{ "schema_version": "1.0", "id": "CC-035", "title": "What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering?", "topic": "Work, school and relationships", "author": { "name": "Craig Coffee", "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person" }, "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering", "access": "public", "content_kind": "author_published_article", "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material", "source_sha256": "3c6ab53458df6007723f9a762b15e03519729b8e4e8d572cf172cddf1ed5543e", "source_markdown": "# What did I wish my family understood about my stuttering?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nI wanted my family to understand the pain that kept going after the speaking moment. They could hear me stutter. They didn't hear everything I was saying to myself afterward.\n\nI could come home from school after being humiliated and carry it into bed that night. I could be with friends, wanting to say something, and stay quiet. There was a lot of life happening inside my head that my parents and sister did not see.\n\n## The day in the driveway\n\nI was about 14 and had a hard appointment with a new speech therapist. She had me making calls. I had done that before, but this session was especially difficult and I felt pushed harder than I wanted to be.\n\nMy mother picked me up. I was crying on the drive home and telling her how bad it had felt. When we reached our driveway, I was still crying. She told me that this was something I would have to deal with and that my sister had things of her own to work on.\n\nI remember the exact spot where I stood. What I wanted was a hug and to hear that it would be okay. I experienced that moment as tough love when I felt at my lowest.\n\nThat was also when I made the promise I describe in my story: if I found a way through my stuttering, I wanted to help other people who stuttered. It took me a long time. The feeling of that day stayed with me.\n\n## When my dad said “relax”\n\nI used to hear that from my father. I have written that it made my speech worse. I wanted him to understand what was happening for me and be more accepting of what I was going through.\n\nI also wrote that I thought he was doing what he felt was right. I questioned my own interpretation: perhaps I was exaggerating, perhaps I was wrong about what he thought. I couldn't know everything he felt inside.\n\nWhat I can describe is how I experienced it. I felt less favored, and it hurt. I said it made me want to be more patient, more understanding and more helpful toward other people.\n\n## What kind of support did I want?\n\nI would have loved someone to help me unpack the day. What happened? Why was it still in my head? What had it felt like when I wanted to join in and didn't dare?\n\nI have said I wished for a big brother who had gone through this. The speech help mattered, and so did the loneliness. I wanted to feel that someone understood the life around those difficult words.\n\nLater, in a conversation about a relationship, I said it was okay to share both good and bad experiences with somebody close. [That kind of conversation](/talking-to-your-partner-about-stuttering) had another purpose from the preamble I disliked giving to strangers.\n\nWhen I talk about what I wanted from family, I mean comfort, interest and somebody willing to hear more of what I was carrying. Those are the experiences behind the way I speak about support now.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering?](/being-kind-to-yourself-after-stuttering)\n- [What was reading aloud in class like for me?](/reading-aloud-in-front-of-people)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n", "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering", "sections": [ { "id": "reading-content", "heading": null, "heading_level": null, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering#reading-content", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "I wanted my family to understand the pain that kept going after the speaking moment. They could hear me stutter. They didn't hear everything I was saying to myself afterward.\n\nI could come home from school after being humiliated and carry it into bed that night. I could be with friends, wanting to say something, and stay quiet. There was a lot of life happening inside my head that my parents and sister did not see.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "155c32a3c51f85b3a8fd99762bcf2195dc05f40b488eee1200e8331747a85e4b" }, { "id": "the-day-in-the-driveway", "heading": "The day in the driveway", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering#the-day-in-the-driveway", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## The day in the driveway\n\nI was about 14 and had a hard appointment with a new speech therapist. She had me making calls. I had done that before, but this session was especially difficult and I felt pushed harder than I wanted to be.\n\nMy mother picked me up. I was crying on the drive home and telling her how bad it had felt. When we reached our driveway, I was still crying. She told me that this was something I would have to deal with and that my sister had things of her own to work on.\n\nI remember the exact spot where I stood. What I wanted was a hug and to hear that it would be okay. I experienced that moment as tough love when I felt at my lowest.\n\nThat was also when I made the promise I describe in my story: if I found a way through my stuttering, I wanted to help other people who stuttered. It took me a long time. The feeling of that day stayed with me.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "8a0d68f0cc9ead2567c2b5f6181df2ec1bdf5a3834f571d5bdbac77328d09925" }, { "id": "when-my-dad-said-relax", "heading": "When my dad said “relax”", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering#when-my-dad-said-relax", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## When my dad said “relax”\n\nI used to hear that from my father. I have written that it made my speech worse. I wanted him to understand what was happening for me and be more accepting of what I was going through.\n\nI also wrote that I thought he was doing what he felt was right. I questioned my own interpretation: perhaps I was exaggerating, perhaps I was wrong about what he thought. I couldn't know everything he felt inside.\n\nWhat I can describe is how I experienced it. I felt less favored, and it hurt. I said it made me want to be more patient, more understanding and more helpful toward other people.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "4d0b946d7ecc76a552d2874872f14facdfcc4a31ff5e09a7a9742da5404b46e9" }, { "id": "what-kind-of-support-did-i-want", "heading": "What kind of support did I want?", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering#what-kind-of-support-did-i-want", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## What kind of support did I want?\n\nI would have loved someone to help me unpack the day. What happened? Why was it still in my head? What had it felt like when I wanted to join in and didn't dare?\n\nI have said I wished for a big brother who had gone through this. The speech help mattered, and so did the loneliness. I wanted to feel that someone understood the life around those difficult words.\n\nLater, in a conversation about a relationship, I said it was okay to share both good and bad experiences with somebody close. [That kind of conversation](/talking-to-your-partner-about-stuttering) had another purpose from the preamble I disliked giving to strangers.\n\nWhen I talk about what I wanted from family, I mean comfort, interest and somebody willing to hear more of what I was carrying. Those are the experiences behind the way I speak about support now.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "22c5ac33a7dc8965541fd3c27c4b3e650d6eea829a6da381bef9ba6a2f304359" }, { "id": "related-answers", "heading": "Related answers", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/talking-to-family-about-stuttering#related-answers", "role": "navigation", "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [How did I learn to be kinder to myself after stuttering?](/being-kind-to-yourself-after-stuttering)\n- [What was reading aloud in class like for me?](/reading-aloud-in-front-of-people)\n", "source_span_sha256": "bb6a4fe3fdc29845df0a119812988ca61ff2380d9cdb02aa34738478e6793c09" } ], "related_book_sections": [ { "id": "my-parents-driveway", "title": "MY PARENTS' DRIVEWAY", "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/my-parents-driveway", "formats": { "json": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/my-parents-driveway.json", "xml": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/my-parents-driveway.xml", "md": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/my-parents-driveway.md", "txt": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/my-parents-driveway.txt" } }, { "id": "the-people-closest-to-you", "title": "THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO YOU", "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/the-people-closest-to-you", "formats": { "json": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/the-people-closest-to-you.json", "xml": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/the-people-closest-to-you.xml", "md": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/the-people-closest-to-you.md", "txt": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/the-people-closest-to-you.txt" } } ] }