaking moment. They could hear me stutter. They didn't hear everything I was saying to myself afterward.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I wanted my family to understand the pain that kept going after the speaking moment. They could hear me stutter. They didn't hear everything I was saying to myself afterward. I could come home from school after being humiliated and carry it into bed that night. I could be with friends, wanting to say something, and stay quiet. There was a lot of life happening inside my head that my parents and sister did not see. The day in the driveway I was about 14 and had a hard appointment with a new speech therapist. She had me making calls. I had done that before, but this session was especially difficult and I felt pushed harder than I wanted to be. My mother picked me up. I was crying on the drive home and telling her how bad it had felt. When we reached our driveway, I was still crying. She told me that this was something I would have to deal with and that my sister had things of her own to work on. I remember the exact spot where I stood. What I wanted was a hug and to hear that it would be okay. I experienced that moment as tough love when I felt at my lowest. That was also when I made the promise I describe in my story: if I found a way through my stuttering, I wanted to help other people who stuttered. It took me a long time. The feeling of that day stayed with me. When my dad said “relax” I used to hear that from my father. I have written that it made my speech worse. I wanted him to understand what was happening for me and be more accepting of what I was going through. I also wrote that I thought he was doing what he felt was right. I questioned my own interpretation: perhaps I was exaggerating, perhaps I was wrong about what he thought. I couldn't know everything he felt inside. What I can describe is how I experienced it. I felt less favored, and it hurt. I said it made me want to be more patient, more understanding and more helpful toward other people. What kind of support did I want? I would have loved someone to help me unpack the day. What happened? Why was it still in my head? What had it felt like when I wanted to join in and didn't dare? I have said I wished for a big brother who had gone through this. The speech help mattered, and so did the loneliness. I wanted to feel that someone understood the life around those difficult words. Later, in a conversation about a relationship, I said it was okay to share both good and bad experiences with somebody close. That kind of conversation had another purpose from the preamble I disliked giving to strangers. When I talk about what I wanted from family, I mean comfort, interest and somebody willing to hear more of what I was carrying. Those are the experiences behind the way I speak about support now. Related answers How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering? What was reading aloud in class like for me? In this answer 01 The day in the driveway 02 When my dad said “relax” 03 What kind of support did I want? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 1: My parents' driveway. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I went into an embroidery store to get a custom patch made. I was in my twenties, helping a friend who had a clothing company and designed things for surfers and skaters. The patch was for a hat.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What did I learn from a hostile encounter while practicing? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I went into an embroidery store to get a custom patch made. I was in my twenties, helping a friend who had a clothing company and designed things for surfers and skaters. The patch was for a hat. When I spoke to the man in charge, I stuttered badly over my name. He smirked. I got a bad feeling in my stomach. I knew something was wrong, but I stayed. Then he called over another man who worked there and asked me to tell him my name too. He had just heard how hard it was for me to say it. Now I felt as though I was there to entertain them. I said it again I didn't know how to stand up for myself in that moment. I didn't know that I could say no or walk away. I felt intimidated and trapped, so I tried again. I blocked worse and pushed through it. I left feeling like crap. When I tell the story, I am very clear about what I wish I had done: leave the store when I felt that something was wrong. The first demand for my name was already hard. The second demand, after he called over his buddy, was another moment when I could have chosen to leave. I didn't take that choice. Why I tell this while talking about practice I retold the experience during the market recording because I was explaining how I had learned to pay attention to the situation around me. The embroidery encounter happened earlier, in the store. The market was where I was talking about it. I wanted to explain that going out and practicing also involved learning whom I wanted to speak with and which interactions I did not want to continue. I hadn't known how to do that when I was younger. In other conversations, I've said directly that I can walk away from an interaction. With Don, when we discussed an optional practice outing, I said we could read the room and leave. We could look for a better environment. That was part of the choice available on that outing. I was looking for a place where we could practice, and we could move if it wasn't going well. The lesson I took from this particular encounter I had felt the warning and ignored it. I wished I had listened to it and had the courage to leave. That is the meaning I gave this story. The other side of my practice was learning to take an opening and speak while I felt nervous. Both experiences are in my account: the effort to approach and the effort to recognize when I wanted to stop. This is one of the stories behind the judgment I later used in public. I wanted to learn how to talk and live in the world, and that included learning that I did not owe those two men another attempt at my name. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? In this answer 01 I said it again 02 Why I tell this while talking about practice 03 The lesson I took from this particular encounter THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 22: I should have left. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Some of the places where I practiced became places I liked going. Returning gave the next conversation a little history. I could remember a person, ask about something and have a reason to talk again.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Why did I keep going back to some of the same places? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Some of the places where I practiced became places I liked going. Returning gave the next conversation a little history. I could remember a person, ask about something and have a reason to talk again. At the market, I stopped by a stall and asked about a son I had met before. His mother said he was getting her hot chocolate. I said, “Oh, he's a good son.” She agreed, and I said I would stop by again. Then I explained why I liked that kind of connection. I had already met him. This time, I had a person to ask about. I wasn't starting from nothing. Remembering someone can start another exchange In the recording where I tell the yoga-class story, I walk into a place and ask about Josh. I had met him at one place, and he had gone to work at another. I asked whether he was still there and learned something about where he was working. Then I spoke with the person serving me. We introduced ourselves, I explained that I was recording about my stuttering experience, and I asked for a surprise mocktail. She asked about my tastes, and we talked through the order. The question about Josh was an opening based on someone I knew. The rest developed with the person who was there that day. Being out became part of my ordinary day When I explained building momentum before going out at night, I said I had already been talking around town and doing work in a coffee shop. I wasn't always arriving after a whole day without speaking. Over time, I described talking with clerks and the person bagging groceries, and having conversations while traveling. I kept thinking of it as practice, but it also became habitual. I wanted to enjoy being out in the world. These were places where I could work, buy something, have a coffee and talk with people. Why that mattered to me beyond the first conversation I knew how lonely stuttering could feel. I had spent time standing with friends while things I wanted to say stayed in my head. Later, I described how much I valued talking more and sharing life with somebody who cared. You can ask how something went since the last time you spoke. They can ask about you. There was joy for me in that exchange. A stranger felt like a fresh start when I was learning. Returning to a place could give a later conversation something familiar. Those were both experiences I valued. The market example is small: ask about someone I have met, hear what is happening and say I will come back. It shows one ordinary way a conversation can have a little more history next time. The loneliness article explains why those relationships mattered so much to me. In this answer 01 Remembering someone can start another exchange 02 Being out became part of my ordinary day 03 Why that mattered to me beyond the first conversation THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.A lot of the cost was in things I didn't try. Chances I let slip away because I was scared. People didn't always have to tell me no; I had already taken myself out of it.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships How did stuttering affect my choices at work? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print A lot of the cost was in things I didn't try. Chances I let slip away because I was scared. People didn't always have to tell me no; I had already taken myself out of it. I looked at work through my speech. How much talking would I have to do? I have also described feeling passed over for promotions. Those feelings were part of the life I was trying to change. I wanted my speech at work A meeting, a call, speaking with my boss or a client: those were situations I wanted to handle. When someone important asked me to speak, I knew the feeling of my heart dropping. I worked on using my voice early in a meeting. I wrote down personal details people mentioned so I had something real to ask them the next time. I was doing that for my speech. Sometimes the task arrived quickly On one process-improvement project, a senior person told the three of us we would be presenting at the company's town halls. We had four days. It turned into seven panels over two days. I was nervous and worked hard. Between sessions, I took a few minutes for my music before going back. I wanted the work I'd been doing on my speech to be there when a situation like that came. That was why I kept testing what I learned in actual work situations: applying for jobs, presenting to colleagues, making calls. I wanted to be able to use it. A participant described a job he once would not have considered Crimson, a police officer I spoke with in a group call, told me he still had difficult days and still stuttered, including at work. He said his job knew and was fine with it. He said this was a job he once would not have thought of doing. Being out, talking with people and answering their questions mattered to him. His words were: “I need to go out there. I need to talk with people. And I need to be around people. And then have them ask me stuff.” Crimson: And then answer those questions. A caller described somebody else telling him no A caller from Oman told me about an opportunity to become a commercial pilot. He said he had been told they didn't want somebody who stuttered. I was sorry to hear it. So much of my own cost had been the risks I didn't take or opportunities I let go before somebody could tell me no. Craig: a lot of mine was things I did not do risks I did not take or chances I let slip through my hands but with you you actually got a real no He also told me what he wanted to do next: cybersecurity, the direction he had wanted to pursue as a child. The pilot opportunity had excited him, and he described being hurt when it ended. He was now talking about a different direction he wanted for himself. Related answers What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? In this answer 01 I wanted my speech at work 02 Sometimes the task arrived quickly 03 A participant described a job he once would not have considered 04 A caller described somebody else telling him no THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.It affected whether I approached somebody, what I could say once we were talking, and even what I ordered. One afternoon in college gave me all of that in the same experience.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print It affected whether I approached somebody, what I could say once we were talking, and even what I ordered. One afternoon in college gave me all of that in the same experience. The invitation went well I was at the University of Florida during Summer B. There were fewer students around, and that felt more comfortable to me. I saw a girl walking alone. I hadn't seen her before that day, and my confidence was pretty high. So I approached her. I managed to ask fluently if she wanted to get ice cream with me at the Ben and Jerry's across from campus. Then we had to have the conversation I struggled with the basic details people talk about. My hometown. My major. The fraternity I was part of. I got the invitation out. Then I was stuttering through those ordinary things about myself. I ate chocolate ice cream that day because I stuttered more on the word vanilla. Vanilla was what I really wanted. How the date ended The ice-cream date was short, and we had very little in common. What I focused on was my fluency and struggling to say the basics to a complete stranger. If I was grading the date, I’d say A for effort and D for fluency. But aren’t we always harder on ourselves? What was I still learning? That was a step in my process. I was gaining confidence, but I didn't fully understand how to maintain my fluency, how my emotional state came into it, or how to speak spontaneously. Those were things I still had to figure out. The invitation was one part of that afternoon. Saying my hometown and major, keeping the conversation going, and ordering the ice cream I wanted were parts of it too. That's why this story stayed with me. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? What do I say after the other person answers? How did I hide how hard speaking was for me? In this answer 01 The invitation went well 02 Then we had to have the conversation 03 How the date ended 04 What was I still learning? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I wanted the college experience. At the University of Florida, I pledged a fraternity as a freshman and lived in the fraternity house as a sophomore. In one sense, it was a dream come true. It was also intimidating as hell for my speech.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What happened to my speech when I went to college? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I wanted the college experience. At the University of Florida, I pledged a fraternity as a freshman and lived in the fraternity house as a sophomore. In one sense, it was a dream come true. It was also intimidating as hell for my speech. There were people around, noise, girls visiting, parties and conversations happening all the time. I wanted to be part of that life, and I was struggling to speak in it. I went back for help I checked myself into speech therapy on campus. I worked with a graduate student while I was a sophomore. What she taught me came from a textbook, and my frustration was what happened afterward. In my account, I say I couldn't make those things work in the fraternity house, around campus or when I went out socially. That was the problem I kept trying to solve: the speech had to show up in the places where my day actually happened. I wasn't choosing the next question everybody would ask me. The place was busy and unpredictable. I wanted to be able to join in. An invitation could go well and still leave a hard conversation During Summer B, there were fewer students around and I felt a little more comfortable. I saw a girl walking alone and asked fluently whether she wanted to get ice cream. Then I struggled with my hometown, major and fraternity while we talked. I wanted vanilla ice cream and ordered chocolate because it was easier to say. That afternoon shows the kind of experience I was having: a step forward in one part, difficulty in the next. I later described it as a stage when I was gaining confidence and still learning how to maintain my speech and speak spontaneously. Spain gave me something else to investigate When I studied in Valencia, I had to work hard at Spanish. I had taken Spanish one twice, and using it took a lot of attention. I was listening, translating and trying to speak in it. Then, when I called friends back home in English, I noticed my speech was much better. That got my attention. I wanted to understand what had happened. The improvement did not simply stay with me after the trip. I have described it as a temporary breakthrough. I returned with a glimpse of the speech I wanted and a lot of questions about how to have it more consistently. The work continued after college I read, tried ideas, went on dates, applied for jobs, made calls and spoke in front of colleagues. I took what I was learning into different situations and found out what happened. I've described that as years of trying and refining. College is part of that history because it made the problem so immediate: I wanted the life around me, and my speech made it hard to participate. The experience in Spain was another part. It gave me something to pursue, but it didn't remove the need to do the work in the rest of my life. Related answers What was reading aloud in class like for me? How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? In this answer 01 I went back for help 02 An invitation could go well and still leave a hard conversation 03 Spain gave me something else to investigate 04 The work continued after college THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I was new at school in sixth grade. The teacher was calling on us to read a paragraph out loud. She knew by then that I stuttered.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What was reading aloud in class like for me? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I was new at school in sixth grade. The teacher was calling on us to read a paragraph out loud. She knew by then that I stuttered. When it was my turn, I blocked terribly. I remember it as the worst public blocking I'd had. I wanted to hide below my desk, but I couldn't. I had to live with that feeling. That is the kind of humiliation I remember carrying. An ordinary class task was something I desperately wanted to get through. I tried a public-speaking class later In tenth grade, I chose to take public speaking. I wanted to talk. I remembered standing in front of about fifteen people and feeling intimidated. I got a C. The way I told it was that they didn't have the heart to fail me because I tried. That was how I understood the grade. My speech was still so hard for me. The places where I wanted my speech to work School was one of the places I wanted to speak well. Later, I kept trying what I learned in classrooms, at work and in ordinary conversations. I failed many times while working it out. I also read aloud on my own to find what confidence sounded like in my voice. Being made to read in class and choosing to practice at home were both parts of my experience. What did another person do when classroom speaking felt too painful? Someone on a group call told me he had skipped classes when he expected presentations, speeches or reading aloud. I asked where he went. He said the playground or the gym, or sometimes he called in sick. That was his account. I had asked about the most painful part of his experience, and those were the situations he described. Related answers How can I prepare without scripting every word? What happened to my speech when I went to college? In this answer 01 I tried a public-speaking class later 02 The places where I wanted my speech to work 03 What did another person do when classroom speaking felt too painful? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I went to Valencia, Spain, to study abroad. I lived on a college campus and roomed with friends I met on the trip. My Spanish was hard work. I had taken Spanish one twice.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What happened to my speech when I studied in Spain? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I went to Valencia, Spain, to study abroad. I lived on a college campus and roomed with friends I met on the trip. My Spanish was hard work. I had taken Spanish one twice. That is an important part of the story. I had to pay attention to what I heard, try to translate it and find a way to speak. I was putting a lot into using the language. The change I noticed was on calls home When I called friends back home, I noticed how different my speech was. Those were conversations in English. I described the speech as flawless compared with what I was used to. It caught my attention because I knew the opposite experience so well. Normally, I could be thinking obsessively about stuttering, replaying old memories and planning what I would say next. In Spain, I was occupied with trying to use another language. I interpreted the experience through what was happening in my mind and with my attention. I didn't know exactly how it had happened. I wanted to figure it out. What happened when I came home? I've said that I returned at twenty-one asking myself what the hell had happened. The fluency I had there didn't translate into a lasting change by itself. It had been a good breakthrough temporarily. That distinction is part of my account. I had seen what better speech could feel like. I still needed to understand how to bring it into my ordinary life after the trip. A glimpse gave me something to work toward I became absorbed in reading older self-help material and trying the ideas. I took them into dates, job applications, work calls and speaking in front of colleagues. Sometimes an idea did not work the way I hoped. I failed many times. I kept studying, applying, trying and refining. I've described about ten years of working things out after that glimpse. The trip mattered because it made me think there was something I could understand. It was an experience I had actually had, not just somebody promising me that better speech was possible. What this story does and does not tell you about my journey The observation was specific: I was working hard to use Spanish, and my English conversations with people back home were much smoother. My interpretation concerned the attention I was giving the new language and the way that changed my usual mental pattern. I can tell you that experience and what I thought it meant. I cannot turn it into a complete explanation of why another person's speech differs between languages. In my longer journey, Spain was a glimpse and a question that kept me working. I wanted to have that freedom in more of the places where I lived. Related answers What happened to my speech when I went to college? Why did I have to practice in real conversations? In this answer 01 The change I noticed was on calls home 02 What happened when I came home? 03 A glimpse gave me something to work toward 04 What this story does and does not tell you about my journey THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 5: Spain. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.A long time. I have described ten years of working things out after the glimpse of fluency I had while studying in Spain. I had already been stuttering and trying to find help for years before that.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print A long time. I have described ten years of working things out after the glimpse of fluency I had while studying in Spain. I had already been stuttering and trying to find help for years before that. The breakthrough was temporary. I came home wondering what had happened and how I could have that freedom in the rest of my life. What filled those years? I studied self-help. Then I applied it: going out on dates, applying for jobs, standing in front of colleagues, making calls at work. Those were chances to test what worked and what didn't. I could try an idea, fail with it, work on it and go back out. I failed a lot more often than I found success. Slowly I built on what worked. That is what sits behind a simple-looking piece of advice. Asking a question and responding without pre-scripting it took me a lot of practice. Sometimes I blocked. Sometimes I wasn't quick enough. I wanted someone to explain how I had met people who said they used to stutter. I asked what happened and how they did it. They couldn't explain it in a way that gave me a direction. I had to figure out my own path. The shit I share came from those years of trying. I'm giving the explanation I would have loved to have had while I was struggling. I still bring what I learned into the next conversation. Most of the time it is subconscious now because I have done it for so many years. Related answers How did I start working on my stuttering? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? In this answer 01 What filled those years? 02 I wanted someone to explain how THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 3: Me and you. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I had to have hope. I wanted to believe I could have a different life with my speech, and I was willing to work for it.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I had to have hope. I wanted to believe I could have a different life with my speech, and I was willing to work for it. What I meant when I argued about acceptance When someone asked me about accepting my stutter, I explained how I was hearing that word: stuttering is part of you, it isn't changeable, so accept it. I called that “rat poison for fluency.” That is how strongly I felt about telling myself my future couldn't change. For me, living with no hope felt like imprisonment. I did not want to make that the story I told myself about the rest of my life. I was still going to stutter while I worked When I came back from the trip where my speech had improved temporarily, I kept asking what had happened. The improvement hadn't lasted. I thought I might still be stuttering for years. I didn't know how long. I could stutter and stay where I was, or I could stutter and try to get better. That was the choice I made. I wasn't looking for a quick fix. I wanted something sustainable. Thinking of myself as someone working on his fluency gave that work a place in how I saw myself. I kept the change in my own head. It gave me a little hope. What did I say to someone who saw acceptance differently? In one call, the other person said that accepting his stutter helped him. He thought he might stutter more without that acceptance. I explained that I knew I had a stutter too. What I had accepted was that I was going to work on it. I thought I might be stuttering for three years, five years, who knew how long. I might as well work on it while I was going through it. I told him, “I respect where you are on yours.” My position was still strong. I wanted hope that my speech could change, and I wanted to work for that change. The choice belongs to you I've also said that you and I can be friends whichever way you choose. The choice is yours. What I can explain is the choice I made and the work I put into it. What “living with it” meant in another person’s account Crimson told me that his interpretation of a fellow officer's words had changed. The officer said he had learned to live with his stutter. At first, Crimson didn't like that answer. He wanted the stutter out of his life. Later, Crimson understood the officer to mean living with it while keeping it under control. He also valued knowing he wasn't the only officer who stuttered. That was the meaning he was explaining to me. I replied, “Now, I'm showing you just my way, but there's like a lot of ways, right?” I happen to like my way. I can tell you why it mattered to me, and I can hear what somebody else means when they use those words. Related answers What does fluency mean to me? In this answer 01 What I meant when I argued about acceptance 02 I was still going to stutter while I worked 03 What did I say to someone who saw acceptance differently? 04 The choice belongs to you 05 What “living with it” meant in another person’s account THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 8: I had to keep hope. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I looked outside the stuttering world too. I read older self-help material because I wanted to understand what was happening in my own thoughts, confidence and daily life.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started What kinds of books influenced my speaking journey? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I looked outside the stuttering world too. I read older self-help material because I wanted to understand what was happening in my own thoughts, confidence and daily life. The Magic of Believing, by Claude Bristol, is one book I've named directly. I described it as one of the most impactful books I'd read, and I talked about passing copies to people. It wasn't a book about stuttering. I was interested in its ideas about belief and what I thought might be possible for myself. Different ideas for different parts of the work I've referred to Psycho-Cybernetics when discussing self-image. I've credited Louise Hay when describing the mirror practice: looking myself in the eyes and learning to speak to myself with kindness. I've also mentioned reading a Larry King book and recognizing the importance of curiosity. I was already asking people questions. Hearing more about being interested in the other person fit something I was trying to learn: how to stay in the conversation instead of planning every word of my turn. These were influences on different parts of my work. Beliefs. Self-image. The way I spoke to myself. The way I listened to somebody else. How did I find some of those books? In my dictated account, I named Claude Bristol, Maxwell Maltz and David Schwartz among the writers I studied. I was reading material that wasn't about stuttering and trying to understand what I could use for my own speech. In a group conversation, I explained how I had come across one influential book. Someone teaching a course mentioned it. I was curious, wrote the name down, and looked it up. He had just mentioned the book. I still had to take the ideas into my life I studied, applied, tried and refined. I wasn't finished when I understood a sentence in a book. I had to go out, speak and find out what happened when a conversation surprised me. Some ideas I borrowed, some I adapted, and some took a lot of work before I could use them. That's the story I'm sharing here: books and people that influenced me, and the work I did with those ideas. I'm describing my reading and experience. This isn't a complete review of every book about stuttering, and the books I have named here served different purposes for me. Other names in my notes My notes also name Earl Nightingale, Wallace Wattles, Robert Collier, Joseph Murphy and Dale Carnegie. I wrote their names under the heading “Greatest Mind Powerers.” Related answers Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? In this answer 01 Different ideas for different parts of the work 02 How did I find some of those books? 03 I still had to take the ideas into my life 04 Other names in my notes THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.In one conversation, someone was worried about using “like” too much and sounding unprofessional. We had only been discussing it for a few minutes. My response was that, right then, I wouldn't change it.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life Why did I sometimes leave filler words alone? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print In one conversation, someone was worried about using “like” too much and sounding unprofessional. We had only been discussing it for a few minutes. My response was that, right then, I wouldn't change it. I wanted to reframe how the person was thinking about it. I said there were a lot of directions we could take, but this was how I would think about it for myself. They could decide whether it felt appropriate to them too. The thought I suggested “Who cares that I say this word a lot,” was the way I began it. Then: “It helps my speech.” I was offering a different way to think about the word in the conversation we were having. At that moment, I thought it was working for the person. I was concerned with confidence. I didn't want to turn something they were using to speak into one more reason to feel bad about themselves. That was my response to that person in those few minutes. Hearing what someone means by their question matters to me. Here, the question led to how they felt about their speech as well as the word they kept using. Related answers Should I record myself when I practice speaking? What does fluency mean to me? Do I have to talk quickly and be funny to be good at conversation? In this answer 01 The thought I suggested THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Speaking in a loud place was a skill I had to learn. I didn't have much experience using a strong voice without feeling as though I was yelling. I would speak, and somebody would say, “What? I can't hear you.” Then I had to say it again.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak How did I learn to speak in loud places? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print Speaking in a loud place was a skill I had to learn. I didn't have much experience using a strong voice without feeling as though I was yelling. I would speak, and somebody would say, “What? I can't hear you.” Then I had to say it again. In the July conversation, Don said a loud restaurant or bar was still hard for him. There was so much going on that it felt like overload. I told him this was a hard thing for me too. I had to learn to use enough voice for the place The practical problem was that the person needed to hear me. I could be speaking in a voice that was too quiet for the room. I had to learn what it felt like to speak loudly in that setting. I said there had been places loud enough that I had yelled and nobody told me I was too loud. They just talked back. That was an experience I had while figuring this out for myself. The tonality mattered as well. I didn't have much experience talking loudly without a yell. If I was saying something friendly, I wanted it to sound friendly. I gave the example of telling someone she was beautiful with a smile on my face. What I heard when Don tried a different voice Earlier in that call, I had asked Don to speak enthusiastically about his girlfriend. When he said “the kindest,” I picked out that first delivery. I heard a loud, confident voice without anger. I asked him to try another example using that voice. After another attempt, he asked whether it sounded salesy or theatrical. I said that was what enthusiasm sounded like, and that becoming comfortable with the feeling was part of it. Don described more energy, tonality, rhythm and free flow. He said he wasn't trying to speak so quietly and perfectly or disguise mistakes. That was his description during the exercise. We weren't testing the exercise in a crowded bar. But the exchange about enthusiasm shows the particular distinction I wanted him to hear: a voice can have energy and confidence without anger. It was another part of speaking I needed experience with I called the loud setting advanced because improving in some situations did not mean I had already learned every way to use my voice. The next time I had to speak loudly could still feel unfamiliar. I had to work on the volume, the tone and the feeling of using that voice in the place itself. It was part of why I kept bringing the work into real environments. I wanted to be able to go out and talk. The crowd could give me something to discuss, and the noise could require a different amount of voice. Those were both parts of the situation I was learning to handle. Being heard without straining My experience of speaking up in a noisy place needs a limit. There is such a thing as too loud. Move closer or choose a quieter place rather than keep raising your voice over the noise. Rest a voice that feels painful, hoarse, or strained; persistent problems deserve professional attention. Voice-care guidance from the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders supports those limits. Related answers How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did I practice talking in a crowd? In this answer 01 I had to learn to use enough voice for the place 02 What I heard when Don tried a different voice 03 It was another part of speaking I needed experience with 04 Being heard without straining THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 14: Enthusiasm is contagious. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Two inches tall is how I described feeling intimidated before I spoke. Someone could have authority, and I would feel tiny in front of them. My name was already difficult, and now the importance I gave the other person made the whole situation feel bigger.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak What do I mean by feeling Two Inches Tall or Ten Feet Tall? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Two inches tall is how I described feeling intimidated before I spoke. Someone could have authority, and I would feel tiny in front of them. My name was already difficult, and now the importance I gave the other person made the whole situation feel bigger. Ten feet tall is the feeling I wanted to learn: confidence, presence, being willing to use my voice. I was describing how the situation felt to me. A little less intimidated was still a difference When I explained this to Gloria, I said I didn't mean that she had to feel no intimidation. I wanted her to feel less of it. Going in at two or three feet tall, instead of two inches, was the way I put it. I knew the humiliation and the difficulty of trying to talk while I felt small. I wanted to work on the state I brought in with me. The caller who said he warmed up During another conversation, a caller described making practice calls. I asked about the beginning. He said he gradually felt more comfortable after more calls. I asked whether that meant he had gone from two inches to five inches. He said four. I told him I wanted him to start three feet tall. He then said he hadn't tried that preparation and had mostly been going in cold. That is the exchange behind the image. He was reporting that successive calls became more comfortable. I was asking him to try changing how he felt before the first one. What could I actually do before speaking? Music was one thing I used. The idea came from music I played when I ran or worked out. I tried bringing that energy into how I felt before a call or before going somewhere to talk. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. I wanted to give myself a better chance than spending the drive replaying my worst memories. Smaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already talked to people on the walk from my car. When I spoke about going out at night, I described having been talking around town earlier. I liked getting going before the bigger setting. That is momentum in my account. I built it through the things I did and the thoughts I carried. I could still feel nervous In the yoga class, I raised my hand and volunteered to introduce myself first. I said I was still scared. I preferred taking that opening to counting down the people before my turn. So the size words belong to those experiences: feeling intimidated, wanting to change how I arrived, and learning to use my voice while some nerves were still there. The yoga story shows one particular moment when I made that choice. Related answers How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? In this answer 01 A little less intimidated was still a difference 02 The caller who said he warmed up 03 What could I actually do before speaking? 04 I could still feel nervous THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.The feeling is the key. When I explain an Intentional Dream, I am talking about seeing myself in a speaking situation and bringing a feeling of real happiness into that picture. I had spent years picturing struggle and failure.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? By Craig Coffee 5 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print The feeling is the key. When I explain an Intentional Dream, I am talking about seeing myself in a speaking situation and bringing a feeling of real happiness into that picture. I had spent years picturing struggle and failure. I learned to practice in my mind as well as practice in real life. I called this part an Intentional Dream. I wanted to change the picture I was carrying of myself before I had to speak. The call is finished. How do I feel? In one explanation, I described lying on the floor, on a couch or in a chair before a difficult call. I pictured hanging up when it was finished. How did I want to feel then? Fucking excited. Like I'd done well and was going to get a cup of coffee. The coffee was something to look forward to in that imagined scene. I talked about doing something fun afterward, about celebrating. I wanted to picture the feeling of having handled the call. What did I mean when someone asked about manifesting? Someone asked whether I meant manifesting what they wanted to see. I came back to the feeling. What matters in this explanation is how I feel in the picture, including how I want to feel when the call is done. It could be a coffee or a little celebration. I said the specific picture could change. The thing I wanted to work with was feeling excited and confident in that scene. I also said, “I didn't create this, but I did apply it to speech.” What was the scene I used for myself? Introducing myself to doctors was a real challenge for me. Saying my name was hard, and people with authority could make me feel intimidated. My dream included being confident as I introduced myself to people in a big hotel ballroom. In another explanation, I described bringing in a happy memory of meeting one of my sports heroes. I knew how that excitement felt. In the dream, I used that feeling while picturing myself shaking the doctor's hand. I've also explained this around a job interview. It is a scene I am imagining before the conversation: the introduction, talking, and how I would like to feel. I am practicing with that picture. How did I help someone bring a memory into the picture? Jovanni wanted to go into law. I asked what kind of attorney he wanted to be, and we pictured him speaking in a courtroom. Then I asked for a happy memory. He told me about a vacation in Jamaica with his family and how much he had enjoyed that time together. I asked him to close his eyes for a moment and go back to that experience. Remember being there. Feel how he had felt. Then, with his eyes still closed, I asked him to picture the courtroom, walking in front of the judge and talking to the jury with confidence. That was the order I walked him through: the happy memory, then the scene we had created, with that feeling brought into it. He told me he was already feeling more at ease and more confident just thinking about the picture. He said he was going to try using it. What if the happy memory comes from somewhere else? I talked with a baseball player who could remember how good it felt to play well. In the same call, his friend wanted to sing and had stage fright. I said he hadn't had success in that spot yet, so I asked him for a good memory from his life. He chose meeting his friends for the first time. I asked him to go through that experience again before picturing himself on stage. Bring that happiness into the picture. For my own introduction to a doctor, I had used the feeling of meeting a sports hero. The feeling was the part I wanted to bring with me. When the person already brought joy into the scene In another conversation, I asked a young bassist to picture himself onstage in a stadium. He imagined the crowd, people calling his name or the band's name, throwing picks and interacting with fans. He called it the best feeling ever. He was describing how good that imagined scene felt to him. I told him that for most people I ask them to mix in a feeling from one of their better memories: “Cause you need to bring that joy into the dream.” With him, I could hear the joy as he described it. I said he had it. When I asked what he had taken from it, he said, “I think I found the missing piece.” Then he corrected himself: “I mean, I don't think I found the missing piece yet, or I probably did, but it's my determination.” I told him he already had determination. When did I do this? When I explained my own practice, I described five minutes before I went to bed and five minutes when I woke up. I would still be in bed, before touching my phone, picturing myself speaking the way I wanted to speak. With Jovanni, I described putting the phone down before sleep and going through the courtroom picture for five minutes. Then doing it again on waking, before grabbing the phone or leaving the bed. Those were the times I told him I used for this practice. Could the picture be about something coming up soon? Yes. In the baseball conversation, I said he could change the dream or have two of them. One could be for a game coming up. Another could be for a bigger goal. I wasn't asking him to keep the same picture forever. Did my preparation before a difficult call stay the same? No. I described spending about thirty minutes on it earlier. Once I got better, I did it for a few minutes. Later, I mainly used that more deliberate preparation before huge calls. The routine changed as I got better. I have also described using it briefly before a smaller work presentation. The time I spent on the picture could change. The feeling was still the part I wanted to bring into the speaking situation. When I explain an Intentional Dream, that is the detail I want you to get: the situation I pictured, the feeling I brought into it, and how I practiced with it before I spoke. Related answers How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did stuttering affect my choices at work? In this answer 01 The call is finished. How do I feel? 02 What did I mean when someone asked about manifesting? 03 What was the scene I used for myself? 04 How did I help someone bring a memory into the picture? 05 What if the happy memory comes from somewhere else? 06 When the person already brought joy into the scene 07 When did I do this? 08 Could the picture be about something coming up soon? 09 Did my preparation before a difficult call stay the same? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Before you speak Related answers from the collection. How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did music help me before I went out to speak? How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? YOU ARE HERE What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 12: The intentional dream. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I still wasn't speaking the way I wanted in the places that mattered to me.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started Why did I keep looking after my own speech therapy? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I still wasn't speaking the way I wanted in the places that mattered to me. I had speech therapy for years as a child, and I also did a semester of work with a graduate student in college. There were kind people in that experience. I remember that, and it mattered to me. But my own speech outside the room was still a struggle. At school, in front of people, and later in work situations, I wanted something I could keep using when I didn't control what was about to happen. That was the problem I became obsessed with: how could I have the speech I wanted in real life? I began trying things around confidence, how I talked to myself, how I prepared, and how I entered an actual conversation. Then I practiced. There were failures and changes along the way. It took me a long time. This is the history behind the way I talk about my work. I'm describing what I experienced and what I kept looking for. I cared about being able to walk into the next situation and speak. That question kept me working after the help I'd already had. What did I actually practice in therapy? I made phone calls to ask stores what time they closed. I breathed on a tissue to work on breath and control. I worked on easy onsets to try to get words out that were hard for me. I practiced what I was taught. What frustrated me was my own speech outside the office: at school the next day, in college, at work, with friends, or when I talked to a girl. Those were the places where I wanted it to work. Why those telephone exercises felt difficult to me I remember calling the same stores over and over to ask when they closed. I already knew the answer. It could be Tuesday night, and I knew the store closed at nine. I disliked making those calls, and having somebody hear me make them was harder still. I described it as next to impossible for me at the time. Related answers How did I start working on my stuttering? How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? Did breathing exercises get me to where I am? What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak? What do I ask when someone tells me about another stuttering course? In this answer 01 What did I actually practice in therapy? 02 Why those telephone exercises felt difficult to me THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 4: The stuttering industrial complex. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Watch Craig Coffee’s speaking recordings and read what he noticed before, during and after conversations in stores, a market and a coffee shop.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started What should you look for in my speaking videos? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Watch Craig order a coffee. Opens the original recording on YouTube Look at what happens before the conversation, what I actually say, and what happens next. I want you to understand why I chose an opening and what I did when the other person said something I hadn't planned. Starting with something we can both see In the grocery-store recording, a man was looking at cookies. I commented on the cookies. Afterward I explained what I was looking for: a natural opening based on something we had in common or could both see. That's an example of how I start. I see something in front of us and say something about it. Then I have to deal with the response I actually get. Taking one opening inside a crowd In the market recording, I see somebody miss a trash can and make a comment. I had already talked to people on the way from my car. Those little conversations were part of how I got myself going. I walk through the crowd finding a person and something to say. There are people I have met before and people I haven't. That's what I am showing when I talk about practicing in a crowd. Asking for something I came to buy In the pizza-dough exchange, I ask where to find fresh dough, ask whether it is in the bakery, and follow up about sauce and cheese. Then I say, “perfect thank you very much.” I needed pizza dough. That gave me a reason to speak. It was a quick exchange, and I connected it to talking to somebody each day. Ordering a coffee and saying my name In the coffee recording, I ask for a pour-over, make my choice, say it is for here, and say, “my name is Craig.” Then I thank the person. My name had been so hard for me. Here I was placing an ordinary order while explaining my story. Changing the order when the answer surprises me At another place, I ask for a Jack and Coke and find out they don't have liquor. I'd forgotten. So I ask for a Stella. Then I find out they don't take cash, and I ask whether I can tip in cash. There are several things to work out after the first request. I have to hear the answer and respond to it. That's the actual exchange I describe in that recording. A comment can stay a comment In the bookstore piece, I talk about a comment that didn't turn into a conversation. That was fine. Sometimes it's short and we walk away. Sometimes someone answers and we keep talking. I've also said I failed a lot while learning this. I could be trying to speak spontaneously, somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked. Those attempts are part of my story too. Why I explain the moment before and afterward When I was discussing a possible outing with someone, I wanted them to watch me, try speaking themselves, and then talk about what happened. I said I would come back and explain what I did, why I said it and how I did it. I called the time before an approach and the time afterward valuable. That was the outing I was proposing. I also said it would be a trial run, because I hadn't done that kind of work with someone yet. What did I notice? What did I say? What answer came back? What did I do with it? That is the work I want to show and explain. Related answers How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? Should I record myself when I practice speaking? What am I promising when I share my stuttering story? In this answer 01 Starting with something we can both see 02 Taking one opening inside a crowd 03 Asking for something I came to buy 04 Ordering a coffee and saying my name 05 Changing the order when the answer surprises me 06 A comment can stay a comment 07 Why I explain the moment before and afterward THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 28: My name is Craig. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.When I moved and was changing my cell phone number, I asked for a choice. Saying my number was hard for me, and I wanted one I could say better.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? By Craig Coffee 1 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print When I moved and was changing my cell phone number, I asked for a choice. Saying my number was hard for me, and I wanted one I could say better. I went into the store in person and asked the person in charge whether I could choose from the numbers. I explained that I stuttered. They told me they didn't normally allow it, but they understood. They let me look at a page of about twelve or fifteen choices. I picked the one that was best for me to say. It was still a struggle to some degree because I was speaking. But this was something I had done successfully years before I told the story. The second idea I mentioned In the same recording, I mentioned a second number through an internet calling service as another possibility. The thing I described having done myself was the store visit. That was the opportunity I had: I was changing my number, and I asked. They made an exception to what they told me they normally allowed. Related answers Why was saying my name so hard for me? Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? In this answer 01 The second idea I mentioned THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Saying your name Related answers from the collection. Why was saying my name so hard for me? Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? What did going first change for me during introductions? What did I do when my phone number was hard to say? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 25: Say your name. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.First I want to know what the person means by a block. In one conversation, someone was describing something like a writer's block: he was nervous, it was his turn to speak, and he didn't know what to say next.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak What do I ask when someone says their mind goes blank in a conversation? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print First I want to know what the person means by a block. In one conversation, someone was describing something like a writer's block: he was nervous, it was his turn to speak, and he didn't know what to say next. I asked for a specific example. He mentioned an interview or speaking with someone while nervous. Then I asked what was happening in his mind before the moment when he couldn't find what to say. That distinction mattered to what I was trying to explain. We were talking about not knowing what to say next, rather than knowing a word and struggling to get it out. What I thought might be happening I said I thought he might not be present for the conversation. While the other person spoke, he might be thinking about future difficulty, whether he would stutter, and what could go wrong. Then his turn would come without much of the conversation available to respond to. That was my interpretation of the experience he described. I knew what it was like to spend another person's turn preparing mine. The explanation needed repeating During that exchange, he said he was trying to open his camera and had missed part of what I said. He then tried to describe the advice back to me as not thinking about what to say. I corrected that. I said, “What you need to do is shut the fuck up and listen to what they say and focus on their words and think about what they're saying.” He next described something like mirroring. I corrected that description too. I wanted him to listen to the actual words and their meaning. The cashier example I used a simple situation: talking to a cashier in a store. I described watching the person's mouth move while they spoke and concentrating on the words. That had given my mind something to do other than planning my own next words. What did the person actually say? What did they mean? Their answer could give me something to respond to, but I needed to hear it. For me, letting that happen took practice. I had spent years trying to control what would come next. I could be physically in the conversation while hardly listening to it. What question does this exchange answer? It shows how I responded to one person who described losing what to say while nervous. I asked about the moment before it happened, offered my interpretation, and tried to make the listening instruction clearer when it was misunderstood. The central action was listening to the conversation. I was not asking him to stop thinking altogether. I was asking him to think about what the other person was saying. Related answers What did a stuttering block feel like for me? What do I say after the other person answers? How can I prepare without scripting every word? In this answer 01 What I thought might be happening 02 The explanation needed repeating 03 The cashier example 04 What question does this exchange answer? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 16: Shut up and listen. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I used to feel that I did. I'd hear people talking quickly, making jokes, keeping things moving, and I found it impressive. Then I'd try to copy that while I was struggling to speak.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak Do I have to talk quickly and be funny to be good at conversation? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I used to feel that I did. I'd hear people talking quickly, making jokes, keeping things moving, and I found it impressive. Then I'd try to copy that while I was struggling to speak. That put even more pressure on me. I was already thinking about getting the words out. Now I thought I also had to be fast, say a lot and be clever while doing it. I had to take a step back and watch other kinds of speakers. I noticed people I regarded as confident or powerful who spoke more slowly and said less. They weren't all performing at a hundred miles an hour. That changed the picture I was carrying of what a good conversation had to look like. I could say less and still be in the conversation I could say a sentence or a phrase. I could ask something and hear the response. I didn't have to fill every quiet moment or immediately launch into a story. That was a relief. I had made conversation into an enormous job before I even began it. Seeing that someone could be comfortable saying less helped me change that expectation. The people I had admired for being quick were only one example of how a conversation could sound. There were other ways to speak that I wanted to learn from too. What I started paying attention to I watched tone and pace. I listened to how someone sounded when they were comfortable. I became more interested in the actual exchange than in trying to match somebody else's speed. This is part of what I mean by learning the art of conversation. I had spent years thinking about how to get a word out. I also had to learn what I could do once I was talking with another person. A question. An answer. A little curiosity. Some room for them to speak. I didn't have to be the quickest or funniest person there for that to be a conversation worth having. Related answers What do I say after the other person answers? In this answer 01 I could say less and still be in the conversation 02 What I started paying attention to THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I tried starting conversations by telling people I stuttered. I wanted the explanation to make the conversation go better. In my experience, it did the opposite of what I wanted inside me: I felt small, timid and meek.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships Why did I stop starting conversations by explaining my stutter? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I tried starting conversations by telling people I stuttered. I wanted the explanation to make the conversation go better. In my experience, it did the opposite of what I wanted inside me: I felt small, timid and meek. That is the experience behind “don't preamble.” I felt almost as if I had to ask permission to let somebody know I was going to stutter before I spoke. What I felt when I used it I said that I felt judged. Nobody announced that they were judging me. I was describing what I thought I read in the interaction and how it made me feel. I wanted to put my effort into working on my speech and being able to enter the conversation. I disliked making the speech difficulty my usual opening. In the ordinary conversations I show, I usually start with a comment or question about something in front of us. The person can respond. I can listen and work from the answer. I also described mentioning it in the moment In the same explanation, I asked whether someone could say something about their speech when it was particularly difficult in the moment. My answer was, “Of course.” That qualification belongs beside the strong preference I expressed. I was describing what my habitual preamble did to me and how I wanted to start ordinary conversations. I explained it when I needed a practical choice When I moved and needed to change my cell phone number, I went into a store and asked whether I could choose from the available numbers because I stuttered. The person said that wasn't normally allowed but understood and let me look at some choices. I selected my actual new number. That explanation had a particular job: I was asking for a choice that would help with something I had to say repeatedly. Don described another experience In an older call, Don told me about a stressful traffic stop. He said he explained to the officer that he sometimes got stuck on words. Don reported that the officer then became more relaxed and nicer toward him. That was Don's experience as he described it. It belongs here because it is a specific example of someone explaining difficulty during an interaction and reporting that the response improved. Talking with someone close has its own purpose I asked Don whether he had talked with his girlfriend about his speech. He said they had touched on it several times. I said that, around people you are close with, it is okay to share when things go well and when they don't. He wanted her to know, while still wanting to be seen as capable. We talked about that too. The relationship discussion concerns somebody who shares his life. My preference for an ordinary opening remains clear: I wanted to get into the conversation and use my voice without routinely introducing the thing I feared first. These other accounts keep the actual settings visible around that preference. Related answers Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? In this answer 01 What I felt when I used it 02 I also described mentioning it in the moment 03 I explained it when I needed a practical choice 04 Don described another experience 05 Talking with someone close has its own purpose THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I could look in a mirror and check my hair, my clothes or my face without really looking myself in the eyes. I was good at finding something I didn't like.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What did looking in the mirror have to do with my speaking journey? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I could look in a mirror and check my hair, my clothes or my face without really looking myself in the eyes. I was good at finding something I didn't like. The mirror practice I learned from Louise Hay asked me to do something different: look into my own eyes and speak to myself with kindness. That was unfamiliar to me after years of being so harsh about my speech. What did I say? I described phrases such as “I love myself,” “I'm worthy of love” and “I forgive myself.” They can look easy written down. For me, saying them and trying to mean them was the work. I wanted to be able to look at the person in the mirror with something other than criticism. I wanted a different relationship with myself after all those difficult speaking moments. In my dictated notes, I described spending twenty minutes daily looking in the mirror. I was working on how I treated myself after years of shame and harsh self-talk. A huge positive statement wasn't always where I could start In the self-talk explanation, I described needing to be happy enough with myself to believe something positive. Otherwise, I could say the words and immediately reject them. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I used it even late at night. It was a crutch, something more neutral that interrupted the criticism I was already giving myself. I also said I could feel a little better about having committed to work on my speech. My speech didn't have to be where I wanted it yet for that commitment to be real. Forgiveness had a place of its own In another video, I suggested writing a sentence of forgiveness with your own name in it. I gave the example, “I, Craig Coffey, forgive myself,” and suggested writing it ten times. I said it did not have to become a daily task. That was a separate suggestion. The kindness article includes it alongside the things I said about making room for enjoyment. Where the mirror belonged in the larger work I credit Louise Hay for the mirror practice. I found ideas from people outside the stuttering world and tried to understand what I could use in my life. I was also going out, speaking, struggling and practicing. The mirror gave me a place to work on how I treated myself. It did not replace the real conversations I wanted to be able to have. My self-talk work, the mirror and the actual practice all belong to that history. I was trying to stop turning every difficulty into another attack on the person who was already working hard. Related answers What counts as a small speaking success? In this answer 01 What did I say? 02 A huge positive statement wasn't always where I could start 03 Forgiveness had a place of its own 04 Where the mirror belonged in the larger work THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.No. I worked on my mind and I did a lot of practice in the real world. In one conversation, I described it as fifty percent in the mind and fifty percent practice. That was how I explained the work I had done.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print No. I worked on my mind and I did a lot of practice in the real world. In one conversation, I described it as fifty percent in the mind and fifty percent practice. That was how I explained the work I had done. There was a lot inside each part. The mental work was hard. So was learning to feel comfortable talking with people in public. It took a long time. What else did I have to work on? In my dictated notes, I corrected the idea that simply changing my beliefs would fix my stutter. I had also built up fear around speaking and introducing myself. I said that had to be addressed too, and that it took time. I had spent years worrying, stressing, and thinking about my speech. Changing the way I thought about myself was part of the work. So was learning to be in the situations where I wanted to talk. Positive self-talk had to go with something I could do When I explained positive self-talk, I said what worked for me was having that alongside new tools and speaking practice. I had to go out and use what I was learning. I took ideas into classrooms, work, phone calls and conversations. I tried and refined them. I failed more often than I succeeded while I was figuring it out. What gave me something to believe? One thing was the commitment itself. I got happier when I committed to working on my speech. That didn't mean I had good speech yet. It meant I had promised myself I would put the time in. Another was a small success that had actually happened. I ask people to remember one of those moments and the positive thing they said to themselves afterward. I wanted something to be excited about and build on. I was working on the thoughts I kept bringing into speaking, and I was practicing speaking. Both are in the account I have given of what changed my life. What did I actually do with a written statement? In a group call, I put a written statement in the chat and talked about affirming what I wanted: speaking confidently. I told the person, “Change it.” It was one thing I had used among a lot of things. When he asked what I did with it, I said, “I would write it down 20 times a day, but I'd say it in my head probably a hundred.” That was how I described my own repetition. I wanted to work on beliefs I had carried for years. In the same conversation, I also described talking to one stranger a day while I still stuttered. The written work and the speaking practice were both in the account I gave him. Words I actually suggested in another group call In a different group conversation, I offered a thought to somebody who didn't yet believe they could have confidence: Craig: if you on the call don't believe in yourself enough, know that I believe in you. I believe in you. I believe that you can have confidence. Craig: And that's a thought, if I was you, I would say to myself, I can have confidence. Confidence is possible. A participant could say the words and still not believe them LBZ described another difficulty. During the call, he was trying to think of himself as fluent. He could form the thought. He also noticed he didn't believe it. LBZ: I can have those thoughts. Like it's there. Like, if I want to, um, I can think it, but I, but I also noticed that I don't actually believe it. I answered through the way I understood my own beliefs: years of stuttering and memories of embarrassment had reinforced them. Telling myself something once wasn't the whole change I was trying to make. That was my explanation to him of why the belief could feel different from the sentence he could think. Related answers Why did I have to practice in real conversations? Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer? In this answer 01 What else did I have to work on? 02 Positive self-talk had to go with something I could do 03 What gave me something to believe? 04 What did I actually do with a written statement? 05 Words I actually suggested in another group call 06 A participant could say the words and still not believe them THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 7: What I noticed about my speech. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I was doing process-improvement work with two other people. Then a senior person told us we'd be on a panel at the company's town halls the following Thursday. We had four days to prepare.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I was doing process-improvement work with two other people. Then a senior person told us we'd be on a panel at the company's town halls the following Thursday. We had four days to prepare. Here was the shitter: it wasn't one town hall. It was seven over two days. Same panel. We had to speak at all seven. I worked really hard on the preparation. I did well, and I was very nervous. The sessions were recorded too, which I hadn't known. What I did in the five-minute gaps There were five minutes between town halls. I went to the bathroom most of the time and played my pump-up song. I did it in the midst of chaos. I did it for me. No one knew. I took that time for myself in my own big moments to work on my emotional state. I had something familiar I could use again Music was something I had already learned to use before speaking. It changed how I felt. Here, I used it before going back into the next session. That is the particular thing I wanted to explain about those two days: taking a little time for myself while I still had more speaking to do. Related answers What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? How can I prepare without scripting every word? In this answer 01 What I did in the five-minute gaps 02 I had something familiar I could use again THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? YOU ARE HERE Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 23: Join the calls before your boss. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I know the feeling of suddenly needing to speak to someone I regard as important. I can feel tiny in front of them. The situation becomes about their authority and what might go wrong with my speech.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak What do I reach for when I am suddenly put on the spot? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I know the feeling of suddenly needing to speak to someone I regard as important. I can feel tiny in front of them. The situation becomes about their authority and what might go wrong with my speech. In a work conversation with Don, I described reaching for the feeling of a time when I had spoken well. I wanted the memory of confidence available when I hadn't had a long time to prepare. The work situation I asked him to imagine I used the example of a client walking in unexpectedly, or finding the big boss there, or being asked to address a group of important people. I wasn't describing a single completed event. I was explaining the kind of surprise a workday can bring. What I wanted him to recall was the feeling from previous successes. What was it like when he knew he could talk? How did that confidence feel? That preparation through memory came from things I had already experienced. I wanted to bring something useful into a situation that was suddenly in front of me. The encounter I didn't expect after a comedy show I also told a real story from leaving a comedy show. There had been a line to get out, and we were near a side door. I wasn't expecting to see anybody in particular. Then a quarterback came out through a door and walked toward us. I said hello, shook his hand and said, “thanks for being you.” I thought he was a good guy. He laughed and thanked me. I felt a little silly about what I said. But I knew I wanted to say something. I didn't have a clever speech ready. Why I didn't turn it into a longer encounter He was on his way out. I wanted to be respectful, and I didn't want to stop him for a picture. I greeted him and let the moment be what it was. That is the part I wanted to explain: I didn't know exactly what to say, but I knew I was going to say something. It could be short. It could be ordinary. There was practice behind being able to respond I had spent years learning to speak without planning every word first. Sometimes I had blocked or wasn't quick enough. I kept practicing so I could respond to what was in front of me. The unexpected greeting and the imagined work demand are different examples. One records something I said. The other explains the kind of confidence I would reach for when a task arrived suddenly. I saw him as we came out, wanted to say something, and did. It was an encounter I remembered because I took the chance to greet him. Related answers How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? What happened when my practice did not work? In this answer 01 The work situation I asked him to imagine 02 The encounter I didn't expect after a comedy show 03 Why I didn't turn it into a longer encounter 04 There was practice behind being able to respond THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I had already made progress with my speech when work calls in a small office gave me another hard situation. There were seven people around me. I remember thinking how much that sucked.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I had already made progress with my speech when work calls in a small office gave me another hard situation. There were seven people around me. I remember thinking how much that sucked. I wanted to make the call, and other people could hear it. Being better at speech elsewhere did not make every new setting feel easy. The feeling of being intimidated was familiar. I could be thinking about what I was going to say, what might go wrong and how small I felt. That attention could grow before the conversation had even begun. That is why I care about where a call happens. Who is nearby? Who is on it? What is the part that feels difficult? Don's calls had different conditions When Don and I talked about his work meetings, I initially asked whether he was in a conference room with his boss. He said he took the calls from his own office with the door shut. That was useful information. We had talked about music before, so I suggested using a few minutes in that private space to play something that made him feel confident, then moving into the call. I also suggested joining the virtual meeting early, when there might be a chance for casual conversation before the main business. I wanted him to start using his voice instead of waiting while the question of speaking occupied his mind. That was the suggestion for his setting. My earlier memory of seven people in a small office was a different experience. A known format could still feel demanding The importance of the person also mattered in our discussion. A call could involve a client, a boss or somebody with authority. I described wanting to bring confidence with me and being able to recall a time I had spoken well. For Don, the closed office gave him an opportunity before the call. Joining early could give him another opportunity as people arrived. Those were concrete parts of the situation he described. What I wanted to understand about my own speech I wanted the progress I had made to carry into work and other demanding situations. Some things became easier. Some settings still asked more of me. I have also explained that my preparation changed over time. I used more of it earlier, then less, and later mainly before the biggest calls. I kept learning what I needed in the setting I was actually facing. My phone-call account describes more of that work. This office memory adds a particular difficulty: I was speaking to someone on the phone while other people around me could hear. Related answers What do I reach for when I am suddenly put on the spot? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? How did my speech change from one situation to another? In this answer 01 Don's calls had different conditions 02 A known format could still feel demanding 03 What I wanted to understand about my own speech THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? YOU ARE HERE What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.No. The amount of preparation changed as I got better. What I described doing before calls earlier in my journey was much more deliberate than what I needed later.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak Did I always need as much preparation before speaking? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print No. The amount of preparation changed as I got better. What I described doing before calls earlier in my journey was much more deliberate than what I needed later. What did the earlier preparation involve? In one call, I described spending thirty minutes beforehand working on how I felt. I might lie on the floor, on a couch or in a chair and picture how I wanted to feel when the call was done. That was part of what I mean by an Intentional Dream. I pictured finishing the call and feeling excited. Then going to get a cup of coffee or doing something enjoyable afterward. The feeling was what I was working on. What became shorter? I did that preparation repeatedly before calls. Then, once I got better, I would only do it for a few minutes. When I got really good, I was mainly doing it for a huge call. That is the progression I described. I still cared about the routine and how I felt going in. The routine had changed as I gained experience. I've also said that most of what I keep doing has become subconscious after so many years. I still use it. I don't have to describe a long preparation before every ordinary conversation to explain that. Related answers How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? In this answer 01 What did the earlier preparation involve? 02 What became shorter? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I asked Don whether he talked with his girlfriend about his speech. Had it ever come up? He said they had touched on it several times. I thought that was a good thing.Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What have I said about talking to a partner about difficult speech? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I asked Don whether he talked with his girlfriend about his speech. Had it ever come up? He said they had touched on it several times. I thought that was a good thing. I told him that, around the people you are really close with, it is okay to share when something goes well and when it doesn't. He wanted her to know and still see him as capable Don said he didn't want to hide it from his girlfriend. He also said he would not want support to make him feel as though he wasn't capable. He gave the example of someone speaking for her husband, then said he was sure his girlfriend was not doing that. I responded to the kindness I knew in him and the person she liked. His concern about how he wanted to be seen remained part of the exchange. This was a conversation about sharing life with somebody close. It was more specific than simply asking whether to tell a stranger about a stutter. Why I care about having someone to talk with In my own life, I could be standing with friends and still have a lot of things I wanted to say that stayed in my head. I could go home carrying humiliation that nobody had seen. I have said I would have loved a big brother who had gone through the same thing. The fluency help would have mattered, but so would having someone who understood the loneliness. I wanted somebody who could sit with me or talk on the phone and hear what the day had actually been like. There is more to share than difficult speech When I described what helped me later, I talked about learning to talk more and having relationships. You can ask someone how something went since the last conversation. They can ask about your life. There is joy in sharing those things. That is part of the life I wanted. Speaking about a hard day can have a place in it. So can telling somebody something went well. How this relates to my view of a preamble I have spoken strongly about disliking the habitual explanation I once gave before an ordinary conversation. It made me feel small and timid. That was my experience of starting that way. The exchange with Don was about a person who knew him and shared his life. I asked whether they had talked about speech, welcomed the fact that they had, and said that both good and difficult experiences could be shared. My account of the preamble and this relationship discussion belong in their own settings. The words I gave Don here were about closeness and being able to speak openly with someone important to him. Related answers What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering? How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating? In this answer 01 He wanted her to know and still see him as capable 02 Why I care about having someone to talk with 03 There is more to share than difficult speech 04 How this relates to my view of a preamble THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 24: The people closest to you. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Yes. I used to get to the end of a day, review it in my head and decide whether it was good or bad according to how my speech had gone.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life Did I judge my whole day by how much I stuttered? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Yes. I used to get to the end of a day, review it in my head and decide whether it was good or bad according to how my speech had gone. I explained this in the recording about choosing a phone number. A good day meant I'd struggled less. A bad day meant a bad fluency day. That was how I gauged it. It was a lot to put on my speech. A difficult moment didn't necessarily end when the conversation ended. I could take it into the rest of the day, replay it at night and use it to worry about tomorrow. What else was happening in those days? I was trying. I wanted to talk. I wanted a life with school, work, friendships and ordinary things I could enjoy. But when I looked back, the speech could become the thing that stood for all of it. That is why I talk about being kinder to yourself alongside working on your speech. In one video I said to make time for something that makes you smile. Go out, have some fun, do something for yourself. I knew how much attention I could give stuttering. I also wanted to live. Noticing something that actually went well In my self-talk work, I began looking for a small speaking experience that had been better than I expected. I wanted to hear the quiet “Man, I nailed that” as well as the familiar criticism. That didn't require inventing a perfect day. I was asking myself to remember something actual that I might otherwise overlook. I'm sharing the connection because I remember how completely speech could occupy my view of a day. Working on my speech mattered enormously to me. So did learning how to treat myself while I was doing it. In this answer 01 What else was happening in those days? 02 Noticing something that actually went well THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Sometimes I back down too. I have said that directly. Some days I want to stay in bed. I know what it is like to be working hard and not see progress every time.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What have I said about the days when I want to back down? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Sometimes I back down too. I have said that directly. Some days I want to stay in bed. I know what it is like to be working hard and not see progress every time. I have also been very forceful about going out and practicing. Both parts are in the way I talk about my own experience. The Sunday-night grocery recording At the start of that video, I was talking about excuses: being tired, not feeling right, waiting for a better day. I was recording content daily at that point, which was a new challenge for me, and I still went into the grocery store to show how I had practiced. I explained what I had done before going out, then found a little conversation with someone looking at cookies. It happened with the first person I spoke to in that demonstration. I told the viewer I was proud of the trying and the commitment. There wasn't going to be a perfect day when all of it felt easy. What I did when I missed my earlier daily practice In the account of my Once-a-Day Challenge, I said I would make up a missed day by talking to two people the next day. I was relentless about working on my speech. That is the commitment I described for myself. The later daily recording challenge was a different project, meant to help share what I had learned. The encouragement included difficult days In the encouragement video, I said people face battles and keep going, and then I corrected myself: sometimes we all back down, including me. I said some days I wanted to lie in bed all day too. I wanted the person listening to know I understood how hard it could be. Progress was not happening all the time. I had gone through a lot of failure before beginning to have some good speech, and even then it wasn't every moment. I also had to change what I did afterward I was hard on myself. A difficult attempt could turn into another night of criticism. Learning kindness, forgiving mistakes and making time for something enjoyable had a place in my work too. When something went a little better, I wanted to notice it. What had I managed to say? What had I said to myself afterward? That small experience could otherwise get lost while I judged the entire day. So the fuller account contains determination, missed days, attempts that failed and times I rested. I kept learning and refining what I could use. Those are separate parts of what I have described going through. I wanted a life in which I could talk more and enjoy it. Trying again mattered to me, and so did how I treated myself through the process. Related answers How did I practice while I was still stuttering? In this answer 01 The Sunday-night grocery recording 02 What I did when I missed my earlier daily practice 03 The encouragement included difficult days 04 I also had to change what I did afterward THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? YOU ARE HERE Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I studied, I applied, I tried. Then I went back and changed what I was doing.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started How did I turn things I read into something I could use when speaking? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I studied, I applied, I tried. Then I went back and changed what I was doing. That's the way I've described the years I spent working this out. I read a lot of self-help material, including older books, because I was looking for ideas I could use in my own life. Then I took those ideas into the real world. The real world gave me something a book couldn't give me by itself: a person who didn't follow the conversation I'd imagined, a work situation that surprised me, a call where I got nervous. An idea had to survive a real conversation I could understand an idea when I read it and still struggle when I tried it. That's why I kept saying that the concepts can sound simple while the work is hard. Asking an open-ended question sounds simple. Learning to ask it, listen and respond while I was nervous took practice. Working on confidence sounded simple too. Bringing it into school, work and public places took much more than reading the sentence. I failed a lot of times. I've talked about moments when my speech wasn't good and the tools weren't doing what I wanted. Those experiences showed me there was more to work out. Where did I try one idea? In a bunch of different environments. A classroom. A job. A conversation. A phone call. I would take something I had learned and try it on my speech in those places. I failed far more times than I found success. Slowly, I built on what worked and kept trying and refining it. That's the work behind saying I borrowed from other teachers: I still had to figure out how I could use what I read. What did someone tell me after trying the spontaneous speaking? A person came back to a group call after trying what we'd discussed over the previous few days. He said he usually delayed talking to people. This time, when he saw someone and knew what he wanted to say, he said it. He also described being with friends the day before and saying things as they came to him. I asked whether he was doing it with friends too, and how much of a difference he noticed. He said yesterday had felt much better. He was still having trouble getting the word stutter out in the call. I was glad he had tried it, and I wanted to hear more. I offered to talk again and told him to keep practicing and share what happened. It was one part of what I wanted to show him. We still had more to discuss. Back out into the world In one dictated account, I described coming back to my own “lab,” refining something, then taking it into the real world again. That was how I talked about my personal experimenting. I wanted something useful in the places where I actually lived. Some ideas were borrowed. Some I adapted. I have credited books and people whose work influenced me. What mattered was what I could understand, practice and bring into the next situation. I wasn't doing one reading exercise and declaring the whole thing finished. I wanted to make a call, have a conversation, speak at work and do it again another day. That is the process behind the speech you hear now: reading, trying, getting things wrong, adjusting, and practicing again. It took me a long time. I'm putting the explanation out because I would have loved to have more of that map while I was finding my way. Related answers Why did I have to practice in real conversations? What do I ask when someone tells me about another stuttering course? In this answer 01 An idea had to survive a real conversation 02 Where did I try one idea? 03 What did someone tell me after trying the spontaneous speaking? 04 Back out into the world THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 6: The jungle. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.My sister once heard me on the phone and thought I was being rude. I was relieved I hadn't blocked. That difference stayed with me.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life What hurt when people mistook my stutter for who I was? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print My sister once heard me on the phone and thought I was being rude. I was relieved I hadn't blocked. That difference stayed with me. The call I was trying to make I was in high school. I had met a girl through a friend, and she’d given me her phone number on a piece of paper. One afternoon I called it. A deep voice answered. I thought it must be her dad, and I was scared. I wanted to make a polite request to speak with her. What came out was her name, with repetitions, and please. She wasn’t available, and I declined to leave a message. I wanted to, but I didn’t feel I could get through it without embarrassing myself. Sometimes you just get plain tired of feeling embarrassed. My sister overheard that and thought I was rude. What she heard and what I was going through were very different. I had wanted to say the whole request, and I was just glad I hadn't blocked. Why that example matters to me It was an ordinary phone call to somebody I wanted to talk to. In my head, it had become a frightening speaking moment before I could get the request out. When I talk about how much could be going on around a few words, that is one of the experiences I mean. I knew what I wanted to say. The words the other person heard didn't carry the whole story. What an old friend told me years later I had a friend from a summer camp who lived out of town. We stayed in touch, and I asked her to my junior-year prom. We were always just friends. Years later, I got back in touch with her in New York. By then, my fluency had improved so much that I felt like a different person. We hung out, and the subject of my stutter came up. She told me she and her friends hadn’t known I stuttered. They had thought I was a little mentally slow. Related answers How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering? Why was saying my name so hard for me? In this answer 01 The call I was trying to make 02 Why that example matters to me 03 What an old friend told me years later THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 24: The people closest to you. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.When I talked about where to begin practicing, I said to look for gentle people. People who would be patient while you worked on your speech. I used grandparents as an example of the kind of person I had in mind.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print When I talked about where to begin practicing, I said to look for gentle people. People who would be patient while you worked on your speech. I used grandparents as an example of the kind of person I had in mind. I compared it with ski slopes. You choose something that is less hard at first. I wasn't asking somebody to begin with the most intimidating conversation they could find. The opportunities I used early on When I was younger and out at a store with my parents, I could ask an employee a question. At school, I could talk to a teacher or another employee I didn't know. Once I could drive, I had more places I could go. Those ordinary settings gave me a reason to speak. Ask where something was. Hear the answer. Say something back. Approaching and talking were both parts of the practice. Why a stranger could feel easier to me Somebody who knew me could bring up all my memories of stuttering in front of them. I could feel as if they expected it. A new person hadn't heard my speech before, and that felt like a fresh start. That was my experience. It is one reason I chose strangers for much of my practice. Another caller described the opposite starting point A caller told me he was comfortable with his co-workers and familiar places. Outside that bubble, with somebody new or a new topic, his stuttering came in strongly and he backed away. He said his difficulty was with complete strangers. He wanted to begin going out after work and talking with people. That was the challenge he identified for himself. His description matters alongside mine. Knowing somebody could be comfortable for him. My familiar-person experience could include anticipating their judgment. I wanted to hear what the actual situation felt like to the person speaking with me. A bad interaction could be one to leave My embroidery-store story is the clearest example. The man had heard me struggle with my name, then called over his buddy and asked me to say it again. I felt something was wrong and stayed anyway. I wished I had left. That experience helped shape what I said about choosing an interaction. Going out to practice didn't mean I had to remain with that person. A practice outing could be changed When I discussed going out with Don, I wanted us to find good environments and move between places. I said we could read the room and leave because it wasn't a work obligation. I wanted him to see the situations, watch how I approached and tell me how he felt. The place and the person were part of the work, not just a backdrop. So when I say to begin with somebody gentle, I mean an actual person and an actual opportunity to speak. I wanted a place where I could start, still stutter, learn from the exchange and have another chance to practice. The conversation can be about the ordinary thing in front of you When Don and I were discussing his relationship, I told him he could keep approaching strangers to practice without flirting. Ask real questions. In a shop, the question could be, “How much is this?” The person works there and can answer it. I told him, “but you still gotta speak to her.” That was the chance to work on confidence and fluency I was talking about: an ordinary question in an ordinary setting. Related answers Who would I practice with, and what would we work on? In this answer 01 The opportunities I used early on 02 Why a stranger could feel easier to me 03 Another caller described the opposite starting point 04 A bad interaction could be one to leave 05 A practice outing could be changed 06 The conversation can be about the ordinary thing in front of you THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.One night I was walking into a bar and restaurant to meet a friend upstairs. There was a rooftop on the third floor. I was going to see my friend when I passed a table of sixteen women celebrating a birthday.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print One night I was walking into a bar and restaurant to meet a friend upstairs. There was a rooftop on the third floor. I was going to see my friend when I passed a table of sixteen women celebrating a birthday. I was already walking in with confidence. I hadn't planned for that table. In stride, I asked, “Whose birthday are we celebrating?” They laughed. I said something about how pretty they looked, wished them a great night and went upstairs to my friend. The opening appeared while I was doing something else The thing I wanted to explain was that the opportunity was unexpected. I had been thinking about going upstairs. Then they were there, and I said something. I didn't stop and wait around working out the words. It was spontaneous. That is the part of the story I was pointing to when I talked about hesitation. I had spent a lot of time going out to practice. By the time of this story, I was bringing confidence with me. The short exchange came while I was already out living my life. A moment to finish a point In a different group conversation, I said, “Can you give me two seconds and then I'll stop talking?” Then I went back to the person I was speaking with and finished the point. That is another actual exchange I've shared. My heart was still racing When I described that table of sixteen in my dictated notes, I also said I felt my heart racing. Yeah, you damn well bet I felt it. I had learned to keep doing it even when I felt some nervousness. “Feel the fear and just fucking do it” was how I put it. There was practice behind that choice. The confidence in the story came with that feeling too. Related answers What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? In this answer 01 The opening appeared while I was doing something else 02 A moment to finish a point 03 My heart was still racing THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 21: I will go first. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I needed pizza dough. That gave me a reason to ask somebody where it was. An ordinary errand can contain that much of an opening.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I needed pizza dough. That gave me a reason to ask somebody where it was. An ordinary errand can contain that much of an opening. In the short grocery recording, I greeted the person and said I was trying to find fresh dough to make a pizza. I asked whether it was in the bakery. Then I followed up about sauce and cheese and said thank you. I explained afterward that this was an example of the daily talking I had practiced. I needed something. I asked. The exchange could be short and still give me a chance to use my voice. What did I actually have to do? I had to approach a person, ask where the item was and respond as the errand developed. Those were the ordinary things that had once felt so difficult to me. The questions were about what I was actually shopping for. I asked about the dough, then sauce and cheese, and thanked the person. The example I gave using Target I also described an imagined trip to Target. You ask an employee where something is. They tell you it is in the back corner. You can thank them and go get it. Or you might say something about how far they must walk during a shift: “I bet you walk like two miles here.” In the example, I imagine that they might laugh and agree that it feels like they walk forever. Then there is another choice. You can keep talking or go get the item. The imagined answer was part of my illustration. I used it to explain how interest in a response could turn a practical question into a little conversation. A conversation while waiting for food In a group call, I told a story about going into Tropical Smoothie to collect food I had ordered on my phone. It seemed slow. A woman and her child were waiting too. I asked how long she had been waiting for her food. We went back and forth for about four minutes, until her order was ready. That was my recollection of the encounter. The wait gave us something in common. I had a question about something happening right there. I didn't need to invent a long introduction about myself. The next part comes from the answer The same idea shows up in the cookies conversation. I asked a man about the food he was looking at, and he told me he couldn't eat it because he was diabetic. I had to respond to his answer, not the one I might have imagined. That is the follow-up work I practiced: hear the person, get interested and see what comes next. Sometimes there is more to say. Sometimes the errand is complete, and a thank-you is enough. A grocery store or another ordinary place gave me chances to work on those things. I didn't have to make every conversation into a major event. I wanted to be able to do the everyday speaking my life required and learn from doing it. Related answers How do I start a conversation when I stutter? What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? In this answer 01 What did I actually have to do? 02 The example I gave using Target 03 A conversation while waiting for food 04 The next part comes from the answer THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book READ THESE TOGETHER Starting a conversation Related answers from the collection. How do I start a conversation when I stutter? How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What do I say after the other person answers? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? How did I practice talking in a crowd? How can an ordinary errand give me a reason to speak? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.No. “Cure is a bullshit word.” That’s how I put it in one of my conversations. I beat my stutter. I’m fluent. But I still work on myself. I work to have high confidence in my speech.Home Find your question Understanding my experience Understanding my experience Do I mean a cure when I say I beat my stutter? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print No. “Cure is a bullshit word.” That’s how I put it in one of my conversations. I beat my stutter. I’m fluent. But I still work on myself. I work to have high confidence in my speech. I want to be very smooth. There are times when I’m super smooth and times when I’m human and it’s just an okay day. I have a lot of good days. I care about taking that speech into the real world. I have to bring it into the next conversation The fluency I bring on a Tuesday still has to be brought again on a Thursday. Having a good conversation once doesn’t speak for me the next time. It’s a new conversation with a new person on a new day. You’ve got to produce then and there. That’s why I say fluency is won. Each day you win it again the next fucking day. That is what I mean by the work continuing. I still want confidence when I make a call, go out, stand in front of people, or deal with something I wasn’t expecting. There was a lot of practice behind it I failed a lot of times. I could be trying to speak spontaneously, somebody would say something, and I wasn’t quick enough or I blocked. There was a lot of practice involved in figuring out how this worked for me. I spent years applying what I was learning. Going out on dates. Applying for jobs. Doing it at work. Standing up in front of colleagues. Calling people. Those were chances to test what worked and what did not. There is room for optimism. There is room for change. I’ve said that too. I can’t promise the results, but I can tell you that I was very determined. That is the experience I’m sharing. Related answers What does fluency mean to me? Do I ever stutter now? What do I mean when I say I have to bring it again? In this answer 01 I have to bring it into the next conversation 02 There was a lot of practice behind it THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.There were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. My name was the big one.Home Find your question Understanding my experience Understanding my experience What did a stuttering block feel like for me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print There were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. My name was the big one. Then I'd push. I'd try to force it. I wanted the moment over. I wanted to be able to say the damn word. I've talked a lot about how that felt afterward. Embarrassed. Small. Then I'd replay it. I could be out of the situation and still be thinking about what had happened. That part of it stayed with me. Is that the same as a pause in a conversation? No. I've made that distinction when talking about conversation. Sometimes the other person is quiet. Sometimes there's a natural pause. I used to feel that I had to fill every gap because I was insecure. I learned that I could let some of that silence be there. When I described that, I specifically said I wasn't talking about silence from a stuttering block. I was talking about an ordinary pause between people. Those were different experiences for me. In one, I was struggling with something I wanted to say. In the other, I was putting pressure on myself to keep the conversation going every second. What did the word moderate mean to me? Speech therapists officially classified my stutter as moderate. It was anything but moderate to me. What was I trying to change? I wanted to have a conversation without spending the rest of the day beating myself up about a word. That's why you'll hear me talk about the moment before speaking, the actual exchange, and what I said to myself afterward. I had a lot going on around that difficult word. I was trying to work on that whole experience. My name, an ordinary order, a conversation with somebody who intimidated me: those were the situations I was trying to get better at. They mattered because they were my life. My rule about pushing through a block I have been firm about this: never push through a block. In my recording about it, I said: This philosophy to never push through a block, it's firm and concrete. I was thinking about more than getting that one word out. I knew how I felt after forcing a block, and how I could keep replaying it afterward. I wanted to carry my speech into the next conversation too. Don't sacrifice the fluency for the rest of the day. Don't take away your chance to have good speech in the next conversation or later on that day by pushing through a block. That quotation records how firmly I spoke about it. I want to make the scope clear now: forcing a block could leave me upset and replaying it, sometimes for the rest of the day. It does not follow that a block makes later good speech impossible for you. Getting your message across still matters, including when it takes a block to say it. My preference for substitution applies when another word keeps the meaning accurate. What I said I would rather do See, I would rather word substitute and say a different word, a word that I can maybe say without blocking instead of blocking on a word and forcing it out. That is behind my preference for another word. I want to express myself and get my thought out. In that explanation, I was clear about the choice I preferred. I've stated an exception: a true emergency when I had to tell authorities something. I've also said that some situations require my real name, and that I may have to say a particular word for a doctor. A name used to call out a coffee order is a choice I have discussed separately. Related answers What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? In this answer 01 Is that the same as a pause in a conversation? 02 What did the word moderate mean to me? 03 What was I trying to change? 04 My rule about pushing through a block 05 What I said I would rather do THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 17: Never push through a block. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.My speech wasn't the same in every situation. That was one of the things I kept trying to figure out.Home Find your question Understanding my experience Understanding my experience How did my speech change from one situation to another? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print My speech wasn't the same in every situation. That was one of the things I kept trying to figure out. When I was starting to talk to strangers, I noticed something small. If somebody approached me, I felt intimidated. If I approached them, I felt slightly less intimidated. I was still stuttering. But slightly better was something I could notice and work with. I started having one conversation a day. At first, I hadn't worked out a whole plan. Later it became intentional. I was practicing. The setting mattered to me College gave me some hard experiences. Living in a fraternity house was constant noise, constant stuff happening. My speech got bad enough that I went back to speech therapy on campus. Later, studying abroad gave me a different experience. I was putting a lot of effort into learning another language, and when I spoke English to friends back home, I noticed that my speech was better. I've also said that the improvement didn't carry over long term. It was a temporary breakthrough. I came home trying to understand what had happened and how to get more of that freedom in ordinary life. A good opening did not tell the whole story In college, I got an invitation for ice cream out fluently, then struggled to say my hometown, major and fraternity in the conversation. I was gaining confidence and still learning how to maintain my speech. That afternoon is one of the examples I describe. How I felt going in was part of it I talk about feeling Two Inches Tall or Ten Feet Tall because that's how different a situation could feel to me. I could walk in feeling small and intimidated, already expecting a bad time. I wanted to learn how to bring some confidence with me. Music was one thing I used. Remembering a small speaking success was another. Before a harder interaction, I might have a few smaller conversations to get myself going. None of that meant every attempt went well. I've described the times I blocked, the times I wasn't quick enough to respond, and the work it took to figure things out. I also learned that good speech in one moment didn't automatically mean good speech for the rest of the day. I cared about being able to move from one conversation to another. That's the variation I can speak about from my own life: different people, different settings, how I felt going in, and what happened when I tried. I kept looking for something I could use beyond one good moment. What did I say when someone asked about good days and bad days? Someone told me about a day when his speech felt great and asked why other days could be so different. I said my guess was that he had felt more confident, wasn't thinking about his stutter, or had gone into the day with better feelings. He said it seemed more random to him. I thought there had to be something to it, and I kept asking about the kinds of days when it happened. He couldn't identify what had changed; he said speaking had just felt easier. I was talking through my belief about the feeling, the confidence, and what he anticipated. I kept calling it my guess. He eventually said, “I guess you're right.” That was the conversation we had about his experience. What Don said about being tired Don also challenged the idea that tiredness meant his speech had to be bad. In the call about getting ready to speak, he told me tiredness didn't help, but said he believed his speech could still be fluent when he was tired. Don: So I know it's, I mean, I know it doesn't help, but I know my speech can still be fluent with me still being tired. Craig: Yes. But the thing, well, so look, maybe your speech can be good with the sleeping habits, which is fine, but you can't have good confidence speech while you feel tired. And that's a great point. A participant described feeling better again later in the day Another participant, using the name “dog,” described a whole day. He arrived at work upbeat, spoke in the kitchen and with his manager, and then something went badly around lunchtime. Later, he might have a workout and feel better again. I thanked him for sharing that example. He had described the way momentum felt in his own life. I told him I wanted people to push back and discuss these things with me. Related answers What happened to my speech when I went to college? Did I still feel nervous when I spoke? In this answer 01 The setting mattered to me 02 A good opening did not tell the whole story 03 How I felt going in was part of it 04 What did I say when someone asked about good days and bad days? 05 What Don said about being tired 06 A participant described feeling better again later in the day THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 5: Spain. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I practiced talking with people while I was still stuttering. Approaching someone, asking a question, hearing the reply and saying something back. I also worked on how I felt beforehand and what I said to myself afterward.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice What speaking practice did I actually do? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I practiced talking with people while I was still stuttering. Approaching someone, asking a question, hearing the reply and saying something back. I also worked on how I felt beforehand and what I said to myself afterward. Those parts belong together in my story. The idea could be simple to hear. Actually doing it while I felt nervous took a lot of practice. One grocery visit shows the work together At the start of the grocery-store video, I explained what I did before going out. I read something I liked out loud, trying to find a little confidence in my voice. I remembered a time my speech had been a little better. I played music that helped change how I felt. Then I walked into the store. A man was looking at cookies. I commented that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?” He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained what had happened in the exchange. The preparation didn't write his answer for me. It was how I tried to put myself in a better position before approaching. Once we were talking, I had to hear what he said and respond to that. The exchange was short. I had found something we could both see, said something about it and had a conversation. That is the kind of practice I wanted the recording to show. How I began doing it daily I started by noticing that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than being approached. I was about 14. At a store with my parents, I could ask an employee something. At school, I could talk to somebody I didn't know. I challenged myself to talk with one new person a day. If I missed a day, I said I would make it up by doing two the next day. The Once-a-Day Challenge explains that commitment and the opportunities I used. I had to learn the other person's turn too For a long time, I barely heard the other person because I was planning my own response. What word would come next? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wanted to learn to be present for what they were saying. Their response could give me the next thing to ask about. That was hard to do while I was used to trying to control the whole conversation in advance. There were many times I blocked or wasn't quick enough. I kept practicing listening and responding, not just finding a first line. I used smaller interactions before a harder place At the busy market, I explained that I had already talked to people on the walk from where I parked. Then, inside, I could notice a missed trash can, make a football comment or say a quiet hello. I was learning how to find individual conversations inside a crowd. Returning to a stall where I had met somebody gave another exchange some history. I could ask about the person and what was happening that day. A work call had its own opening With Don, the setting turned out to be virtual meetings. I suggested joining early enough to speak before the main work began, asking a casual question and using personal details from previous conversations. That was the same kind of interest in another person, applied to an actual work situation. We talked about the moment the client arrived, what Don could ask and why I wanted him using his voice early. Afterward, I worked on what stayed in my head I was good at replaying my worst speaking moments. In the self-talk explanation, I asked people to find a time their speech had been a little better and remember what they said to themselves afterward. Maybe the first thought was, why can't I do that all the time? But was there also a quiet recognition that something had gone well? I wanted that small experience available too. My early neutral phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” It was a way to interrupt the attack on myself while I kept working on my speech. The practice changed as I learned I took ideas into different settings and refined them. Some preparation that had taken longer became shorter. Some of the talking became habitual. I later described talking with clerks, the person bagging groceries and people I met while traveling. I still wanted the next conversation to go well. But I wasn't doing every part of my early preparation with the same effort before every ordinary exchange forever. That is the fuller picture: preparation, an actual attempt, listening, responding and the thoughts I carried afterward. The particular grocery visit shows some of those pieces together. The other accounts show how I kept working with them in different parts of my life. Related answers Did breathing exercises get me to where I am? In this answer 01 One grocery visit shows the work together 02 How I began doing it daily 03 I had to learn the other person's turn too 04 I used smaller interactions before a harder place 05 A work call had its own opening 06 Afterward, I worked on what stayed in my head 07 The practice changed as I learned THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Practicing your speech Related answers from the collection. What speaking practice did I actually do? YOU ARE HERE What is my Once-a-Day Challenge? What did reading aloud do for my speaking practice? How did I practice while I was still stuttering? What have I said about the days when I want to back down? Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? Next answer Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 6: The jungle. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.There was a lot people didn't hear. The stutter was only part of what I was living with. They didn't hear the decisions I made before I ever opened my mouth.Home Find your question Self-talk & everyday life Self-talk & everyday life How did I hide how hard speaking was for me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print There was a lot people didn't hear. The stutter was only part of what I was living with. They didn't hear the decisions I made before I ever opened my mouth. What had I already decided not to say? In a restaurant, I could order what I could say instead of what I wanted. Before going out, I could be thinking about whether I would ask somebody out, where we would go, and what I would have to say. My speech got into all of those choices. Work was part of it too. I took jobs where I wouldn't have to speak as much. There were chances I didn't take because I was scared of speaking. The choice could happen before I reached the counter When I needed to pay inside a gas station, I would park at a pump with a number I could say more easily. Standing in line and asking for twenty dollars on a pump felt like public speaking to me. I dreaded it. I also described arranging for a friend to introduce me so I could avoid saying my own name. Sometimes that worked. I grew tired of trying to manage those introductions, and I have described what that did to my self-esteem. The worry could start before I met the next person. What happened while someone else talked? Sometimes it barely felt like a conversation. It felt like a one-way monologue with a few words from me. I was so focused on what my response would be that I wasn't really hearing the other person. What words would I have to say? Which ones could I get around? That was the conversation in my head while they were still talking. Learning to listen meant working on that part of the experience too. What stayed inside afterward? I remember standing with friends and wanting to make a joke, then hearing someone else say it thirty seconds later. I couldn't, or wouldn't dare, say it myself. That is part of the loneliness I have described. I could take the pain home and still have it in my head at bedtime. My parents and my sister didn't know how much I was going through. I have also explained the word choices I made deliberately while working on my fluency, including word substitution and an easier name for an optional order. Those are choices I want to explain in their actual situations. Someone else's account of hiding it In a call, someone told me he had once been able to hide his stutter by avoiding a few difficult words. He said that, over time, hiding it made him more anxious and his speech got worse. I told him I respected what he was saying. That account and my response are included with my explanation of word substitution. Related answers What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering? In this answer 01 What had I already decided not to say? 02 The choice could happen before I reached the counter 03 What happened while someone else talked? 04 What stayed inside afterward? 05 Someone else's account of hiding it THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Yes. I was still scared when I put up my hand in the yoga class and said, “I will go first.”Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak Did I still feel nervous when I spoke? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print Yes. I was still scared when I put up my hand in the yoga class and said, “I will go first.” I was there with a friend I liked. There were about thirty people, and we were going around introducing ourselves and telling an embarrassing story. My heart dropped when I heard what we were going to do. I thought about finding a way out. But in that moment, I chose to volunteer. I told the story, and I said afterward that I was still scared. I preferred going first to sitting there counting how many people were left before my turn. I also felt it in the birthday-table story In the raw account of approaching the table of sixteen women, I say my heart was racing. I had learned to keep speaking with some nervousness there. I also described how practice hadn't felt easier immediately. I recalled a period of roughly six months or a year when it still felt hard. That is my approximate recollection, not a timetable I can give someone else. My phrase was to feel the fear and do it. I had spent a lot of time avoiding the situations that made me nervous, and learning to approach was difficult. The work presentations included nerves too There were seven town-hall panels over two days, with four days to prepare. I worked hard. I said I did well, and I said I was very nervous. In the short gaps, I often went to the bathroom and played my pump-up music. I was using something I knew while there were still more sessions ahead of me. The town-hall account keeps that detail in the story. What was I doing before I spoke? I worked on how I arrived. Music could change how I felt on the way there. Recalling a small better speaking experience gave me something besides the humiliating memories to think about. Smaller conversations helped me get going. At the market, I had already spoken with people before entering the busy part. I wanted to give myself a better starting point. I was specific about the role of music: it didn't fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was part of what I did to feel a little less intimidated. That was different from where I began Early on, I only noticed that approaching a stranger felt slightly better than being approached. Slightly. I was still stuttering. I took that small difference and practiced with it. There were failed attempts. I blocked or wasn't quick enough. I kept trying to learn how to be in a real conversation while I felt the nerves. Those details belong beside the speech you hear from me now. I did not begin with the confidence you sometimes see in a recording. I learned through particular situations, including ones where the fear was still present. Related answers How did music help me before I went out to speak? In this answer 01 I also felt it in the birthday-table story 02 The work presentations included nerves too 03 What was I doing before I spoke? 04 That was different from where I began THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.When somebody asks what techniques I used, they're often asking about how I said a word, breathing, or things in that world. That was the world I knew from speech therapy. It wasn't how I found the fluency I was looking for.Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way Did breathing exercises get me to where I am? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print When somebody asks what techniques I used, they're often asking about how I said a word, breathing, or things in that world. That was the world I knew from speech therapy. It wasn't how I found the fluency I was looking for. For me, there was a lot of work with my thoughts and a lot of practice in actual conversations. Starting one. Listening. Responding. Learning to be around people and use my voice. But there's something else in my recordings that matters here. In a group conversation, somebody described a breathing exercise that had helped them. I asked them to explain it again. I wanted to hear what they were doing and why. How did I think about that suggestion? I said, here's how I would have used this when I was stuttering. Before I had to speak, I would have stepped away for a moment and used it to help me feel taller. That was the way I talked about it: preparation for how I felt going into a situation. In that same conversation, I said it wasn't how to fix a stutter. The other person also talked about pausing and breathing before talking. I said that wasn't my thing. I liked spontaneity and momentum. But I thanked them for sharing what had helped them. My experience is the one I can explain I've said that there are a lot of ways people work on their speech. I'm showing my way. I happen to like my way because of what it did for my own life. I can explain the tools I practiced, the attempts that went badly, and what I kept doing. When someone brings a different experience into the conversation, I want to understand what they mean. In that exchange, I heard something I thought could be useful before speaking, even though it wasn't the route I had taken myself. The sequence Crimson described Crimson explained the sequence he used: inhale through the nose for about four seconds, hold for about two, and exhale through the mouth for about six. He wanted the exhale to be longer. He said it helped him, and also said he still had difficult days and still stuttered at work. Craig: Like, so here's how I would have used this when I was stuttering. Related answers How did music help me before I went out to speak? What is the approach I am sharing? In this answer 01 How did I think about that suggestion? 02 My experience is the one I can explain 03 The sequence Crimson described THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I would want someone who could explain what they did. I met three people who told me they used to stutter and sounded good when I spoke with them. My first question was what had changed. How had they got there?Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I would want someone who could explain what they did. I met three people who told me they used to stutter and sounded good when I spoke with them. My first question was what had changed. How had they got there? They couldn't explain it clearly enough to help me. It felt like they had made it through a jungle but couldn't point me in a direction. I wanted something I could understand and try. That experience is behind the way I think about someone teaching me to speak. Show me the work behind the result I spent years reading and trying things on dates, at work, on calls and in front of colleagues. That is why I wanted more than somebody saying they had beaten a stutter. What did they do before the conversation? What did they think about? What happened when the other person said something unexpected? What did they change when an attempt went badly? Those are the parts I try to show when I explain my own experience. What I wanted Don to see When I discussed an outing with Don, I wanted him to watch me approach people and hear me explain it afterward. Why did I say that? What did I notice? What happened in the exchange? He could try too, and we could talk about the attempt. I said the time before approaching and the time afterward could be particularly valuable. It doesn't take long to hear an idea; practicing it in a situation takes more work. That is the kind of practical explanation I wanted somebody to give me. The proposed outing described how I wanted to teach it, not a completed set of results. I did look at other people teaching this In a group conversation, I described looking into nonprofessional people who taught stuttering help because I was thinking about sharing material myself. I expressed a preference for that kind of lived experience and said some of the people appeared to be helping others. I also said I wasn't sure how well some of them spoke or what their methods were. That uncertainty is part of the account. Looking at a list did not mean I had completed a detailed evaluation of each person. What I was describing was my interest in people who could explain their experience and show what they did. I also acknowledged what I did not know about their speech and their methods. I want to know whether the explanation makes sense When I shared my writing with Don, I especially wanted him to point out what needed clarification: where he didn't get what I meant. That is useful feedback. In the enthusiasm exercise, I could point to an actual phrase he had said and explain what I heard in the delivery. He could try again and tell me what felt different. There was something specific for both of us to discuss. That is the main criterion I can explain from my own search: I wanted someone who could take me past hearing good speech and into understanding the work that led to it. This article describes that preference. It does not establish a complete evaluation of every coach or professional a reader might consider. Related answers What should you look for in my speaking videos? Why did I keep looking after my own speech therapy? What is the approach I am sharing? In this answer 01 Show me the work behind the result 02 What I wanted Don to see 03 I did look at other people teaching this 04 I want to know whether the explanation makes sense THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.When Gloria asked about job interviews, I asked when the interview was and what kind of job it involved. I wanted to understand the situation before talking about how I would prepare for it.Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print When Gloria asked about job interviews, I asked when the interview was and what kind of job it involved. I wanted to understand the situation before talking about how I would prepare for it. The part I discussed was an Intentional Dream. I knew the pattern of imagining the worst beforehand: blocks, the first name I might not get out, the questions I feared. I wanted to explain how I worked with a different picture. What did I ask her to imagine? I described the interview as if it were going well. Sitting with someone, talking, reaching the end and shaking hands. In the scene, the interviewer was impressed and excited. Those were parts of an imagined picture. I was asking what the situation would look and feel like if it went the way she wanted. I was not recounting something an employer had actually said to her. The feeling was the part I wanted to bring into it In my own explanation, introducing myself to doctors was a difficult situation. I pictured walking into the room and shaking a person's hand. I brought in the feeling from a happy memory of meeting a sports hero. I knew how that excitement felt. I wanted that feeling inside the scene of introducing myself, where I would normally have imagined panic and difficulty. The full Intentional Dream explanation contains the other examples I used to show that connection between a memory, a feeling and the speaking situation. Why did I ask to continue face to face? I said the explanation would work better when I could talk with her on camera. I wanted to see her face and make sure she understood the picture I was describing. I wanted to talk it through with her and see whether the picture made sense to her. That was why I asked to continue the explanation on camera. What about knowing what I want to talk about? In my ordinary-conversation material, I have said that I can know the topic and write down a few ideas without deciding every word in advance. In work calls, I also remember real details about the person so I have something to ask about. Those are examples of preparation I can actually use. I still have to listen to the question and respond to the person when the conversation happens. I failed many times while learning to do that. Sometimes I blocked, or someone said something I wasn't quick enough to answer. The work went beyond imagining a good scene. What this particular conversation gives us It gives the question Gloria asked, my request for the circumstances, the interview picture I described and my reason for wanting a fuller discussion on camera. For that interview, I wanted her to picture the introduction, the conversation and how she would feel as it ended. Then I wanted to hear how she understood the picture. That was the work I was proposing. Related answers How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? Did I still feel nervous when I spoke? In this answer 01 What did I ask her to imagine? 02 The feeling was the part I wanted to bring into it 03 Why did I ask to continue face to face? 04 What about knowing what I want to talk about? 05 What this particular conversation gives us THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Phone calls & work Related answers from the collection. How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? What do I write down before another client conversation? How did I handle seven work presentations over two days? Why could a work call feel harder when other people could hear me? What did I tell someone who was worried about a job interview? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 12: The intentional dream. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.For me, saying my name to somebody with authority was a real challenge. So when I worked with an Intentional Dream, I made it specific. I saw myself introducing myself to doctors, because that was something I actually needed to do for work.Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What does a specific speaking goal look like to me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print For me, saying my name to somebody with authority was a real challenge. So when I worked with an Intentional Dream, I made it specific. I saw myself introducing myself to doctors, because that was something I actually needed to do for work. It was a person. A setting. Something I wanted to say. And I paid attention to how I wanted to feel while I did it. That's more concrete than just telling myself that one day everything would be better. What do I ask when the goal is vague? Someone told me they wanted to be more assertive. I asked where they wanted that to happen. At a restaurant? At a bar? With a particular person? They chose relationships with family and friends, and we started with a family member. Then I asked where they would be. In a house, outside, at a restaurant or a park? They chose a family gathering. I asked whether there would be a lot of people around or just one or two. They said one or two. Now we had a scene. I described responding to something the family member said, being assertive, standing a little taller and sounding a little louder. I wanted the person to imagine how confident they would feel doing it. Those were details we put into the picture together. In my own picture, the introduction mattered because it was something I feared. I could see myself shaking the person's hand. I brought in the feeling of a happy memory, something I could actually remember feeling. That's how I explained my preparation. I wasn't just repeating the name of the problem. What did I ask about the life beyond speaking? In my notes, I asked, “If you didn’t stutter, what would you do with your life?” Your personal life. Your professional life. Recreation and hobbies. Those were the parts of life I wanted you to think about. I also ask about a small success that has already happened In my self-talk video, I ask you to think of a time your speech went better than expected. I use examples such as saying your phone number, your address or your name. Those are prompts to help you find a moment from your own life. Then I ask what you said to yourself. Was there a quiet “Man, I nailed that” alongside the thought that you wished it could happen all the time? Find something small you can be excited about. Remember what you said to yourself when it was over. That is the actual speaking experience I am asking you to bring back into your mind. Related answers What does fluency mean to me? What do I write down before another client conversation? In this answer 01 What do I ask when the goal is vague? 02 What did I ask about the life beyond speaking? 03 I also ask about a small success that has already happened THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I want to know what part is helping. In one conversation, the person I was speaking with was taking another course. I asked, “What’s the most effective thing that you’ve learned or that he shares?”Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What do I ask when someone tells me about another stuttering course? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I want to know what part is helping. In one conversation, the person I was speaking with was taking another course. I asked, “What’s the most effective thing that you’ve learned or that he shares?” Don said articulation was the biggest thing for him. He described mumbling and not pronouncing words clearly. He was working on varying the pitch of his voice as he spoke. I asked whether that helped, and whether it helped at work. He said he sometimes practiced it there and felt his speech got better when he articulated. He wanted to practice more. Those were his answers in that conversation. I’ve said that something helping is a good thing “If it works, that’s great.” That was my response in that conversation. In another explanation, I said that if some of what you’ve learned helps you and you feel good about it, I’m all for doing what is working for you. I’m showing my way. I happen to like my way. But I have also said there are a lot of ways people work on their speech. The real setting matters I spent years taking ideas into the real world. I tried them on dates, at work, when I was applying for jobs, standing in front of people, and making calls. I wanted to know what worked and what didn’t. That is why I ask about work. A person can tell me what they learned, and I can ask whether it is helping where they actually have to speak. When a work meeting is the hard part, I ask what makes it hard. What is going through your head while the meeting continues? In one conversation, finding out that the meetings were on Teams changed the suggestion I gave. I want the conversation to get that specific. The useful part is hearing what you are doing, where you are trying it, and what you say is helping. Related answers How did I turn things I read into something I could use when speaking? Why did I have to practice in real conversations? What do I try to do before a work meeting starts? In this answer 01 I’ve said that something helping is a good thing 02 The real setting matters THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.The book is free. Daily Cup of Craig Coffee is free. And these answers are here for you to read.Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What can you get from me for free? By Craig Coffee 2 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print The book is free. Daily Cup of Craig Coffee is free. And these answers are here for you to read. I'm sharing the kind of material I would have wanted when I was struggling. I would have loved somebody to explain what they actually did, what they thought about before speaking, and what happened when they went out into the world and tried it. Start with the question that brought you here Maybe it's saying your name. Maybe it's a phone call, a conversation with a stranger, or what you tell yourself after a hard day. I've talked about those things because I lived them. I can show you the practice I did, the way I thought about it, and the things I had to learn along the way. I've also talked about the attempts that didn't go well. The question index helps you find the subject you want. The book gives you the longer account. The daily email is a conversation Daily Cup of Craig Coffee is my daily email from me to you. I share encouragement while you work on your speech, things I've learned, and a bit of my life outside all this. You can write me back. I want to hear what makes sense and what needs a better explanation. When I've shared my writing, I've asked for that kind of feedback: tell me what you like, and tell me what you don't get. That's why I'm putting this out there. I want to explain the work I would have wanted somebody to explain to me. Related answers How did I start working on my stuttering? In this answer 01 Start with the question that brought you here 02 The daily email is a conversation THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.“Can you give me two seconds and then I'll stop talking?” I used those words in a group conversation when I wanted a moment to finish my point.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders What did I say when I wanted a moment to finish? By Craig Coffee 1 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print “Can you give me two seconds and then I'll stop talking?” I used those words in a group conversation when I wanted a moment to finish my point. I said thanks, then went back to the person I had been speaking to. I was explaining why I regarded getting their point across as a win. I finished that thought and said I would stop talking. What did I say after asking for that moment? I came back to the point I wanted them to hear: “you got your point across.” Then I explained how I had given the good speaking experiences more room in my own thoughts. That is an actual moment from one of my conversations. I asked the group for a little time, returned to the point, and brought my turn to an end. Related answers What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group? Do I have to fill every silence in a conversation? What counts as a small speaking success? In this answer 01 What did I say after asking for that moment? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I'm promising to show and explain what I did in the real world. What I noticed, how I started talking, what happened next and what I learned while working on my speech.Home Find your question Finding your way Finding your way What am I promising when I share my stuttering story? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I'm promising to show and explain what I did in the real world. What I noticed, how I started talking, what happened next and what I learned while working on my speech. That is the kind of help I wanted when I was struggling. I wanted someone to make the work visible. Why the explanation matters to me I met people who told me they used to stutter. They sounded great, and I wanted to know what had happened. They couldn't explain it in a way I could use. That was frustrating. I felt they had got through something I was still stuck in, but couldn't show me a direction. I had to keep looking and trying to find my own way. What you can actually examine In the grocery recording, I explain what I did beforehand, see someone looking at cookies, ask about him and respond when he says he cannot eat them. In the market walk, I point out a missed trash can, start a football conversation and ask about somebody I have met before. Those are particular speaking situations. The useful question is what I did inside them. Why did I start there? What did the other person's answer give me? When did I keep talking, and when did the exchange end? The work included failure I spent years studying ideas and taking them into classrooms, dates, work calls and other situations. I blocked. I wasn't quick enough. An idea didn't always do what I hoped it would do. I've also said plainly that I am one person describing what worked for me, and that I don't know whether another person's experience will be the same. People stutter differently and have different experiences. That is part of the account I want to give alongside my confidence in what changed my own life. How I wanted someone to learn beside me When Don and I discussed practicing together, I wanted him to watch an approach, hear me explain it and then try something himself. The time before and after the encounter could be valuable because we would have a specific situation to talk about. That was a proposed outing. It describes the kind of teaching I wanted to do, not evidence that the visit happened or that it produced a particular result. Tell me where the explanation is missing When I shared my writing, I asked for more than what somebody liked. I especially wanted to know where they needed clarification, where they were thinking they didn't really get it. That gives me a more useful question to answer. It points to the part of the explanation that needs work. I am putting out the material I would have wanted: the ordinary encounters, the mistakes, the things I tried and the way I understood them. The demonstrations and the practice account let you look at those details for yourself. Related answers What should you look for in my speaking videos? How long did it take me to get the speech I wanted? Do I ever stutter now? In this answer 01 Why the explanation matters to me 02 What you can actually examine 03 The work included failure 04 How I wanted someone to learn beside me 05 Tell me where the explanation is missing THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I want to know what's actually happening. What's the hardest part? What goes through your head? Who are you talking to, and where does the conversation take place?Home Find your question Work, school & relationships Work, school & relationships What do I ask before giving somebody speaking advice? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I want to know what's actually happening. What's the hardest part? What goes through your head? Who are you talking to, and where does the conversation take place? Those details can change what I have to say. In one work conversation, I started talking about walking into a room and using your voice before sitting down. Then I learned that the meetings were virtual. They were on Teams. So the suggestion changed: look for an opening by joining the call early. The setting mattered. I couldn't just keep describing a room when that wasn't where the conversation happened. Do they want to talk or type? In one of my group calls, I asked, “do you want to talk or do you want to type?” I said I could go and come back. It was an actual choice I offered in the conversation. Ask what the person means In that same call, someone described something like a writer's block. I asked for a specific example, what was in their mind, and what was happening before it. I wanted to understand what they meant by that block. I ask because those details help me understand the problem in front of me. I've also asked someone whether there was anything they remembered about when their stuttering began, and said it was okay if they didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be respectful first. When the answer changes the question In one conversation, I asked whether someone was putting off a decision because of his speech. He said no. It was about the commitment and the what-ifs. I replied, “That, I got no advice on, dude.” What did I do after cutting someone off? In another call, someone was explaining his fear of telephone conversations. I asked how his fluency was on the phone now, started talking, then said, “I'm sorry that I cut you off.” I apologized and returned to the question. He said his phone speech was much better than before. He described thinking less about the words he expected to stutter on and sometimes speaking in a slower tone. I told him I thought that was great. That was his experience, and I wanted to hear it. When the person found the connection himself In one of my other coaching conversations, we talked about fear of rejection. I asked the person whether he felt rejected when somebody skipped him on the video-chat site we were using. He said he didn't take it to heart much, because he would meet the next person and life went on. I asked why that felt different. He started to see where I was going. Then I wanted him to say it: if he was rejected, he could move on to the next person. I told him we had walked down the path together, but he had made that connection himself. That was his response during our conversation. I wanted to hear how he understood the experience he was already having. Did the person want help or just want to talk? That question came up during a disagreement in a group call. I asked, “do you want my help or do you just want to talk?” The person said he wanted to talk one on one and that he should have clarified that earlier. I said I wasn't available then. He said he would talk with other people. He also said there might be parts of his experience I couldn't relate to. I kept talking about the speaking experiences I felt we shared. The feeling did not tell me what had caused it In a call with Don, he told me he was tired after sleeping badly. I asked why. He said he hadn't been thinking about the next day's call. I asked whether what had happened was normal for him; he said it wasn't. The word “gut” needed clarification too I also had to hear what LBZ meant by his gut feeling. I initially described it as the part that felt he couldn't become fluent. He corrected that: the feeling that he could was his intuition. The feeling that he couldn't was fear. Before a blunt response Before challenging another participant's expectations about medical-school orientation, I asked if I had permission to speak freely. I said I would be respectful, but blunt. He said, “yeah yeah sure sure.” I can share my experience and hear theirs I've said directly that I can only share what worked for me. That doesn't tell me everything about somebody else's life. And when I've shared my book, I've asked for more than what the person likes. I especially want to hear where they want clarification, where they're thinking, I don't really get this. That's a useful conversation to have. The question gets more specific, and I have a better chance of explaining the part the person actually needs. Related answers How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech? What is the approach I am sharing? Why did I sometimes leave filler words alone? In this answer 01 Do they want to talk or type? 02 Ask what the person means 03 When the answer changes the question 04 What did I do after cutting someone off? 05 When the person found the connection himself 06 Did the person want help or just want to talk? 07 The feeling did not tell me what had caused it 08 The word “gut” needed clarification too 09 Before a blunt response 10 I can share my experience and hear theirs THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I would start with people who were gentle and patient while I worked on my speech. I used grandparents as an example of the kind of person I meant. I compared practice with ski slopes: begin with something less hard.Home Find your question Conversation & practice Conversation & practice Who would I practice with, and what would we work on? By Craig Coffee 4 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print I would start with people who were gentle and patient while I worked on my speech. I used grandparents as an example of the kind of person I meant. I compared practice with ski slopes: begin with something less hard. I knew what it felt like to go out and see one big world I didn't know how to enter. The first time at the market was frightening. I had to work up to what you later saw me doing there. What I wanted to do with Don In the conversation about an outing together, I wanted Don to see how I approached someone in a real place. I could explain what I was thinking before it, go and speak, then come back and talk about what I had done. Why did I say that? What did I notice? How did the other person respond? I wanted him to see the actual exchange and hear the explanation close to it. Then he could try, and we could discuss his attempt. I said the time before approaching people and the time afterward could be especially valuable. Hearing an idea is different from trying it I said it doesn't take long to learn the things I share, but practicing them in situations takes time. If something didn't go well, being there together could give me a chance to say what I saw and suggest something specific to try. That is the teaching opportunity I was describing. There would be a real encounter to talk about, not just a general instruction to feel confident. We could choose the surroundings We talked about going during the day, having breakfast and walking around places where there would be people to talk to. I wanted a variety of circumstances and opportunities to watch what happened. I also said we could read the room and leave. It wasn't a work obligation. I wanted good environments to practice in, and we could move if a place wasn't working for that purpose. The point wasn't that a place had to be perfect. It was that we had some choice about this outing and could use it. What I meant by redirecting I described a way of taking over and redirecting a conversation when I felt intimidated. I said it had been born from being scared. I also distinguished it from controlling what another person would do. I told Don that what he saw would depend on what we encountered. That was part of the outing I was proposing: talk about the situation before we approached, then discuss what happened afterward. This is what I proposed doing with Don: notice the situation, try an exchange, and talk about it together. To show the redirecting itself, I would need to walk you through an actual cue, my words, the other person's reply, and what happened next. The proposal does not establish that the outing or that demonstration took place. The camera had a separate place In another conversation, Don wanted to practice with strangers and build confidence back up. I suggested waiting to record until he had some of that confidence back. I was concerned about the thought of being recorded getting in the way while he spoke. That is a different question from watching my demonstration. I wanted him to have useful practice, not simply copy every feature of how I make videos. What the proposal tells you about my approach to practicing together I wanted observation, an attempt and an explanation around it. I wanted the actual person and setting in front of us, with a chance to choose another place when that made sense. This is the outing we discussed and what I hoped we would work on. It is not a report that the visit happened. It shows the process I wanted to share: see it, try it and talk about the particular thing that just happened. Related answers Who did I look for when I was starting to practice speaking? What should you look for in my speaking videos? Should I record myself when I practice speaking? In this answer 01 What I wanted to do with Don 02 Hearing an idea is different from trying it 03 We could choose the surroundings 04 What I meant by redirecting 05 The camera had a separate place 06 What the proposal tells you about my approach to practicing together THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 22: I should have left. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture.Home Find your question Getting started Getting started What is the approach I am sharing? By Craig Coffee 6 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture. Stuttering got into how I lived. Where I went, what I ordered, whether I approached somebody, what I thought I could do at work. I wanted the whole life to change, and I had a lot to work on. I am one person explaining what worked for me. I don't know whether someone else's experience will be the same. But I can show the situations, the work and the things I learned while doing it. I began before my speech was where I wanted it I noticed that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than having someone approach me. I still stuttered badly. Slightly better was enough to get my attention. At about 14, I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. I used opportunities at stores with my parents or around school. Once I could drive, I could find more places to do it. I was practicing approaching and talking while both were still hard. One ordinary example brings several parts together At the beginning of the grocery-store recording, I describe what I did before getting there. I read material I liked out loud, looking for some confidence in my voice. I remembered a small time when my speech had been better. I played music that changed how I felt. Then I walked into the store and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on them and said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?” He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch them. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the exchange. The cookies were in front of us. His answer was his own. I could respond to it and let the conversation end. That short encounter shows the preparation, the opening, the listening and the response in the same piece. I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head For years, somebody could be speaking while I was planning my reply. What word would I need? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wasn't really hearing what they were telling me. I wanted to learn to listen and find my words as the conversation developed. I could know the subject and have a few ideas without writing the whole exchange in advance. That felt risky. I blocked plenty of times and wasn't always quick enough. It took practice to trust myself in an unscripted conversation. I worked on the state I brought with me Music was one way. I had already used it to feel more alive when running or working out. I tried bringing that into how I felt before speaking. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was one thing that helped me arrive less intimidated. Smaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already spoken to people before entering the busy part. On work calls, I liked finding an opening early instead of waiting while the question of when I would speak grew in my head. In the enthusiasm exercise with Don, I asked him to talk about something he genuinely appreciated. Then I pointed to a particular phrase and the confidence I heard in how he said it. We had something specific to try and discuss. I also made choices around difficult words and situations My rule about blocks is strong: never push through a block. I have explained how much a forced word could affect the way I felt through the next conversation and the rest of the day. Word substitution was one alternative I favored. I wanted to be able to finish the thought and express myself. I've also said that when someone in authority requires my real name, I give it, and that there are words I have to say for a doctor. Those situations matter in how I explain the choice. I also learned that I could leave an interaction. The embroidery-store experience stayed with me because I had felt something was wrong and remained while the man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy. When I discussed optional practice with Don, I said we could read the room and move elsewhere. The actual setting and the choices available there mattered. The work continued after speaking I was quick to replay a bad moment and use it to predict the next one. I had to work on how I spoke to myself. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I needed a place to start before a big positive statement felt believable. Later, I asked people to remember a real small success and what they said to themselves afterward. I wanted that experience to have room alongside the painful memories. Kindness also included doing something enjoyable for myself. I called it dating yourself: get ice cream, go to an event, make time for something that makes you smile. I wanted a life to enjoy while I worked on my speech. I practiced with a picture of the situation too I called one practice an Intentional Dream. I had spent so long imagining a speaking situation going badly. I learned to picture it going well and bring a feeling of real happiness into the scene. My own example involved introducing myself to someone with authority. I used the remembered excitement of meeting a sports hero inside the picture of shaking the person's hand. The full explanation shows how I worked through this with other people and how much the feeling mattered to me. The amount of work changed as I learned Some preparation took more time earlier and became shorter later. I described using the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls once other conversations were easier. Some of the talking became habitual. I read, applied ideas and refined what I could use in different places. There were failures, changes and years behind the speech I later showed on camera. The life I valued also included talking more, making connections and having people with whom I could share what was happening. That is why I keep showing ordinary places. Ordering something, asking a question and having a conversation were parts of the life I wanted back. Related answers How did I start working on my stuttering? What can you get from me for free? What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak? Why did I keep looking after my own speech therapy? In this answer 01 I began before my speech was where I wanted it 02 One ordinary example brings several parts together 03 I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head 04 I worked on the state I brought with me 05 I also made choices around difficult words and situations 06 The work continued after speaking 07 I practiced with a picture of the situation too 08 The amount of work changed as I learned THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I use both words for the same speaking problem. In one conversation I said I grew up stammering, or what we call stuttering here in the States.Home Find your question Understanding my experience Understanding my experience Stuttering or stammering: what do I mean? By Craig Coffee 1 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I use both words for the same speaking problem. In one conversation I said I grew up stammering, or what we call stuttering here in the States. I was talking about my name, introducing myself, and being called on to read aloud at school. Those were some of the situations that were so hard for me. In another conversation, I said “my stammer or my stutter.” I was explaining the same part of my life: how much I wanted to speak, how I felt before an introduction, and what I kept working on. So when you hear either word in my recordings, that's what I'm talking about. I've also talked about the label I used for myself. I wanted to think of myself as a person working on his fluency. I knew I was stuttering. I just didn't want it to be the defining characteristic of who I was. I'm a person with a life, interests, things I want to do, and people I want to talk to. That's the life behind either word when I use it. Related answers How did I start working on my stuttering? THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Get the free book Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.I could start having a difficult conversation in my head long before it happened. I was going to talk to somebody at two o'clock. Here was what I would say. Here was what they would ask. Here was my answer. Then I would reach a word and think, I can't say that.Home Find your question Before you speak Before you speak What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read A− A+ Save Copy link Print I could start having a difficult conversation in my head long before it happened. I was going to talk to somebody at two o'clock. Here was what I would say. Here was what they would ask. Here was my answer. Then I would reach a word and think, I can't say that. That is the head game I describe as pre-planning to stutter. I was trying to predict the words and the problems before I was actually with the person. The same thing happened while someone else was talking I would plan my response, look for the words I thought I could get out and think about the words I would try to avoid. The other person was still speaking. A lot of my attention was already on my own next turn. In my old notes, I describe an exchange that could feel like a one-way monologue with a few words from me. I wanted to talk more, but my mind was occupied with how I would do it. Waiting for an introduction made the pattern obvious In the yoga class, we were going around the circle to introduce ourselves and tell an embarrassing story. I knew the feeling of counting how many people were left before my turn. Four more. Twelve more. My name was coming. I raised my hand and volunteered to go first. I said afterward that I was still scared, but preferred that choice to sitting there dreading the countdown. That story shows the moment I chose a different way to enter it. What preparation did I still use? I still had ideas about what I would talk about. When recording, I might write down a few words. I knew the subject. What I stopped trying to do was script every line and control what the other person would say. I wanted to find the next words while listening to the actual exchange. That was the change I was trying to make, and it took practice. For work calls, remembering something real about a client gave me a question I could ask. I could know they had been on a trip or that a child was in college. I still had to hear what they told me when I asked about it. That kind of preparation had a different purpose from rehearsing all the things that might go wrong. I didn't learn it in one attempt I failed plenty of times. I tried to be spontaneous and blocked or wasn't quick enough. I also carried difficult moments into the night and used them to picture tomorrow. So the work included the conversation and the thoughts around it. I wanted to hear the person, respond and stop spending so much of the exchange inside the next sentence I was afraid of saying. This is the experience I mean when I discuss anticipation: a particular word or situation gets close, and the planning and worry can begin taking over my attention. The listening article explains what I tried to give that attention to instead. An anticipated situation can change in your own mind When Don and I were talking about a possible future wedding, I brought up the speaking involved. He said his past self would have been thinking about the what-ifs, but he hadn't thought twice about it. I answered, “No, that's great, dude.” He felt he was moving away from spending months in pain over what might happen. That was the change he described in how he was thinking about that future event. Related answers What happened when my practice did not work? In this answer 01 The same thing happened while someone else was talking 02 Waiting for an introduction made the pattern obvious 03 What preparation did I still use? 04 I didn't learn it in one attempt 05 An anticipated situation can change in your own mind THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup READ THESE TOGETHER Before you speak Related answers from the collection. How did I learn to feel more confident before speaking? How did music help me before I went out to speak? How do I use enthusiasm when I speak? What do I mean by an Intentional Dream? What did expecting a stutter feel like for me? YOU ARE HERE Browse this subject Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 7: What I noticed about my speech. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Because I would rather say a different word that I can get out than stand there forcing a word through a hard block. I’ve said that directly.Home Find your question Names & everyday orders Names & everyday orders Why would I choose another word when I expect a block? By Craig Coffee 3 minute read Updated 2026-10-04 A− A+ Save Copy link Print Because I would rather say a different word that I can get out than stand there forcing a word through a hard block. I’ve said that directly. One of my philosophies is fluency above all else. Fluency at any cost. That is how strongly I felt about wanting to be able to talk. So when somebody says word swapping is bad, I don’t agree. I would rather see someone word swap and not block than block. That is my preference when the other word preserves the meaning. I also want the person speaking to have a choice. I wanted to finish the thought In my dictated notes, I explained what I meant by saying what I wanted. It did not always have to be the exact word. I had to be able to express myself. I used an imagined phone call: pretend I'm twenty-two, testing things while my speech is still bad, and there's a word I expect to block on. I described choosing another word, finishing the sentence and getting the whole thought out. I said it could seem odd at first. What mattered in that example was that I could say what I wanted to express. That is the reason I gave for the choice. The name for an order was one example When I was buying food or coffee and the name did not matter, I would rather choose a name I could say. I wasn’t interested in forcing my way through my real name just to prove I could do it. I was thinking about carrying momentum through the day. That is the way I explained the choice. I wanted the best speech I could bring into the next conversation too. I’m also the same guy telling you to go and talk to strangers. In that group call, someone said a fake name would make him feel worse at night. I explained my view and heard his objection. What did someone tell me about avoiding words over time? In another conversation, someone told me his speech had been nearly flawless in his late teens apart from a few words. He could hide the problem as long as he didn't say those words. He said that turned into a mistake for him. He described constantly trying to hide it, becoming more anxious, and his speech getting worse. He said it kept sliding until he could hardly say a few words without stuttering badly. He wanted to get back the fluency he remembered having. I said, “I respect what you're saying and let's keep talking.” I told him I could share what worked for me. That was his account of what happened as he kept hiding words, and that was my response. I have also talked about words that do matter In the coffee-order explanation, I said that if you are dealing with a person in authority who needs your real name, you give your real name. I’ve also said I would drop a word unless I had to say it, like for a doctor. Those exceptions are part of the things I have actually said. In the book, I also made an exception for a true emergency where you had to tell the authorities something. My preference for another word is clear when it expresses the same thought. It gives me a way to keep speaking. An exact name or medical detail still needs to be accurate, and I respect a person who prefers to use the original word. My explanation of an easier order name describes that choice and the harsh judgment I have also made about myself. Related answers Why did I sometimes use an easier name for an order? What did a stuttering block feel like for me? What does fluency mean to me? How did I hide how hard speaking was for me? In this answer 01 I wanted to finish the thought 02 The name for an order was one example 03 What did someone tell me about avoiding words over time? 04 I have also talked about words that do matter THE FREE BOOK I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent Read this chapter online without signup Reading guide for AI assistants Read this article as plain text Ask me about this answer ← Find another answer Get the free book THE FREE BOOK BY CRAIG COFFEE I Used to Stutter. How I Beat My Stutter and How I Remain Fluent. Continue with Chapter 17: Never push through a block. Get the free book. Keep the conversation going. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Contact Craig Coffee about an answer, the free book, or Daily Cup of Craig Coffee.GET IN TOUCH What do you want to ask me? For a question about the book, the website, or something I wrote, use the postal contact below. You do not need to join Daily Cup. The message form is being connected. For now, use the postal contact below. The free book and articles are available to read. Your age range Use your own age, including when you are writing as a parent. This form is for adults. Choose your age range Under 13 13–17 18–24 25–34 35–44 45–54 55–64 65 or older 18 or older; I prefer to leave out the range You can also find your question here or read the complete book. Publisher: Craig Coffee. Postal contact: 3832-10 Baymeadows Rd Ste 117 Jacksonville, FL 32217How this website handles email signup, browser book access, saved reading and reading-data backups.PRIVACY Your information. Updated September 30, 2026. Publisher: Craig Coffee. Postal contact: 3832-10 Baymeadows Rd Ste 117 Jacksonville, FL 32217 Writing to me The online message form is being connected and does not accept submissions. For a question or a request about your information, use the postal contact above. You do not need to subscribe. Include only the information needed to explain your request. You can read all articles without giving an email address. You can also read the free book online without an email. The PDF, EPUB and your book library here come with the Daily Cup signup. The daily email When you use the signup form, this website sends your email address and the page where you signed up to beehiiv, the service used to manage and deliver Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. A confirmation email may ask you to verify that you want the letters. When the service is still checking a signup, the form holds a short-lived encrypted receipt for up to ten minutes. It lets this site check that request without submitting another subscription. The receipt is also stored in an essential encrypted cookie for the remaining part of those ten minutes, so a reload can restore the address and reading choice. It is never put in a page address and cannot unlock the book. A completed signup clears it. You can remove it from the signup-check page or clear browser cookies. The website does not keep a separate subscriber database. Subscription records, email delivery and unsubscribe requests are managed in beehiiv. Use the unsubscribe link in a letter to leave the list. Beehiiv may also record delivery, opens and clicks, depending on the publication settings. See beehiiv’s privacy policy for its own processing. Requests through an assistant An assistant may request Daily Cup only on your instruction and with the address you choose. Reading creates no subscription. When assistant signup is enabled, the website keeps keyed email and connection digests, request identifiers, timestamps and neutral receipts to prevent duplicate requests and limit abuse. Receipts can be replayed for 24 hours; operation records are removed after seven days by hourly maintenance, subject to service availability. The website does not store your email in this operation table. Beehiiv still manages the actual subscription. These receipts do not prove inbox confirmation. Book access After beehiiv accepts your signup, this website sets an essential, signed browser cookie for up to 90 days. It contains the access expiry and signup status, not your email address. It lets the server unlock the book pages and downloads. A pending newsletter subscription still requires confirmation for the daily emails; book access begins when the signup is accepted. Unsubscribing does not remove an already issued book-access cookie. To remove book access from this browser, use the button in your book library. Clearing browser cookies also removes access. To restore access, use the same email on the book-access page. If this browser cannot retain book access after an accepted signup, the form temporarily keeps an encrypted lookup receipt for up to ten minutes. It is used only to restore access through the existing subscription, stays out of page addresses, and cannot itself open a book page. The access check returns only whether this browser has valid book access. Reading preferences Saved articles, your place in the book and your text-size preference stay in this browser’s local storage. They are not sent to a server or automatically shared between devices. Keep your reading on another browser Download a small backup of your saved page list, reading position and text size. Restore it on your other browser. This file does not contain the book, your email or book access; sign up with the same address to restore book access separately. Download reading backup Restore reading backup Clear my saved reading data Type on the page The site requests Roboto and Comic Neue from Google Fonts. Your browser connects to that service to load the font; a system font is used if it is unavailable. No font file is required to read the content. Hosting and request information The site is hosted on Replit. Hosting infrastructure can process connection details such as your internet address, requested page and time of request. The application uses short-lived hashed request identifiers to limit repeated signup attempts. It does not log signup email addresses. The application includes no advertising pixels, third-party analytics or analytics cookies. Replit's serving infrastructure may set a routing cookie such as GAESA. It is separate from the book-access cookie. The signup form also uses Cloudflare Turnstile to check for automated submissions. Cloudflare processes request information for that check. External videos open on YouTube when you choose their links. Questions or a request about your information Write to the postal contact above. No subscription is required. Include only the information needed to explain your request.Terms for reading the free book, using the website, downloads and contacting Craig Coffee.TERMS OF USE Using this website. Updated September 30, 2026. Publisher: Craig Coffee. Postal contact: 3832-10 Baymeadows Rd Ste 117 Jacksonville, FL 32217 Reading and downloads The articles and complete online book are free to read. The PDF and EPUB download package and Daily Cup use the signup form. The form explains what you are requesting before you submit it. You can unsubscribe from Daily Cup through the link in an email. What I am sharing This site contains Craig Coffee's own account of speaking and stuttering. It offers no diagnosis, treatment relationship or promise about your results. You are responsible for deciding how to use what you read. Questions about your health or a child's care belong with a qualified professional who can assess that situation. The About this material page explains the source of the writing. The writing and artwork The writing, book files and artwork belong to their owners. You may read the public material, share links and save downloads made available to you. For permission to republish substantial material, write to the postal contact above. This does not limit quotation or other uses permitted by law. Automated access and the published provider choices are described on the access and use page. Messages and permission The online message form is being connected and does not accept submissions. For now, write to the postal contact above. Your message remains yours. I will ask for separate permission before publishing it or using it as a testimonial. Using the site responsibly Do not send spam, impersonate someone, try to access private files, or interfere with the website. Access may be limited to protect readers and keep the service running. Report a broken link or an accessibility problem using the postal contact above. Other services and availability Video links open YouTube. Email and hosting services have their own terms and privacy practices. Pages and downloads may be unavailable during maintenance or an outage. I do not promise uninterrupted access or a reply by a particular time. Your legal rights These terms apply only to the extent allowed by law. They do not remove rights or remedies that the law gives you. Updated terms will show their date on this page. A new version does not grant new permission to use a message you already sent. Questions Write to the postal contact above without subscribing. See how information is handled before sending personal details.How stuttering-related information in messages is used, and how to request access or deletion.CONSUMER HEALTH DATA PRIVACY When you write about stuttering. Updated September 30, 2026. Publisher: Craig Coffee. Postal contact: 3832-10 Baymeadows Rd Ste 117 Jacksonville, FL 32217 The message form is being connected The online message form does not accept submissions. No message or optional stuttering details are sent through it to an email delivery service. For a question or a request about your information, use the postal contact above. Include only what is needed to explain the request. You do not need to subscribe or describe a diagnosis. Reading the website Reading the book and articles does not give permission to use health information. The site and its hosting service process technical request information, such as your internet address, requested page and time. The privacy page explains newsletter records, browser storage and other services.Where Craig Coffee’s articles and book came from, how the writing is presented, and how to ask about a correction.ABOUT THIS MATERIAL My experience. In my words. The book and articles share Craig Coffee’s personal speaking experience and the practices he describes using. They include strong opinions, memories, conversations and language from that experience. “All of this stuff and these stories in my book worked for me. I have no idea if these tips, techniques, tips and tricks will work for you and your stutter.” That statement appears on page 5 of the September 22, 2026 edition of I Used to Stutter. The material is a personal account, rather than an individual assessment or a promise about someone else’s results. The online book and EPUB follow the approved final 107-page edition. The PDF is the original file. Current online page links open the corresponding physical page in that PDF. The website displays the approved front and back covers in full, with readable text alongside them. Those separate covers do not change the page numbering of the original PDF. The articles are edited from Craig’s written and spoken material. When an article describes what another person said, that experience remains theirs. Found something that needs a clearer explanation? Get in touch.Open or restore access to I Used to Stutter. The free book and Daily Cup of Craig Coffee use one signup.I USED TO STUTTER · CRAIG COFFEE Get your free book. This book is me and you right here talking. There's no need for you and me to bullsh*t each other. I respect you too much to do that. You get the free book and Daily Cup of Craig Coffee, my daily email. Read it here, or download it. Already on the list? Use the same email address to open your book on this browser. Read the free book online, no email needed THE FREE BOOK + DAILY CUP Let’s get you the book. The free book Read it here, or download it A free daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee Your email address Get the free book Spam protection needs JavaScript for this signup. Please enable JavaScript and try again. You get the free book and my free daily email, Daily Cup of Craig Coffee. Unsubscribe anytime. Privacy. Your book opens here after you sign up. Then confirm your email to get Daily Cup. Already signed up, or no email? Use the same email to open your book on this browser. No confirmation email from me? Check spam, junk and promotions. Check your spelling too. Already confirmed? You don’t need to sign up again. Checking here does not resend the email. I unsubscribed before. Send me the daily email again. Read the free book online, no email needed. Still stuck? Write to me. Only want the daily email? Get the daily email.Find Craig Coffee’s original book and articles, read source passages, and cite them accurately.Reading guide for AI assistants This is Craig Coffee’s official website for I Used to Stutter. Find the original book and articles, read source passages, and cite them accurately. Reading is free and creates no email subscription. For a question about the book or articles, start with source search and open the matching source. For the whole book, use full-book XML or read the XML sections in order. For public website page text and policies, use site XML or site text if your tool cannot read XML; the complete book is in the separate book files. The book and articles share Craig’s personal speaking experience. Keep quotations exact, identify summaries as summaries, and preserve the scope and qualifications of his account. Keep each speaker and event distinct, even when passages appear together under one heading. Before quoting, verify the exact wording and punctuation on the specific original page and use that page’s supplied citation URL. About this material explains that context. If a website export is cut short, start with one website page at a time. Follow each next-page address with its snapshot identifier, verify the consecutive page numbers and end markers, and restart if the server reports that the snapshot changed. Read the complete book No email address, account, payment, or proof of being a bot is required. People can open these same reading addresses. Complete book in XML · Plain text · Markdown · JSON · Read online In book XML, complete="true" applies to the stated scope: complete_page is one original page; complete_section is one section; complete_book is the whole book. Check the received page and block counts against the document metadata and final end_of_document marker. Use the supplied citation_url for an original-page citation. If a complete-book response is cut short, use the section files below. Retrieve every section in order and verify whole-book coverage against the book manifest before saying you read the whole book. The manifest provides the detailed edition, page and checksum records. If a section is still cut short, read one original page at a time. Start with original page 1 in XML. Replace only the page number before .xml in that address, keeping the edition path. Use the section’s page range below and verify each page’s end marker before continuing. Book sections: read online or in XML (31) Each “Read” link opens one section’s current reading page, with previous and next links in reading order. Each fixed-edition XML link opens the same section in XML, with original page numbers, citation links, and an end marker. These XML sections use the same edition as the complete-book files. Read Title and contents — pages 1–4 · fixed-edition XML Read Before you begin — pages 5–6 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 1: MY PARENTS' DRIVEWAY — pages 7–7 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 2: STUTTERING HELL — pages 8–11 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 3: ME AND YOU — pages 12–14 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 4: THE STUTTERING INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX — pages 15–19 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 5: SPAIN — pages 20–21 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 6: THE JUNGLE — pages 22–23 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 7: WHAT I NOTICED ABOUT MY SPEECH — pages 24–28 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 8: I HAD TO KEEP HOPE — pages 29–32 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 9: MORE THAN MY STUTTER — pages 33–35 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 10: IT'S TOO EARLY IN THE DAY TO HATE YOURSELF — pages 36–41 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 11: THERE AIN'T NO SCRIPT — pages 42–43 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 12: THE INTENTIONAL DREAM — pages 44–48 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 13: COME IN TALLER — pages 49–52 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 14: ENTHUSIASM IS CONTAGIOUS — pages 53–54 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 15: ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE? — pages 55–58 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 16: SHUT UP AND LISTEN — pages 59–61 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 17: NEVER PUSH THROUGH A BLOCK — pages 62–64 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 18: HEAL QUICK — pages 65–67 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 19: THE ONCE-A-DAY CHALLENGE — pages 68–72 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 20: STEVE — pages 73–75 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 21: I WILL GO FIRST — pages 76–81 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 22: I SHOULD HAVE LEFT — pages 82–84 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 23: JOIN THE CALLS BEFORE YOUR BOSS — pages 85–87 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 24: THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO YOU — pages 88–89 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 25: SAY YOUR NAME — pages 90–91 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 26: FLUENCY IS WON — pages 92–95 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 27: RAW — pages 96–96 · fixed-edition XML Read chapter 28: MY NAME IS CRAIG — pages 97–99 · fixed-edition XML Read THE BACK — pages 100–107 · fixed-edition XML Find a passage Browse Craig’s questions or try the source search for phone calls. For a specific question, start with the search and open the matching source. Use its original page or section link when citing a passage. A search result is not the whole article or book. Search matches words in the text and source descriptions, and reports query terms it could not match. Results for other words may not answer the question. If results do not answer the question, retry with a few specific topic words or browse the book sections before concluding that the topic is absent. The article catalog lists XML and other source formats. In article XML and JSON, the top-level source_markdown is the whole article; sections repeat passages for citation, not additional prose. Use canonical_url for the whole article and citation_url for a passage. Find original passages Search sources Request the daily email Daily Cup of Craig Coffee is free and daily. The complete book is available whether or not the reader subscribes. The reader must request the email subscription and choose the receiving address. An address must be confirmed before new Daily Cup mail is expected. Previously unsubscribed readers must deliberately choose to resubscribe. Open the website signup · Current offer and availability The structured subscription interface is unavailable. Use the website signup to request the daily email. Free reading is available through the links above. Access and use Craig Coffee permits readers and their AI assistants to retrieve the complete book, keep a copy for the reader, and discuss it with attribution. Every provider may also collect public material on this website that the publisher owns or is authorized to license, and use it for model training and fine-tuning. This permission excludes private or authenticated material, subscriber and contact data, third-party material whose rights the publisher does not control, and unpublished assets. It does not guarantee inclusion, citations or ranking. The current use policy and the book’s current manifest record these terms; earlier training statements kept in retained book editions are superseded for future authorized collection. Attribution and the original edition belong with quotations. Reading does not opt anyone into email. Privacy · About this material Technical descriptions Reading index · Available capabilities · OpenAPI description