{ "schema_version": "1.0", "id": "CC-124", "title": "What did expecting a stutter feel like for me?", "topic": "Anticipation, preparation and the listener", "author": { "name": "Craig Coffee", "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person" }, "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation", "access": "public", "content_kind": "author_published_article", "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material", "source_sha256": "5f276e4438bce1db856042cf4e005db3a00b0e890287c3ce4894bf9b5bf73706", "source_markdown": "# What did expecting a stutter feel like for me?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nI could start having a difficult conversation in my head long before it happened. I was going to talk to somebody at two o'clock. Here was what I would say. Here was what they would ask. Here was my answer. Then I would reach a word and think, I can't say that.\n\nThat is the head game I describe as pre-planning to stutter. I was trying to predict the words and the problems before I was actually with the person.\n\n## The same thing happened while someone else was talking\n\nI would plan my response, look for the words I thought I could get out and think about the words I would try to avoid. The other person was still speaking. A lot of my attention was already on my own next turn.\n\nIn my old notes, I describe an exchange that could feel like a one-way monologue with a few words from me. I wanted to talk more, but my mind was occupied with how I would do it.\n\n## Waiting for an introduction made the pattern obvious\n\nIn the yoga class, we were going around the circle to introduce ourselves and tell an embarrassing story. I knew the feeling of counting how many people were left before my turn. Four more. Twelve more. My name was coming.\n\nI raised my hand and volunteered to go first. I said afterward that I was still scared, but preferred that choice to sitting there dreading the countdown. [That story](/waiting-for-your-turn-to-introduce-yourself) shows the moment I chose a different way to enter it.\n\n## What preparation did I still use?\n\nI still had ideas about what I would talk about. When recording, I might write down a few words. I knew the subject. What I stopped trying to do was script every line and control what the other person would say.\n\nI wanted to find the next words while listening to the actual exchange. That was the change I was trying to make, and it took practice.\n\nFor work calls, remembering something real about a client gave me a question I could ask. I could know they had been on a trip or that a child was in college. I still had to hear what they told me when I asked about it.\n\n[That kind of preparation](/preparing-without-scripting) had a different purpose from rehearsing all the things that might go wrong.\n\n## I didn't learn it in one attempt\n\nI failed plenty of times. I tried to be spontaneous and blocked or wasn't quick enough. I also carried difficult moments into the night and used them to picture tomorrow.\n\nSo the work included the conversation and the thoughts around it. I wanted to hear the person, respond and stop spending so much of the exchange inside the next sentence I was afraid of saying.\n\nThis is the experience I mean when I discuss anticipation: a particular word or situation gets close, and the planning and worry can begin taking over my attention. [The listening article](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech) explains what I tried to give that attention to instead.\n\n## An anticipated situation can change in your own mind\n\nWhen Don and I were talking about a possible future wedding, I brought up the speaking involved. He said his past self would have been thinking about the what-ifs, but he hadn't thought twice about it.\n\nI answered, “No, that's great, dude.” He felt he was moving away from spending months in pain over what might happen. That was the change he described in how he was thinking about that future event.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [What happened when my practice did not work?](/when-stuttering-practice-goes-badly)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n", "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation", "sections": [ { "id": "reading-content", "heading": null, "heading_level": null, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#reading-content", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "I could start having a difficult conversation in my head long before it happened. I was going to talk to somebody at two o'clock. Here was what I would say. Here was what they would ask. Here was my answer. Then I would reach a word and think, I can't say that.\n\nThat is the head game I describe as pre-planning to stutter. I was trying to predict the words and the problems before I was actually with the person.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "f4f8d82047408344bac14ce44c1a8dcf1febb4670bacafc784bab76a8c1b983d" }, { "id": "the-same-thing-happened-while-someone-else-was-talking", "heading": "The same thing happened while someone else was talking", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#the-same-thing-happened-while-someone-else-was-talking", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## The same thing happened while someone else was talking\n\nI would plan my response, look for the words I thought I could get out and think about the words I would try to avoid. The other person was still speaking. A lot of my attention was already on my own next turn.\n\nIn my old notes, I describe an exchange that could feel like a one-way monologue with a few words from me. I wanted to talk more, but my mind was occupied with how I would do it.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "c6ce296e97ccd68aa27ccd52e23d3722dacf668012913455a0e9eecf848a883e" }, { "id": "waiting-for-an-introduction-made-the-pattern-obvious", "heading": "Waiting for an introduction made the pattern obvious", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#waiting-for-an-introduction-made-the-pattern-obvious", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## Waiting for an introduction made the pattern obvious\n\nIn the yoga class, we were going around the circle to introduce ourselves and tell an embarrassing story. I knew the feeling of counting how many people were left before my turn. Four more. Twelve more. My name was coming.\n\nI raised my hand and volunteered to go first. I said afterward that I was still scared, but preferred that choice to sitting there dreading the countdown. [That story](/waiting-for-your-turn-to-introduce-yourself) shows the moment I chose a different way to enter it.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "26fc86cef2f08280e645681df12f5a9e39f7e84effd5082bb6c3c2e078cea67a" }, { "id": "what-preparation-did-i-still-use", "heading": "What preparation did I still use?", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#what-preparation-did-i-still-use", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## What preparation did I still use?\n\nI still had ideas about what I would talk about. When recording, I might write down a few words. I knew the subject. What I stopped trying to do was script every line and control what the other person would say.\n\nI wanted to find the next words while listening to the actual exchange. That was the change I was trying to make, and it took practice.\n\nFor work calls, remembering something real about a client gave me a question I could ask. I could know they had been on a trip or that a child was in college. I still had to hear what they told me when I asked about it.\n\n[That kind of preparation](/preparing-without-scripting) had a different purpose from rehearsing all the things that might go wrong.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "fdab717be4370b0984c77cf8c5f9d44eba828b684f4b089254fe0d2776166661" }, { "id": "i-didn-t-learn-it-in-one-attempt", "heading": "I didn't learn it in one attempt", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#i-didn-t-learn-it-in-one-attempt", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## I didn't learn it in one attempt\n\nI failed plenty of times. I tried to be spontaneous and blocked or wasn't quick enough. I also carried difficult moments into the night and used them to picture tomorrow.\n\nSo the work included the conversation and the thoughts around it. I wanted to hear the person, respond and stop spending so much of the exchange inside the next sentence I was afraid of saying.\n\nThis is the experience I mean when I discuss anticipation: a particular word or situation gets close, and the planning and worry can begin taking over my attention. [The listening article](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech) explains what I tried to give that attention to instead.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "64e7806e8da569f3c24e387077d33db0453e9c43860f29c070d8589350d88087" }, { "id": "an-anticipated-situation-can-change-in-your-own-mind", "heading": "An anticipated situation can change in your own mind", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#an-anticipated-situation-can-change-in-your-own-mind", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## An anticipated situation can change in your own mind\n\nWhen Don and I were talking about a possible future wedding, I brought up the speaking involved. He said his past self would have been thinking about the what-ifs, but he hadn't thought twice about it.\n\nI answered, “No, that's great, dude.” He felt he was moving away from spending months in pain over what might happen. That was the change he described in how he was thinking about that future event.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "9fa4d07dee7d301c816ae89a2d3d3dde4a0e1f7f078c68f553e54a758c4aa9af" }, { "id": "related-answers", "heading": "Related answers", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-anticipation#related-answers", "role": "navigation", "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [What happened when my practice did not work?](/when-stuttering-practice-goes-badly)\n", "source_span_sha256": "b5d6c1712d1a57b42f7edead37b0b4056a71c24fd3ed698dc7c1db09915c51c9" } ], "related_book_sections": [ { "id": "what-kept-me-stuttering", "title": "WHAT I NOTICED ABOUT MY SPEECH", "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/what-kept-me-stuttering", "formats": { "json": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/what-kept-me-stuttering.json", "xml": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/what-kept-me-stuttering.xml", "md": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/what-kept-me-stuttering.md", "txt": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/what-kept-me-stuttering.txt" } } ] }