Craig Coffeehttps://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach# What is the approach I am sharing? By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee) I call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture. Stuttering got into how I lived. Where I went, what I ordered, whether I approached somebody, what I thought I could do at work. I wanted the whole life to change, and I had a lot to work on. [I am one person explaining what worked for me.](/evaluating-stuttering-treatment-claims) I don't know whether someone else's experience will be the same. But I can show the situations, the work and the things I learned while doing it. ## I began before my speech was where I wanted it I noticed that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than having someone approach me. I still stuttered badly. Slightly better was enough to get my attention. At about 14, I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. I used opportunities at stores with my parents or around school. Once I could drive, I could find more places to do it. I was practicing approaching and talking while both were still hard. ## One ordinary example brings several parts together At the beginning of the grocery-store recording, I describe what I did before getting there. I read material I liked out loud, looking for some confidence in my voice. I remembered a small time when my speech had been better. I played music that changed how I felt. Then I walked into the store and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on them and said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?” He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch them. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the exchange. The cookies were in front of us. His answer was his own. I could respond to it and let the conversation end. That short encounter shows the preparation, the opening, the listening and the response in the same piece. ## I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head For years, somebody could be speaking while I was planning my reply. What word would I need? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wasn't really hearing what they were telling me. I wanted to learn to listen and find my words as the conversation developed. I could know the subject and have a few ideas without writing the whole exchange in advance. That felt risky. I blocked plenty of times and wasn't always quick enough. It took practice to trust myself in [an unscripted conversation](/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations). ## I worked on the state I brought with me Music was one way. I had already used it to feel more alive when running or working out. I tried bringing that into how I felt before speaking. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was one thing that helped me arrive less intimidated. Smaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already spoken to people before entering the busy part. On work calls, I liked finding an opening early instead of waiting while the question of when I would speak grew in my head. In the enthusiasm exercise with Don, I asked him to talk about something he genuinely appreciated. Then I pointed to a particular phrase and the confidence I heard in how he said it. We had something specific to try and discuss. ## I also made choices around difficult words and situations My rule about blocks is strong: never push through a block. I have explained how much a forced word could affect the way I felt through the next conversation and the rest of the day. [Word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering) was one alternative I favored. I wanted to be able to finish the thought and express myself. I've also said that when someone in authority requires my real name, I give it, and that there are words I have to say for a doctor. Those situations matter in how I explain the choice. I also learned that I could leave an interaction. The embroidery-store experience stayed with me because I had felt something was wrong and remained while the man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy. When I discussed optional practice with Don, I said we could read the room and move elsewhere. The actual setting and the choices available there mattered. ## The work continued after speaking I was quick to replay a bad moment and use it to predict the next one. I had to work on how I spoke to myself. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I needed a place to start before a big positive statement felt believable. Later, I asked people to remember a real small success and what they said to themselves afterward. I wanted that experience to have room alongside the painful memories. Kindness also included doing something enjoyable for myself. I called it dating yourself: get ice cream, go to an event, make time for something that makes you smile. I wanted a life to enjoy while I worked on my speech. ## I practiced with a picture of the situation too I called one practice an Intentional Dream. I had spent so long imagining a speaking situation going badly. I learned to picture it going well and bring a feeling of real happiness into the scene. My own example involved introducing myself to someone with authority. I used the remembered excitement of meeting a sports hero inside the picture of shaking the person's hand. [The full explanation](/mental-rehearsal-before-speaking) shows how I worked through this with other people and how much the feeling mattered to me. ## The amount of work changed as I learned Some preparation took more time earlier and became shorter later. I described using the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls once other conversations were easier. Some of the talking became habitual. I read, applied ideas and refined what I could use in different places. There were failures, changes and years behind the speech I later showed on camera. The life I valued also included talking more, making connections and having people with whom I could share what was happening. That is why I keep showing ordinary places. Ordering something, asking a question and having a conversation were parts of the life I wanted back. ## Related answers - [How did I start working on my stuttering?](/how-to-stop-stuttering) - [What can you get from me for free?](/free-stuttering-help) - [What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak?](/choosing-a-stuttering-coach) [Find your question](/questions)

I call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture. Stuttering got into how I lived. Where I went, what I ordered, whether I approached somebody, what I thought I could do at work. I wanted the whole life to change, and I had a lot to work on. [I am one person explaining what worked for me.](/evaluating-stuttering-treatment-claims) I don't know whether someone else's experience will be the same. But I can show the situations, the work and the things I learned while doing it.

## I began before my speech was where I wanted it I noticed that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than having someone approach me. I still stuttered badly. Slightly better was enough to get my attention. At about 14, I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. I used opportunities at stores with my parents or around school. Once I could drive, I could find more places to do it. I was practicing approaching and talking while both were still hard.

## One ordinary example brings several parts together At the beginning of the grocery-store recording, I describe what I did before getting there. I read material I liked out loud, looking for some confidence in my voice. I remembered a small time when my speech had been better. I played music that changed how I felt. Then I walked into the store and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on them and said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?” He told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch them. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the exchange. The cookies were in front of us. His answer was his own. I could respond to it and let the conversation end. That short encounter shows the preparation, the opening, the listening and the response in the same piece.

## I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head For years, somebody could be speaking while I was planning my reply. What word would I need? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wasn't really hearing what they were telling me. I wanted to learn to listen and find my words as the conversation developed. I could know the subject and have a few ideas without writing the whole exchange in advance. That felt risky. I blocked plenty of times and wasn't always quick enough. It took practice to trust myself in [an unscripted conversation](/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations).

## I worked on the state I brought with me Music was one way. I had already used it to feel more alive when running or working out. I tried bringing that into how I felt before speaking. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was one thing that helped me arrive less intimidated. Smaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already spoken to people before entering the busy part. On work calls, I liked finding an opening early instead of waiting while the question of when I would speak grew in my head. In the enthusiasm exercise with Don, I asked him to talk about something he genuinely appreciated. Then I pointed to a particular phrase and the confidence I heard in how he said it. We had something specific to try and discuss.

## I also made choices around difficult words and situations My rule about blocks is strong: never push through a block. I have explained how much a forced word could affect the way I felt through the next conversation and the rest of the day. [Word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering) was one alternative I favored. I wanted to be able to finish the thought and express myself. I've also said that when someone in authority requires my real name, I give it, and that there are words I have to say for a doctor. Those situations matter in how I explain the choice. I also learned that I could leave an interaction. The embroidery-store experience stayed with me because I had felt something was wrong and remained while the man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy. When I discussed optional practice with Don, I said we could read the room and move elsewhere. The actual setting and the choices available there mattered.

## The work continued after speaking I was quick to replay a bad moment and use it to predict the next one. I had to work on how I spoke to myself. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I needed a place to start before a big positive statement felt believable. Later, I asked people to remember a real small success and what they said to themselves afterward. I wanted that experience to have room alongside the painful memories. Kindness also included doing something enjoyable for myself. I called it dating yourself: get ice cream, go to an event, make time for something that makes you smile. I wanted a life to enjoy while I worked on my speech.

## I practiced with a picture of the situation too I called one practice an Intentional Dream. I had spent so long imagining a speaking situation going badly. I learned to picture it going well and bring a feeling of real happiness into the scene. My own example involved introducing myself to someone with authority. I used the remembered excitement of meeting a sports hero inside the picture of shaking the person's hand. [The full explanation](/mental-rehearsal-before-speaking) shows how I worked through this with other people and how much the feeling mattered to me.

## The amount of work changed as I learned Some preparation took more time earlier and became shorter later. I described using the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls once other conversations were easier. Some of the talking became habitual. I read, applied ideas and refined what I could use in different places. There were failures, changes and years behind the speech I later showed on camera. The life I valued also included talking more, making connections and having people with whom I could share what was happening. That is why I keep showing ordinary places. Ordering something, asking a question and having a conversation were parts of the life I wanted back.