{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-039",
  "title": "How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating?",
  "topic": "Work, school and relationships",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
  },
  "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter",
  "access": "public",
  "content_kind": "author_published_article",
  "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material",
  "source_sha256": "10737ddd302c36f838e324745d9466fcae9f59b0cfac5fed577da209e3e4231d",
  "source_markdown": "# How did stuttering affect the way I thought about dating?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nIt affected whether I approached somebody, what I could say once we were talking, and even what I ordered. One afternoon in college gave me all of that in the same experience.\n\n## The invitation went well\n\nI was at the University of Florida during Summer B. There were fewer students around, and that felt more comfortable to me. I saw a girl walking alone. I hadn't seen her before that day, and my confidence was pretty high.\n\nSo I approached her. I managed to ask fluently if she wanted to get ice cream with me at the Ben and Jerry's across from campus.\n\n## Then we had to have the conversation\n\nI struggled with the basic details people talk about. My hometown. My major. The fraternity I was part of. I got the invitation out. Then I was stuttering through those ordinary things about myself.\n\nI ate chocolate ice cream that day because I stuttered more on the word vanilla. [Vanilla was what I really wanted.](/ordering-food-when-you-stutter)\n\n## How the date ended\n\nThe ice-cream date was short, and we had very little in common. What I focused on was my fluency and struggling to say the basics to a complete stranger.\n\nIf I was grading the date, I’d say A for effort and D for fluency. But aren’t we always harder on ourselves?\n\n## What was I still learning?\n\nThat was a step in my process. I was gaining confidence, but I didn't fully understand how to maintain my fluency, how my emotional state came into it, or how to [speak spontaneously](/preparing-without-scripting). Those were things I still had to figure out.\n\nThe invitation was one part of that afternoon. Saying my hometown and major, keeping the conversation going, and ordering the ice cream I wanted were parts of it too. That's why this story stayed with me.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [How do I start a conversation when I stutter?](/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter)\n- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)\n- [How did I hide how hard speaking was for me?](/covert-stuttering-avoidance)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
  "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter",
  "sections": [
    {
      "id": "reading-content",
      "heading": null,
      "heading_level": null,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#reading-content",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "It affected whether I approached somebody, what I could say once we were talking, and even what I ordered. One afternoon in college gave me all of that in the same experience.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "8df7171981c2e2384bd154c1cc25a4c874dda635d6601ab3e8238c277b68f241"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-invitation-went-well",
      "heading": "The invitation went well",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#the-invitation-went-well",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The invitation went well\n\nI was at the University of Florida during Summer B. There were fewer students around, and that felt more comfortable to me. I saw a girl walking alone. I hadn't seen her before that day, and my confidence was pretty high.\n\nSo I approached her. I managed to ask fluently if she wanted to get ice cream with me at the Ben and Jerry's across from campus.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "bf8988ed8f85c9dc79012512ee3f322ec38d401cb06124243ba7eab74ebf7655"
    },
    {
      "id": "then-we-had-to-have-the-conversation",
      "heading": "Then we had to have the conversation",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#then-we-had-to-have-the-conversation",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## Then we had to have the conversation\n\nI struggled with the basic details people talk about. My hometown. My major. The fraternity I was part of. I got the invitation out. Then I was stuttering through those ordinary things about myself.\n\nI ate chocolate ice cream that day because I stuttered more on the word vanilla. [Vanilla was what I really wanted.](/ordering-food-when-you-stutter)\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "34af4c9584d258d09b1d7913cd7be29bba63c6434896a5889d98cb086e66cf2c"
    },
    {
      "id": "how-the-date-ended",
      "heading": "How the date ended",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#how-the-date-ended",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## How the date ended\n\nThe ice-cream date was short, and we had very little in common. What I focused on was my fluency and struggling to say the basics to a complete stranger.\n\nIf I was grading the date, I’d say A for effort and D for fluency. But aren’t we always harder on ourselves?\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "1eff4dd2f5d45360d2598285eaa06e21ff3412ce59f96226c95e15819399bfde"
    },
    {
      "id": "what-was-i-still-learning",
      "heading": "What was I still learning?",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#what-was-i-still-learning",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What was I still learning?\n\nThat was a step in my process. I was gaining confidence, but I didn't fully understand how to maintain my fluency, how my emotional state came into it, or how to [speak spontaneously](/preparing-without-scripting). Those were things I still had to figure out.\n\nThe invitation was one part of that afternoon. Saying my hometown and major, keeping the conversation going, and ordering the ice cream I wanted were parts of it too. That's why this story stayed with me.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "0813f4c878954d0b13748066c3b8d1b2e73b77d44525f26cd4d05319debbcd98"
    },
    {
      "id": "related-answers",
      "heading": "Related answers",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/dating-with-a-stutter#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [How do I start a conversation when I stutter?](/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter)\n- [What do I say after the other person answers?](/following-up-in-a-conversation)\n- [How did I hide how hard speaking was for me?](/covert-stuttering-avoidance)\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "051bfb65f11f31c72f2ea06db953b09799fab8becd4141f0847ad81e170bc16b"
    }
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  "related_book_sections": []
}