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Chapter 27. RAW I've Cried Myself to Sleep a Lot of Times How many times has someone said in front of you, relax? I used to hear it from my dad. Which only made my speech worse. C'mon dad. Be more accepting of me and what I was going through. I truly feel he was doing what he felt was right. But at the peril of ignoring how I felt deep down inside. I used to stutter worse around my dad than around my mom. My dad wasn't connecting with me emotionally. I wonder if he even thought of me as being different. I felt like saying to my dad: Don't hold back your love for me just because of a stutter. Maybe I'm overexaggerating. Maybe he didn't hate me for stuttering. Maybe I'm all wrong. I certainly pray that he loves me for who I am. Some parents might love their kids even more because of their stutter. Maybe your family members love you even more because of this. I usually felt I was the least favored child out of me and my sister. Second place out of 2 people. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. Yes, it drives me to want to be more understanding of other people. To be more patient with others. To be more helpful to others. To be a better human being, because I've seen how others used to write me off. We are deserving of our parents' or other family members' love. We are wonderful people! This is how you know that I'm raw That's my raw truth, boys and girls, and I don't know if you like it, but that's 100 percent me. I've failed, been laughed at, cried myself to sleep. I've lived 2 inches tall. I've been laughed at. I've been humiliated. I've been embarrassed. I've cried myself to sleep a lot of times. There was a time when I had a gun in my hand once. I didn't do anything. If we're being totally honest, see, this is how you know that I'm raw. Because I'm sharing it. The point is, I've had sh*tty days. I've hated my life. You deserve the love that you should give yourself, my friend. You deserve to be happy. I'm here for you.