Craig Coffeehttps://usedtostutter.com/acceptance-and-stuttering# Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency? By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee) I had to have hope. I wanted to believe I could have a different life with my speech, and I was willing to work for it. ## What I meant when I argued about acceptance When someone asked me about accepting my stutter, I explained how I was hearing that word: stuttering is part of you, it isn't changeable, so accept it. I called that “rat poison for fluency.” That is how strongly I felt about telling myself my future couldn't change. For me, living with no hope felt like imprisonment. I did not want to make that the story I told myself about the rest of my life. ## I was still going to stutter while I worked When I came back from [the trip where my speech had improved temporarily](/stuttering-in-different-languages), I kept asking what had happened. The improvement hadn't lasted. I thought I might still be stuttering for years. I didn't know how long. I could stutter and stay where I was, or I could stutter and [try to get better](/practicing-while-you-still-stutter). That was the choice I made. I wasn't looking for a quick fix. I wanted something sustainable. [Thinking of myself as someone working on his fluency](/stuttering-and-identity) gave that work a place in how I saw myself. I kept the change in my own head. It gave me a little hope. ## What did I say to someone who saw acceptance differently? In one call, the other person said that accepting his stutter helped him. He thought he might stutter more without that acceptance. I explained that I knew I had a stutter too. What I had accepted was that I was going to work on it. I thought I might be stuttering for three years, five years, who knew how long. I might as well work on it while I was going through it. I told him, “I respect where you are on yours.” My position was still strong. I wanted hope that my speech could change, and I wanted to work for that change. ## The choice belongs to you I've also said that you and I can be friends whichever way you choose. The choice is yours. What I can explain is the choice I made and the work I put into it. ## What “living with it” meant in another person’s account Crimson told me that his interpretation of a fellow officer's words had changed. The officer said he had learned to live with his stutter. At first, Crimson didn't like that answer. He wanted the stutter out of his life. Later, Crimson understood the officer to mean living with it while keeping it under control. He also valued knowing he wasn't the only officer who stuttered. That was the meaning he was explaining to me. I replied, “Now, I'm showing you just my way, but there's like a lot of ways, right?” I happen to like my way. I can tell you why it mattered to me, and I can hear what somebody else means when they use those words. ## Related answers - [What does fluency mean to me?](/what-fluency-means) [Find your question](/questions)

I had to have hope. I wanted to believe I could have a different life with my speech, and I was willing to work for it.

## What I meant when I argued about acceptance When someone asked me about accepting my stutter, I explained how I was hearing that word: stuttering is part of you, it isn't changeable, so accept it. I called that “rat poison for fluency.” That is how strongly I felt about telling myself my future couldn't change. For me, living with no hope felt like imprisonment. I did not want to make that the story I told myself about the rest of my life.

## I was still going to stutter while I worked When I came back from [the trip where my speech had improved temporarily](/stuttering-in-different-languages), I kept asking what had happened. The improvement hadn't lasted. I thought I might still be stuttering for years. I didn't know how long. I could stutter and stay where I was, or I could stutter and [try to get better](/practicing-while-you-still-stutter). That was the choice I made. I wasn't looking for a quick fix. I wanted something sustainable. [Thinking of myself as someone working on his fluency](/stuttering-and-identity) gave that work a place in how I saw myself. I kept the change in my own head. It gave me a little hope.

## What did I say to someone who saw acceptance differently? In one call, the other person said that accepting his stutter helped him. He thought he might stutter more without that acceptance. I explained that I knew I had a stutter too. What I had accepted was that I was going to work on it. I thought I might be stuttering for three years, five years, who knew how long. I might as well work on it while I was going through it. I told him, “I respect where you are on yours.” My position was still strong. I wanted hope that my speech could change, and I wanted to work for that change.

## The choice belongs to you I've also said that you and I can be friends whichever way you choose. The choice is yours. What I can explain is the choice I made and the work I put into it.

## What “living with it” meant in another person’s account Crimson told me that his interpretation of a fellow officer's words had changed. The officer said he had learned to live with his stutter. At first, Crimson didn't like that answer. He wanted the stutter out of his life. Later, Crimson understood the officer to mean living with it while keeping it under control. He also valued knowing he wasn't the only officer who stuttered. That was the meaning he was explaining to me. I replied, “Now, I'm showing you just my way, but there's like a lot of ways, right?” I happen to like my way. I can tell you why it mattered to me, and I can hear what somebody else means when they use those words.