Chapter 20. STEVE

An easier order name was one choice I used

I love drinking coffee at Bold Bean in Jacksonville. My favorite is freshly roasted coffee made as a pour over. The problem was that when you order a pour over, the baristas ask you for your name. I admit, I was so nervous, but loved coffee so much, I would give a fake name. I chose a name that was easier for me to say than my own. Humiliating, yes, but it's what I did time and time again. The name I chose? Steve. Because words that start with the letter s caused me to not stutter as much.

Momentum is built by one step at a time

Let me talk about where you might be, which is stuck at home. Don't like to go out a lot. The thing is, there's momentum. It means you don't just pop up and have a ton of confidence. No, you build up to it. Well, how do I build momentum, Craig? Well, I've been showing you bits and pieces. The way you do momentum is by creating it. Which means you talk to your stranger a day. You take my once-a-day challenge and you do it. Then when you decide to go out at night, you decide to follow what I share, which is playing music that really gets you excited.

Momentum is built by one step at a time. By each time you go out, by each time you decide to talk, by each time you decide to push the boundaries of what's possible. Momentum is built. It's made. You build it with music, you build it with practice, you build it with the stories we tell ourselves and what we think about it, you build it by telling yourself that you got it. You can't just go from where you are on the couch to extreme confidence. No, there's steps involved.

This is not my first conversation for the day. While I walked here from wherever I parked, I chatted up a couple of strangers just to practice. Before you step up to something really hard, set yourself up for success.



I wanted more than one good moment. I wanted to carry a little confidence from one conversation into the next. That is what I mean by fluency momentum. A hard block could knock that feeling for me, especially when I kept replaying it. It did not make the next conversation a foregone conclusion.

Choosing another way to say something was one way I tried to keep moving. I was learning to communicate in the real world, including when things felt scary. The choice had to fit the situation and keep the meaning accurate.

A fake name while you work on your speech, when it doesn't matter

Ever gone to a coffee shop where they ask you your name for the order?

I am comfortable with an easier order name when it is only a label for collecting the order. That was one choice I used while working on my speech. I also want room for a person who would rather use their own name. The choice belongs to the person speaking.

For an ordinary coffee order, the name can simply help staff match a drink to the customer. That is the situation I mean. When somebody needs your actual identity, give accurate information.

So an easier name is an option for an order label. You do not need to judge your progress by which option you choose. I want you to have a way to communicate and room to try again after a hard moment.

"So I would rather stutter than use a fake name. I feel like I've got too much pride for that."



When someone told me he would rather stutter on his real name, I heard how much that choice mattered to him. I preferred an easier name when its only job was to get a coffee order called out. My embarrassment about using Steve describes how I felt. It does not make the same practical choice a failure for someone else. An order label can be flexible; a real name needed by a doctor or authority must be accurate.

I was trying to carry confidence into the next conversation. Using an easier name for an optional order was one way I approached that. It was a choice, not a test you had to pass. A person who prefers to say their own name through a block can make that choice too.

I thought about carrying a little confidence into the next exchange. That is the purpose behind the choice I am describing. It is one option to use when it fits, and it does not guarantee how the rest of the day will go.