{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-082",
  "title": "What did a stuttering block feel like for me?",
  "topic": "Foundational explanation",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
  },
  "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks",
  "access": "public",
  "content_kind": "author_published_article",
  "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material",
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  "source_markdown": "# What did a stuttering block feel like for me?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nThere were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. [My name was the big one.](/stutter-saying-your-name)\n\nThen I'd push. I'd try to force it. I wanted the moment over. I wanted to be able to say the damn word.\n\nI've talked a lot about how that felt afterward. Embarrassed. Small. Then I'd replay it. I could be out of the situation and still be thinking about what had happened. That part of it stayed with me.\n\n## Is that the same as a pause in a conversation?\n\nNo. I've made that distinction when talking about conversation. Sometimes the other person is quiet. Sometimes there's a natural pause. I used to feel that I had to fill every gap because I was insecure.\n\nI learned that I could let some of that silence be there. When I described that, I specifically said I wasn't talking about silence from a stuttering block. I was talking about [an ordinary pause between people](/silence-in-a-conversation).\n\nThose were different experiences for me. In one, I was struggling with something I wanted to say. In the other, I was putting pressure on myself to keep the conversation going every second.\n\n## What did the word moderate mean to me?\n\nSpeech therapists officially classified my stutter as moderate. It was anything but moderate to me.\n\n## What was I trying to change?\n\nI wanted to have a conversation without spending the rest of the day [beating myself up about a word](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering).\n\nThat's why you'll hear me talk about the moment before speaking, the actual exchange, and what I said to myself afterward. I had a lot going on around that difficult word. I was trying to work on that whole experience.\n\nMy name, an ordinary order, a conversation with somebody who intimidated me: those were the situations I was trying to get better at. They mattered because they were my life.\n\n## My rule about pushing through a block\n\nI have been firm about this: never push through a block. In my recording about it, I said:\n\n> This philosophy to never push through a block, it's firm and concrete.\n\nI was thinking about more than getting that one word out. I knew how I felt after forcing a block, and how I could keep replaying it afterward. I wanted to carry my speech into the next conversation too.\n\n> Don't sacrifice the fluency for the rest of the day. Don't take away your chance to have good speech in the next conversation or later on that day by pushing through a block.\n\nThat quotation records how firmly I spoke about it. I want to make the scope clear now: forcing a block could leave me upset and replaying it, sometimes for the rest of the day. It does not follow that a block makes later good speech impossible for you. Getting your message across still matters, including when it takes a block to say it. My preference for substitution applies when another word keeps the meaning accurate.\n\n## What I said I would rather do\n\n> See, I would rather word substitute and say a different word, a word that I can maybe say without blocking instead of blocking on a word and forcing it out.\n\nThat is behind [my preference for another word](/word-substitution-and-stuttering). I want to express myself and get my thought out. In that explanation, I was clear about the choice I preferred.\n\nI've stated an exception: a true emergency when I had to tell authorities something. I've also said that some situations require my real name, and that I may have to say a particular word for a doctor. A [name used to call out a coffee order](/using-an-easier-name-when-you-stutter) is a choice I have discussed separately.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [What did expecting a stutter feel like for me?](/stuttering-anticipation)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
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      "heading": null,
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      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "There were times I couldn’t say my first name without a major block. Nothing came out but silence. [My name was the big one.](/stutter-saying-your-name)\n\nThen I'd push. I'd try to force it. I wanted the moment over. I wanted to be able to say the damn word.\n\nI've talked a lot about how that felt afterward. Embarrassed. Small. Then I'd replay it. I could be out of the situation and still be thinking about what had happened. That part of it stayed with me.\n\n",
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    {
      "id": "is-that-the-same-as-a-pause-in-a-conversation",
      "heading": "Is that the same as a pause in a conversation?",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#is-that-the-same-as-a-pause-in-a-conversation",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## Is that the same as a pause in a conversation?\n\nNo. I've made that distinction when talking about conversation. Sometimes the other person is quiet. Sometimes there's a natural pause. I used to feel that I had to fill every gap because I was insecure.\n\nI learned that I could let some of that silence be there. When I described that, I specifically said I wasn't talking about silence from a stuttering block. I was talking about [an ordinary pause between people](/silence-in-a-conversation).\n\nThose were different experiences for me. In one, I was struggling with something I wanted to say. In the other, I was putting pressure on myself to keep the conversation going every second.\n\n",
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    {
      "id": "what-did-the-word-moderate-mean-to-me",
      "heading": "What did the word moderate mean to me?",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#what-did-the-word-moderate-mean-to-me",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What did the word moderate mean to me?\n\nSpeech therapists officially classified my stutter as moderate. It was anything but moderate to me.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "1fb2ebee1b1986756d2d8e2366477c97285a5558ec3fb420f764fe012b111f40"
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      "id": "what-was-i-trying-to-change",
      "heading": "What was I trying to change?",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#what-was-i-trying-to-change",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What was I trying to change?\n\nI wanted to have a conversation without spending the rest of the day [beating myself up about a word](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering).\n\nThat's why you'll hear me talk about the moment before speaking, the actual exchange, and what I said to myself afterward. I had a lot going on around that difficult word. I was trying to work on that whole experience.\n\nMy name, an ordinary order, a conversation with somebody who intimidated me: those were the situations I was trying to get better at. They mattered because they were my life.\n\n",
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      "id": "my-rule-about-pushing-through-a-block",
      "heading": "My rule about pushing through a block",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#my-rule-about-pushing-through-a-block",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## My rule about pushing through a block\n\nI have been firm about this: never push through a block. In my recording about it, I said:\n\n> This philosophy to never push through a block, it's firm and concrete.\n\nI was thinking about more than getting that one word out. I knew how I felt after forcing a block, and how I could keep replaying it afterward. I wanted to carry my speech into the next conversation too.\n\n> Don't sacrifice the fluency for the rest of the day. Don't take away your chance to have good speech in the next conversation or later on that day by pushing through a block.\n\nThat quotation records how firmly I spoke about it. I want to make the scope clear now: forcing a block could leave me upset and replaying it, sometimes for the rest of the day. It does not follow that a block makes later good speech impossible for you. Getting your message across still matters, including when it takes a block to say it. My preference for substitution applies when another word keeps the meaning accurate.\n\n",
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      "id": "what-i-said-i-would-rather-do",
      "heading": "What I said I would rather do",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#what-i-said-i-would-rather-do",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What I said I would rather do\n\n> See, I would rather word substitute and say a different word, a word that I can maybe say without blocking instead of blocking on a word and forcing it out.\n\nThat is behind [my preference for another word](/word-substitution-and-stuttering). I want to express myself and get my thought out. In that explanation, I was clear about the choice I preferred.\n\nI've stated an exception: a true emergency when I had to tell authorities something. I've also said that some situations require my real name, and that I may have to say a particular word for a doctor. A [name used to call out a coffee order](/using-an-easier-name-when-you-stutter) is a choice I have discussed separately.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "80ac5396562449d8a411a4eca89ef273dc05f12f3906dd10ddbccc261cf5c500"
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      "id": "related-answers",
      "heading": "Related answers",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-blocks#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [What did expecting a stutter feel like for me?](/stuttering-anticipation)\n",
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      "id": "never-push-through-a-block",
      "title": "NEVER PUSH THROUGH A BLOCK",
      "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/never-push-through-a-block",
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