# What did looking in the mirror have to do with my speaking journey?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

I could look in a mirror and check my hair, my clothes or my face without really looking myself in the eyes. I was good at finding something I didn't like.

The mirror practice I learned from Louise Hay asked me to do something different: look into my own eyes and speak to myself with kindness. That was unfamiliar to me after years of being so harsh about my speech.

## What did I say?

I described phrases such as “I love myself,” “I'm worthy of love” and “I forgive myself.” They can look easy written down. For me, saying them and trying to mean them was the work.

I wanted to be able to look at the person in the mirror with something other than criticism. I wanted a different relationship with myself after all those difficult speaking moments.

In my dictated notes, I described spending twenty minutes daily looking in the mirror. I was working on how I treated myself after years of shame and harsh self-talk.

## A huge positive statement wasn't always where I could start

In the self-talk explanation, I described needing to be happy enough with myself to believe something positive. Otherwise, I could say the words and immediately reject them.

My early phrase was, “It's too early in the day to hate yourself.” I used it even late at night. It was a crutch, something more neutral that interrupted the criticism I was already giving myself.

I also said I could feel a little better about having committed to work on my speech. My speech didn't have to be where I wanted it yet for that commitment to be real.

## Forgiveness had a place of its own

In another video, I suggested writing a sentence of forgiveness with your own name in it. I gave the example, “I, Craig Coffey, forgive myself,” and suggested writing it ten times. I said it did not have to become a daily task.

That was a separate suggestion. [The kindness article](/being-kind-to-yourself-after-stuttering) includes it alongside the things I said about making room for enjoyment.

## Where the mirror belonged in the larger work

I credit Louise Hay for the mirror practice. I found ideas from people outside the stuttering world and tried to understand what I could use in my life.

I was also going out, speaking, struggling and practicing. The mirror gave me a place to work on how I treated myself. It did not replace the real conversations I wanted to be able to have.

[My self-talk work](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering), the mirror and the actual practice all belong to that history. I was trying to stop turning every difficulty into another attack on the person who was already working hard.

## Related answers

- [What counts as a small speaking success?](/small-speaking-successes)

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