Craig Coffeehttps://usedtostutter.com/telling-people-you-stutter# Why did I stop starting conversations by explaining my stutter? By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee) I tried starting conversations by telling people I stuttered. I wanted the explanation to make the conversation go better. In my experience, it did the opposite of what I wanted inside me: I felt small, timid and meek. That is the experience behind “don't preamble.” I felt almost as if I had to ask permission to let somebody know I was going to stutter before I spoke. ## What I felt when I used it I said that I felt judged. Nobody announced that they were judging me. I was describing what I thought I read in the interaction and how it made me feel. I wanted to put my effort into working on my speech and being able to enter the conversation. I disliked making the speech difficulty my usual opening. In the ordinary conversations I show, I usually start with a comment or question about something in front of us. The person can respond. I can listen and [work from the answer](/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter). ## I also described mentioning it in the moment In the same explanation, I asked whether someone could say something about their speech when it was particularly difficult in the moment. My answer was, “Of course.” That qualification belongs beside the strong preference I expressed. I was describing what my habitual preamble did to me and how I wanted to start ordinary conversations. ## I explained it when I needed a practical choice When I moved and needed to change my cell phone number, I went into a store and asked whether I could choose from the available numbers because I stuttered. The person said that wasn't normally allowed but understood and let me look at some choices. [I selected my actual new number](/saying-your-phone-number-when-you-stutter). That explanation had a particular job: I was asking for a choice that would help with something I had to say repeatedly. ## Don described another experience In an older call, Don told me about a stressful traffic stop. He said he explained to the officer that he sometimes got stuck on words. Don reported that the officer then became more relaxed and nicer toward him. That was Don's experience as he described it. It belongs here because it is a specific example of someone explaining difficulty during an interaction and reporting that the response improved. ## Talking with someone close has its own purpose I asked Don whether he had talked with his girlfriend about his speech. He said they had touched on it several times. I said that, around people you are close with, it is okay to share when things go well and when they don't. He wanted her to know, while still wanting to be seen as capable. We talked about that too. [The relationship discussion](/talking-to-your-partner-about-stuttering) concerns somebody who shares his life. My preference for an ordinary opening remains clear: I wanted to get into the conversation and use my voice without routinely introducing the thing I feared first. These other accounts keep the actual settings visible around that preference. ## Related answers - [Why did I stop defining myself as a stutterer?](/stuttering-and-identity) [Find your question](/questions)

I tried starting conversations by telling people I stuttered. I wanted the explanation to make the conversation go better. In my experience, it did the opposite of what I wanted inside me: I felt small, timid and meek. That is the experience behind “don't preamble.” I felt almost as if I had to ask permission to let somebody know I was going to stutter before I spoke.

## What I felt when I used it I said that I felt judged. Nobody announced that they were judging me. I was describing what I thought I read in the interaction and how it made me feel. I wanted to put my effort into working on my speech and being able to enter the conversation. I disliked making the speech difficulty my usual opening. In the ordinary conversations I show, I usually start with a comment or question about something in front of us. The person can respond. I can listen and [work from the answer](/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter).

## I also described mentioning it in the moment In the same explanation, I asked whether someone could say something about their speech when it was particularly difficult in the moment. My answer was, “Of course.” That qualification belongs beside the strong preference I expressed. I was describing what my habitual preamble did to me and how I wanted to start ordinary conversations.

## I explained it when I needed a practical choice When I moved and needed to change my cell phone number, I went into a store and asked whether I could choose from the available numbers because I stuttered. The person said that wasn't normally allowed but understood and let me look at some choices. [I selected my actual new number](/saying-your-phone-number-when-you-stutter). That explanation had a particular job: I was asking for a choice that would help with something I had to say repeatedly.

## Don described another experience In an older call, Don told me about a stressful traffic stop. He said he explained to the officer that he sometimes got stuck on words. Don reported that the officer then became more relaxed and nicer toward him. That was Don's experience as he described it. It belongs here because it is a specific example of someone explaining difficulty during an interaction and reporting that the response improved.

## Talking with someone close has its own purpose I asked Don whether he had talked with his girlfriend about his speech. He said they had touched on it several times. I said that, around people you are close with, it is okay to share when things go well and when they don't. He wanted her to know, while still wanting to be seen as capable. We talked about that too. [The relationship discussion](/talking-to-your-partner-about-stuttering) concerns somebody who shares his life. My preference for an ordinary opening remains clear: I wanted to get into the conversation and use my voice without routinely introducing the thing I feared first. These other accounts keep the actual settings visible around that preference.