{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-053",
  "title": "What do I ask when someone says their mind goes blank in a conversation?",
  "topic": "Anticipation, preparation and the listener",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
  },
  "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking",
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  "content_kind": "author_published_article",
  "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material",
  "source_sha256": "960d34e11b103b7144452e9dbfb1d7a204c5d27ee4894acc53da49bac7dcaa99",
  "source_markdown": "# What do I ask when someone says their mind goes blank in a conversation?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nFirst I want to know what the person means by a block. In one conversation, someone was describing something like a writer's block: he was nervous, it was his turn to speak, and he didn't know what to say next.\n\nI asked for a specific example. He mentioned an interview or speaking with someone while nervous. Then I asked what was happening in his mind before the moment when he couldn't find what to say.\n\nThat distinction mattered to what I was trying to explain. We were talking about not knowing what to say next, rather than knowing a word and struggling to get it out.\n\n## What I thought might be happening\n\nI said I thought he might not be present for the conversation. While the other person spoke, he might be thinking about future difficulty, whether he would stutter, and what could go wrong. Then his turn would come without much of the conversation available to respond to.\n\nThat was my interpretation of the experience he described. I knew what it was like to spend another person's turn preparing mine.\n\n## The explanation needed repeating\n\nDuring that exchange, he said he was trying to open his camera and had missed part of what I said. He then tried to describe the advice back to me as not thinking about what to say.\n\nI corrected that. I said, “What you need to do is shut the fuck up and listen to what they say and focus on their words and think about what they're saying.”\n\nHe next described something like mirroring. I corrected that description too. I wanted him to listen to the actual words and their meaning.\n\n## The cashier example\n\nI used a simple situation: talking to a cashier in a store. I described watching the person's mouth move while they spoke and concentrating on the words. That had given my mind something to do other than planning my own next words.\n\nWhat did the person actually say? What did they mean? Their answer could give me something to respond to, but I needed to hear it.\n\nFor me, letting that happen took practice. I had spent years trying to control what would come next. I could be physically in the conversation while hardly listening to it.\n\n## What question does this exchange answer?\n\nIt shows how I responded to one person who described losing what to say while nervous. I asked about the moment before it happened, offered my interpretation, and tried to make the listening instruction clearer when it was misunderstood.\n\nThe central action was [listening to the conversation](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech). I was not asking him to stop thinking altogether. I was asking him to think about what the other person was saying.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [What did a stuttering block feel like for me?](/stuttering-blocks)\n- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)\n- [How can I prepare without scripting every word?](/preparing-without-scripting)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
  "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking",
  "sections": [
    {
      "id": "reading-content",
      "heading": null,
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      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#reading-content",
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      "source_markdown": "First I want to know what the person means by a block. In one conversation, someone was describing something like a writer's block: he was nervous, it was his turn to speak, and he didn't know what to say next.\n\nI asked for a specific example. He mentioned an interview or speaking with someone while nervous. Then I asked what was happening in his mind before the moment when he couldn't find what to say.\n\nThat distinction mattered to what I was trying to explain. We were talking about not knowing what to say next, rather than knowing a word and struggling to get it out.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "35e1836fa46199a124da8276f6abfd274a6d063738d4ffc843b22d0d808c2b6c"
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    {
      "id": "what-i-thought-might-be-happening",
      "heading": "What I thought might be happening",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#what-i-thought-might-be-happening",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What I thought might be happening\n\nI said I thought he might not be present for the conversation. While the other person spoke, he might be thinking about future difficulty, whether he would stutter, and what could go wrong. Then his turn would come without much of the conversation available to respond to.\n\nThat was my interpretation of the experience he described. I knew what it was like to spend another person's turn preparing mine.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "6338e590c3f382a1f6efd68c2009b2e0055b0147ff968b3c6f9377ad5f86141a"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-explanation-needed-repeating",
      "heading": "The explanation needed repeating",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#the-explanation-needed-repeating",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The explanation needed repeating\n\nDuring that exchange, he said he was trying to open his camera and had missed part of what I said. He then tried to describe the advice back to me as not thinking about what to say.\n\nI corrected that. I said, “What you need to do is shut the fuck up and listen to what they say and focus on their words and think about what they're saying.”\n\nHe next described something like mirroring. I corrected that description too. I wanted him to listen to the actual words and their meaning.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "5e134cd6c622517d505e051c80b731e7e6853c944d5445b9872e1392a72c57f3"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-cashier-example",
      "heading": "The cashier example",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#the-cashier-example",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The cashier example\n\nI used a simple situation: talking to a cashier in a store. I described watching the person's mouth move while they spoke and concentrating on the words. That had given my mind something to do other than planning my own next words.\n\nWhat did the person actually say? What did they mean? Their answer could give me something to respond to, but I needed to hear it.\n\nFor me, letting that happen took practice. I had spent years trying to control what would come next. I could be physically in the conversation while hardly listening to it.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "8dfa71f65818164bdf7de7e68a3378c2951f37a06ce6de6dd4813380eee6f86b"
    },
    {
      "id": "what-question-does-this-exchange-answer",
      "heading": "What question does this exchange answer?",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#what-question-does-this-exchange-answer",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What question does this exchange answer?\n\nIt shows how I responded to one person who described losing what to say while nervous. I asked about the moment before it happened, offered my interpretation, and tried to make the listening instruction clearer when it was misunderstood.\n\nThe central action was [listening to the conversation](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech). I was not asking him to stop thinking altogether. I was asking him to think about what the other person was saying.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "650ebda76bfe6a008382ac3c7e53dfa3eb1aaf6dfd63d9801d2e79a951b956d0"
    },
    {
      "id": "related-answers",
      "heading": "Related answers",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/losing-your-train-of-thought-when-speaking#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [What did a stuttering block feel like for me?](/stuttering-blocks)\n- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)\n- [How can I prepare without scripting every word?](/preparing-without-scripting)\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "6a65d7909c8981a446f97b9bf48cfa862bcec3cb35a008fe9144dd88a0064ea1"
    }
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  "related_book_sections": [
    {
      "id": "shut-up-and-listen",
      "title": "SHUT UP AND LISTEN",
      "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/shut-up-and-listen",
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