## Chapter 24. THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO YOU ## I Was Just Glad I Didn't Block! I met this girl Tara through a friend, and she gave me her phone number on a piece of paper. I was just turning 16. One afternoon I remember calling the number she gave me, and a deep voice answered, hello. This must have been Tara's dad, and I was scared. You know the feeling of panic that sets in when you just know you are about to stutter badly. I wanted to say, may I please speak with Tara, but all that came out was T-t-t-t-t-t ara please. Instead of asking, is Tara there? Or, hi, it's Craig, is Tara there please? My sister overheard me and thought I was rude. I was just glad I didn't block! ## At my job, I never told people, hey, I used to stutter. Do not preamble. Never worked. What it did for me is, it reduced how I felt. I didn't feel big and powerful and strong. I felt tiny and meek. At my job, I never told people, hey, I used to stutter. ## I think it's okay to share with the people closest to you After all, if you can't be open and honest with someone going through what you've gone through, who can you be honest with? I'm proud of you for what you've done, because you've endured a sh*t ton more than your family has, right? More than most people who are not stutterers. It's not fair, but you've done a nice job of surviving it. Do you talk to your girlfriend about speech? Has it ever come up at all or not? "Yeah. We probably touched on it like 3 times, 4 times, 5 times." Dude, that's good. I actually think that's healthy. This is what I know, and you're a nice guy. Around the ones you're really close with, I think it's also okay to share when stuff goes well or if it doesn't. It's sharing your life with someone who cares enough to sit down with you. You get to say, oh my gosh, and how was that thing from last time you told me about? I think there's such joy in that, and the cost is free, and it really helps. I think helping to do that for me at least was the fluency. Friendships, relationships, and really talking about the things that really matter. ## The enthusiasm can carry the pressure The thing is, what I want you to know as my friend is, man, I'll help you through the scariest speaking parts. So you're going to call her dad. I will help you. "The dad, I was definitely anxious the first time. I mean, he was a big motherf*cker, big Texan boy. Like a hunter. Literally like 6 foot 3, 300 pounds, and owns like 5 different companies." Of course. Big and powerful. Because it's not just the size. If the dad was 5 foot 4, 120, you'd still be slightly nervous at first. So the way, Don, that I would do it, just me and you speaking, the day you drive out there by yourself, he's going to know. But that's fine, right? Remember how we talked about when you're on a client call, where you get them talking about themselves? So you can start off with something that gets him talking first. Then come with enthusiasm about how much you love his daughter. That's how I would do it. I would write it down, but I wouldn't read from it. I'd just have an idea of like 10 things, and maybe you say 5 or 6 or more. Then you just want to ask, I would love to get your permission to marry her. But the point is, the enthusiasm can carry the pressure. The enthusiasm can carry the worry and stress of, how's this going to go?