Craig Coffeehttps://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-your-partner-about-stuttering# What have I said about talking to a partner about difficult speech? By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee) I asked Don whether he talked with his girlfriend about his speech. Had it ever come up? He said they had touched on it several times. I thought that was a good thing. I told him that, around the people you are really close with, it is okay to share when something goes well and when it doesn't. ## He wanted her to know and still see him as capable Don said he didn't want to hide it from his girlfriend. He also said he would not want support to make him feel as though he wasn't capable. He gave the example of someone speaking for her husband, then said he was sure his girlfriend was not doing that. I responded to the kindness I knew in him and the person she liked. His concern about how he wanted to be seen remained part of the exchange. This was a conversation about sharing life with somebody close. It was more specific than simply asking whether to tell a stranger about a stutter. ## Why I care about having someone to talk with In my own life, I could be standing with friends and still have a lot of things I wanted to say that stayed in my head. I could go home carrying humiliation that nobody had seen. I have said I would have loved a big brother who had gone through the same thing. The fluency help would have mattered, but so would having someone who understood the loneliness. I wanted somebody who could sit with me or talk on the phone and hear what the day had actually been like. ## There is more to share than difficult speech When I described what helped me later, I talked about learning to talk more and having relationships. You can ask someone how something went since the last conversation. They can ask about your life. There is joy in sharing those things. That is part of the life I wanted. Speaking about a hard day can have a place in it. So can telling somebody something went well. ## How this relates to my view of a preamble I have spoken strongly about disliking the habitual explanation I once gave before an ordinary conversation. It made me feel small and timid. That was my experience of starting that way. The exchange with Don was about a person who knew him and shared his life. I asked whether they had talked about speech, welcomed the fact that they had, and said that both good and difficult experiences could be shared. [My account of the preamble](/telling-people-you-stutter) and this relationship discussion belong in their own settings. The words I gave Don here were about closeness and being able to speak openly with someone important to him. ## Related answers - [What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering?](/talking-to-family-about-stuttering) - [How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating?](/dating-with-a-stutter) [Find your question](/questions)

I asked Don whether he talked with his girlfriend about his speech. Had it ever come up? He said they had touched on it several times. I thought that was a good thing. I told him that, around the people you are really close with, it is okay to share when something goes well and when it doesn't.

## He wanted her to know and still see him as capable Don said he didn't want to hide it from his girlfriend. He also said he would not want support to make him feel as though he wasn't capable. He gave the example of someone speaking for her husband, then said he was sure his girlfriend was not doing that. I responded to the kindness I knew in him and the person she liked. His concern about how he wanted to be seen remained part of the exchange. This was a conversation about sharing life with somebody close. It was more specific than simply asking whether to tell a stranger about a stutter.

## Why I care about having someone to talk with In my own life, I could be standing with friends and still have a lot of things I wanted to say that stayed in my head. I could go home carrying humiliation that nobody had seen. I have said I would have loved a big brother who had gone through the same thing. The fluency help would have mattered, but so would having someone who understood the loneliness. I wanted somebody who could sit with me or talk on the phone and hear what the day had actually been like.

## There is more to share than difficult speech When I described what helped me later, I talked about learning to talk more and having relationships. You can ask someone how something went since the last conversation. They can ask about your life. There is joy in sharing those things. That is part of the life I wanted. Speaking about a hard day can have a place in it. So can telling somebody something went well.

## How this relates to my view of a preamble I have spoken strongly about disliking the habitual explanation I once gave before an ordinary conversation. It made me feel small and timid. That was my experience of starting that way. The exchange with Don was about a person who knew him and shared his life. I asked whether they had talked about speech, welcomed the fact that they had, and said that both good and difficult experiences could be shared. [My account of the preamble](/telling-people-you-stutter) and this relationship discussion belong in their own settings. The words I gave Don here were about closeness and being able to speak openly with someone important to him.