# How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

It affected whether I approached somebody, what I could say once we were talking, and even what I ordered. One afternoon in college gave me all of that in the same experience.

## The invitation went well

I was at the University of Florida during Summer B. There were fewer students around, and that felt more comfortable to me. I saw a girl walking alone. I hadn't seen her before that day, and my confidence was pretty high.

So I approached her. I managed to ask fluently if she wanted to get ice cream with me at the Ben and Jerry's across from campus.

## Then we had to have the conversation

I struggled with the basic details people talk about. My hometown. My major. The fraternity I was part of. I got the invitation out. Then I was stuttering through those ordinary things about myself.

I ate chocolate ice cream that day because I stuttered more on the word vanilla. [Vanilla was what I really wanted.](/ordering-food-when-you-stutter)

## How the date ended

The ice-cream date was short, and we had very little in common. What I focused on was my fluency and struggling to say the basics to a complete stranger.

If I was grading the date, I’d say A for effort and D for fluency. But aren’t we always harder on ourselves?

## What was I still learning?

That was a step in my process. I was gaining confidence, but I didn't fully understand how to maintain my fluency, how my emotional state came into it, or how to [speak spontaneously](/preparing-without-scripting). Those were things I still had to figure out.

The invitation was one part of that afternoon. Saying my hometown and major, keeping the conversation going, and ordering the ice cream I wanted were parts of it too. That's why this story stayed with me.

## Related answers

- [How do I start a conversation when I stutter?](/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter)
- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)
- [How did I hide how hard speaking was for me?](/covert-stuttering-avoidance)

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