# What hurt when people mistook my stutter for who I was?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

My sister once heard me on the phone and thought I was being rude. I was relieved I hadn't blocked. That difference stayed with me.

## The call I was trying to make

I was in high school. I had met a girl through a friend, and she’d given me her phone number on a piece of paper. One afternoon I called it.

A deep voice answered. I thought it must be her dad, and I was scared. I wanted to make a polite request to speak with her. What came out was her name, with repetitions, and please.

She wasn’t available, and I declined to leave a message. I wanted to, but I didn’t feel I could get through it without embarrassing myself. Sometimes you just get plain tired of feeling embarrassed.

My sister overheard that and thought I was rude. What she heard and what I was going through were very different. I had wanted to say the whole request, and I was just glad I hadn't blocked.

## Why that example matters to me

It was an ordinary phone call to somebody I wanted to talk to. In my head, it had become a frightening speaking moment before I could get the request out.

When I talk about how much could be going on around a few words, that is one of the experiences I mean. I knew what I wanted to say. The words the other person heard didn't carry the whole story.

## What an old friend told me years later

I had a friend from a summer camp who lived out of town. We stayed in touch, and I asked her to my junior-year prom. We were always just friends.

Years later, I got back in touch with her in New York. By then, my fluency had improved so much that I felt like a different person. We hung out, and the subject of my stutter came up.

She told me she and her friends hadn’t known I stuttered. They had thought I was a little mentally slow.

## Related answers

- [How do I prepare myself before a difficult phone call?](/stuttering-phone-calls)
- [What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering?](/talking-to-family-about-stuttering)
- [Why was saying my name so hard for me?](/stutter-saying-your-name)

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