Craig Coffeehttps://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks# What did a stuttering block feel like for me? By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee) There were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. [My name was the big one.](/stutter-saying-your-name) Then I'd push. I'd try to force it. I wanted the moment over. I wanted to be able to say the damn word. I've talked a lot about how that felt afterward. Embarrassed. Small. Then I'd replay it. I could be out of the situation and still be thinking about what had happened. That part of it stayed with me. ## Is that the same as a pause in a conversation? No. I've made that distinction when talking about conversation. Sometimes the other person is quiet. Sometimes there's a natural pause. I used to feel that I had to fill every gap because I was insecure. I learned that I could let some of that silence be there. When I described that, I specifically said I wasn't talking about silence from a stuttering block. I was talking about [an ordinary pause between people](/silence-in-a-conversation). Those were different experiences for me. In one, I was struggling with something I wanted to say. In the other, I was putting pressure on myself to keep the conversation going every second. ## What did the word moderate mean to me? Speech therapists officially classified my stutter as moderate. It was anything but moderate to me. ## What was I trying to change? I wanted to have a conversation without spending the rest of the day [beating myself up about a word](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering). That's why you'll hear me talk about the moment before speaking, the actual exchange, and what I said to myself afterward. I had a lot going on around that difficult word. I was trying to work on that whole experience. My name, an ordinary order, a conversation with somebody who intimidated me: those were the situations I was trying to get better at. They mattered because they were my life. ## My rule about pushing through a block I have been firm about this: never push through a block. In my recording about it, I said: > This philosophy to never push through a block, it's firm and concrete. I was thinking about more than getting that one word out. I knew how I felt after forcing a block, and how I could keep replaying it afterward. I wanted to carry my speech into the next conversation too. > Don't sacrifice the fluency for the rest of the day. Don't take away your chance to have good speech in the next conversation or later on that day by pushing through a block. That quotation records how firmly I spoke about it. I want to make the scope clear now: forcing a block could leave me upset and replaying it, sometimes for the rest of the day. It does not follow that a block makes later good speech impossible for you. Getting your message across still matters, including when it takes a block to say it. My preference for substitution applies when another word keeps the meaning accurate. ## What I said I would rather do > See, I would rather word substitute and say a different word, a word that I can maybe say without blocking instead of blocking on a word and forcing it out. That is behind [my preference for another word](/word-substitution-and-stuttering). I want to express myself and get my thought out. In that explanation, I was clear about the choice I preferred. I've stated an exception: a true emergency when I had to tell authorities something. I've also said that some situations require my real name, and that I may have to say a particular word for a doctor. A [name used to call out a coffee order](/using-an-easier-name-when-you-stutter) is a choice I have discussed separately. ## Related answers - [What did expecting a stutter feel like for me?](/stuttering-anticipation) [Find your question](/questions)

There were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. [My name was the big one.](/stutter-saying-your-name) Then I'd push. I'd try to force it. I wanted the moment over. I wanted to be able to say the damn word. I've talked a lot about how that felt afterward. Embarrassed. Small. Then I'd replay it. I could be out of the situation and still be thinking about what had happened. That part of it stayed with me.

## Is that the same as a pause in a conversation? No. I've made that distinction when talking about conversation. Sometimes the other person is quiet. Sometimes there's a natural pause. I used to feel that I had to fill every gap because I was insecure. I learned that I could let some of that silence be there. When I described that, I specifically said I wasn't talking about silence from a stuttering block. I was talking about [an ordinary pause between people](/silence-in-a-conversation). Those were different experiences for me. In one, I was struggling with something I wanted to say. In the other, I was putting pressure on myself to keep the conversation going every second.

## What did the word moderate mean to me? Speech therapists officially classified my stutter as moderate. It was anything but moderate to me.

## What was I trying to change? I wanted to have a conversation without spending the rest of the day [beating myself up about a word](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering). That's why you'll hear me talk about the moment before speaking, the actual exchange, and what I said to myself afterward. I had a lot going on around that difficult word. I was trying to work on that whole experience. My name, an ordinary order, a conversation with somebody who intimidated me: those were the situations I was trying to get better at. They mattered because they were my life.

## My rule about pushing through a block I have been firm about this: never push through a block. In my recording about it, I said: > This philosophy to never push through a block, it's firm and concrete. I was thinking about more than getting that one word out. I knew how I felt after forcing a block, and how I could keep replaying it afterward. I wanted to carry my speech into the next conversation too. > Don't sacrifice the fluency for the rest of the day. Don't take away your chance to have good speech in the next conversation or later on that day by pushing through a block. That quotation records how firmly I spoke about it. I want to make the scope clear now: forcing a block could leave me upset and replaying it, sometimes for the rest of the day. It does not follow that a block makes later good speech impossible for you. Getting your message across still matters, including when it takes a block to say it. My preference for substitution applies when another word keeps the meaning accurate.

## What I said I would rather do > See, I would rather word substitute and say a different word, a word that I can maybe say without blocking instead of blocking on a word and forcing it out. That is behind [my preference for another word](/word-substitution-and-stuttering). I want to express myself and get my thought out. In that explanation, I was clear about the choice I preferred. I've stated an exception: a true emergency when I had to tell authorities something. I've also said that some situations require my real name, and that I may have to say a particular word for a doctor. A [name used to call out a coffee order](/using-an-easier-name-when-you-stutter) is a choice I have discussed separately.