{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-121",
  "title": "What is the approach I am sharing?",
  "topic": "Getting started and understanding my approach",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
  },
  "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach",
  "access": "public",
  "content_kind": "author_published_article",
  "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material",
  "source_sha256": "86624e86976bc51d736de366fa6a145851884233334de9b2e2e36b86d76bdd92",
  "source_markdown": "# What is the approach I am sharing?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nI call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture.\n\nStuttering got into how I lived. Where I went, what I ordered, whether I approached somebody, what I thought I could do at work. I wanted the whole life to change, and I had a lot to work on.\n\n[I am one person explaining what worked for me.](/evaluating-stuttering-treatment-claims) I don't know whether someone else's experience will be the same. But I can show the situations, the work and the things I learned while doing it.\n\n## I began before my speech was where I wanted it\n\nI noticed that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than having someone approach me. I still stuttered badly. Slightly better was enough to get my attention.\n\nAt about 14, I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. I used opportunities at stores with my parents or around school. Once I could drive, I could find more places to do it. I was practicing approaching and talking while both were still hard.\n\n## One ordinary example brings several parts together\n\nAt the beginning of the grocery-store recording, I describe what I did before getting there. I read material I liked out loud, looking for some confidence in my voice. I remembered a small time when my speech had been better. I played music that changed how I felt.\n\nThen I walked into the store and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on them and said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?”\n\nHe told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch them. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the exchange.\n\nThe cookies were in front of us. His answer was his own. I could respond to it and let the conversation end. That short encounter shows the preparation, the opening, the listening and the response in the same piece.\n\n## I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head\n\nFor years, somebody could be speaking while I was planning my reply. What word would I need? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wasn't really hearing what they were telling me.\n\nI wanted to learn to listen and find my words as the conversation developed. I could know the subject and have a few ideas without writing the whole exchange in advance.\n\nThat felt risky. I blocked plenty of times and wasn't always quick enough. It took practice to trust myself in [an unscripted conversation](/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations).\n\n## I worked on the state I brought with me\n\nMusic was one way. I had already used it to feel more alive when running or working out. I tried bringing that into how I felt before speaking. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was one thing that helped me arrive less intimidated.\n\nSmaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already spoken to people before entering the busy part. On work calls, I liked finding an opening early instead of waiting while the question of when I would speak grew in my head.\n\nIn the enthusiasm exercise with Don, I asked him to talk about something he genuinely appreciated. Then I pointed to a particular phrase and the confidence I heard in how he said it. We had something specific to try and discuss.\n\n## I also made choices around difficult words and situations\n\nMy rule about blocks is strong: never push through a block. I have explained how much a forced word could affect the way I felt through the next conversation and the rest of the day.\n\n[Word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering) was one alternative I favored. I wanted to be able to finish the thought and express myself. I've also said that when someone in authority requires my real name, I give it, and that there are words I have to say for a doctor. Those situations matter in how I explain the choice.\n\nI also learned that I could leave an interaction. The embroidery-store experience stayed with me because I had felt something was wrong and remained while the man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy.\n\nWhen I discussed optional practice with Don, I said we could read the room and move elsewhere. The actual setting and the choices available there mattered.\n\n## The work continued after speaking\n\nI was quick to replay a bad moment and use it to predict the next one. I had to work on how I spoke to myself. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I needed a place to start before a big positive statement felt believable.\n\nLater, I asked people to remember a real small success and what they said to themselves afterward. I wanted that experience to have room alongside the painful memories.\n\nKindness also included doing something enjoyable for myself. I called it dating yourself: get ice cream, go to an event, make time for something that makes you smile. I wanted a life to enjoy while I worked on my speech.\n\n## I practiced with a picture of the situation too\n\nI called one practice an Intentional Dream. I had spent so long imagining a speaking situation going badly. I learned to picture it going well and bring a feeling of real happiness into the scene.\n\nMy own example involved introducing myself to someone with authority. I used the remembered excitement of meeting a sports hero inside the picture of shaking the person's hand. [The full explanation](/mental-rehearsal-before-speaking) shows how I worked through this with other people and how much the feeling mattered to me.\n\n## The amount of work changed as I learned\n\nSome preparation took more time earlier and became shorter later. I described using the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls once other conversations were easier. Some of the talking became habitual.\n\nI read, applied ideas and refined what I could use in different places. There were failures, changes and years behind the speech I later showed on camera.\n\nThe life I valued also included talking more, making connections and having people with whom I could share what was happening. That is why I keep showing ordinary places. Ordering something, asking a question and having a conversation were parts of the life I wanted back.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [How did I start working on my stuttering?](/how-to-stop-stuttering)\n- [What can you get from me for free?](/free-stuttering-help)\n- [What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak?](/choosing-a-stuttering-coach)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
  "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach",
  "sections": [
    {
      "id": "reading-content",
      "heading": null,
      "heading_level": null,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#reading-content",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "I call it a 360 degree view of what it took me to beat my stutter and remain fluent. My speech, my thoughts, my fear of talking, my beliefs, my self-image and learning how to have a conversation all belonged in that picture.\n\nStuttering got into how I lived. Where I went, what I ordered, whether I approached somebody, what I thought I could do at work. I wanted the whole life to change, and I had a lot to work on.\n\n[I am one person explaining what worked for me.](/evaluating-stuttering-treatment-claims) I don't know whether someone else's experience will be the same. But I can show the situations, the work and the things I learned while doing it.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "18837418adb618da8ee75f9e6e6909d5bd075f2e5e5f603e5329446e2833c495"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-began-before-my-speech-was-where-i-wanted-it",
      "heading": "I began before my speech was where I wanted it",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#i-began-before-my-speech-was-where-i-wanted-it",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I began before my speech was where I wanted it\n\nI noticed that approaching someone felt slightly less intimidating than having someone approach me. I still stuttered badly. Slightly better was enough to get my attention.\n\nAt about 14, I challenged myself to talk to one new person a day. I used opportunities at stores with my parents or around school. Once I could drive, I could find more places to do it. I was practicing approaching and talking while both were still hard.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "10130c6b6319d8a31ce617cacba472e3dfd3c0a3e5b2553d41ea95b767f6ba6f"
    },
    {
      "id": "one-ordinary-example-brings-several-parts-together",
      "heading": "One ordinary example brings several parts together",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#one-ordinary-example-brings-several-parts-together",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## One ordinary example brings several parts together\n\nAt the beginning of the grocery-store recording, I describe what I did before getting there. I read material I liked out loud, looking for some confidence in my voice. I remembered a small time when my speech had been better. I played music that changed how I felt.\n\nThen I walked into the store and saw a man looking at cookies. I commented on them and said that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I talked about how I used to eat junk food and asked, “how about you?”\n\nHe told me he was diabetic and couldn't touch them. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I explained the exchange.\n\nThe cookies were in front of us. His answer was his own. I could respond to it and let the conversation end. That short encounter shows the preparation, the opening, the listening and the response in the same piece.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "d11b96f99c2cca356065d21dce0cd3b5267da0fbb1e209530ab2609786adbdb1"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-had-to-stop-living-through-the-next-sentence-in-my-head",
      "heading": "I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#i-had-to-stop-living-through-the-next-sentence-in-my-head",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I had to stop living through the next sentence in my head\n\nFor years, somebody could be speaking while I was planning my reply. What word would I need? Could I say it? What could I avoid? I wasn't really hearing what they were telling me.\n\nI wanted to learn to listen and find my words as the conversation developed. I could know the subject and have a few ideas without writing the whole exchange in advance.\n\nThat felt risky. I blocked plenty of times and wasn't always quick enough. It took practice to trust myself in [an unscripted conversation](/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations).\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "ab8a4c0b988d995ac1c8cf0afc0f3178bfa39d48b94d850ba8c7230b7aa4c8a4"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-worked-on-the-state-i-brought-with-me",
      "heading": "I worked on the state I brought with me",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#i-worked-on-the-state-i-brought-with-me",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I worked on the state I brought with me\n\nMusic was one way. I had already used it to feel more alive when running or working out. I tried bringing that into how I felt before speaking. I said it did not fix my stutter alone or give me perfect speech. It was one thing that helped me arrive less intimidated.\n\nSmaller conversations were another part. At the market, I had already spoken to people before entering the busy part. On work calls, I liked finding an opening early instead of waiting while the question of when I would speak grew in my head.\n\nIn the enthusiasm exercise with Don, I asked him to talk about something he genuinely appreciated. Then I pointed to a particular phrase and the confidence I heard in how he said it. We had something specific to try and discuss.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "59c7c7ec7e9d4a59ab27abb29fd2b81cf341a87906cf4f94926d53ce0f549343"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-also-made-choices-around-difficult-words-and-situations",
      "heading": "I also made choices around difficult words and situations",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#i-also-made-choices-around-difficult-words-and-situations",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I also made choices around difficult words and situations\n\nMy rule about blocks is strong: never push through a block. I have explained how much a forced word could affect the way I felt through the next conversation and the rest of the day.\n\n[Word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering) was one alternative I favored. I wanted to be able to finish the thought and express myself. I've also said that when someone in authority requires my real name, I give it, and that there are words I have to say for a doctor. Those situations matter in how I explain the choice.\n\nI also learned that I could leave an interaction. The embroidery-store experience stayed with me because I had felt something was wrong and remained while the man asked me to repeat my name for his buddy.\n\nWhen I discussed optional practice with Don, I said we could read the room and move elsewhere. The actual setting and the choices available there mattered.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "f16b4a1fd77acf362c056608532e9ca6f4b9fa6d95bbc8f8fd313df5f76b55c1"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-work-continued-after-speaking",
      "heading": "The work continued after speaking",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#the-work-continued-after-speaking",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The work continued after speaking\n\nI was quick to replay a bad moment and use it to predict the next one. I had to work on how I spoke to myself. My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I needed a place to start before a big positive statement felt believable.\n\nLater, I asked people to remember a real small success and what they said to themselves afterward. I wanted that experience to have room alongside the painful memories.\n\nKindness also included doing something enjoyable for myself. I called it dating yourself: get ice cream, go to an event, make time for something that makes you smile. I wanted a life to enjoy while I worked on my speech.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "f42f90e58f66da770765f862e23dff419b65b6d6e03b5a60251913c8f4087dc4"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-practiced-with-a-picture-of-the-situation-too",
      "heading": "I practiced with a picture of the situation too",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#i-practiced-with-a-picture-of-the-situation-too",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I practiced with a picture of the situation too\n\nI called one practice an Intentional Dream. I had spent so long imagining a speaking situation going badly. I learned to picture it going well and bring a feeling of real happiness into the scene.\n\nMy own example involved introducing myself to someone with authority. I used the remembered excitement of meeting a sports hero inside the picture of shaking the person's hand. [The full explanation](/mental-rehearsal-before-speaking) shows how I worked through this with other people and how much the feeling mattered to me.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "7241e2c9e6093df31c650ca83024b1a82207ce8c587ced4a26d8d3a2d4e2eabc"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-amount-of-work-changed-as-i-learned",
      "heading": "The amount of work changed as I learned",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#the-amount-of-work-changed-as-i-learned",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The amount of work changed as I learned\n\nSome preparation took more time earlier and became shorter later. I described using the more deliberate preparation mainly before the biggest calls once other conversations were easier. Some of the talking became habitual.\n\nI read, applied ideas and refined what I could use in different places. There were failures, changes and years behind the speech I later showed on camera.\n\nThe life I valued also included talking more, making connections and having people with whom I could share what was happening. That is why I keep showing ordinary places. Ordering something, asking a question and having a conversation were parts of the life I wanted back.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "eb2a5a9c48d3bec634a1dbc03411322329efeddafbeb6dbec6490624d7725091"
    },
    {
      "id": "related-answers",
      "heading": "Related answers",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee-approach#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [How did I start working on my stuttering?](/how-to-stop-stuttering)\n- [What can you get from me for free?](/free-stuttering-help)\n- [What would I look for in someone teaching me to speak?](/choosing-a-stuttering-coach)\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "3b7ca41ad4745e859e982410b8bee1b3392012afd144e4c5e51983760e595ef3"
    }
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  "related_book_sections": []
}