# What does fluency mean to me?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

For me, the goal was to talk without a lot of hardship. I had lived with hardship while talking for so long.

I wanted to say what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom I wanted. To talk to someone, make a call, [say my name](/stutter-saying-your-name), or take an opportunity without my speech deciding so much of my life.

## I used to wish to be normal

As a kid, I kept making the same birthday wish. Everybody was gathered around, and I would close my eyes and wish to be normal. What I meant was my speech.

I also wanted to stop constantly worrying about the next word I would have to say. I wanted the pressure out of my chest. Please God, just let me be normal. That is how I used to think about it.

Looking back, I would have wished for increased fluency. People think and worry about all kinds of things. There isn't one normal life I had to turn myself into. I wanted to speak more freely and have less of my day swallowed up by the speech.

## The change I wanted in my life

[Work](/jobs-for-people-who-stutter), friends, dates, ordering food: those were the situations I cared about. I wanted to be able to take part. That was the point of the speaking work for me.

I've asked what a little more fluency would change in someone's life. What would improvement mean to you, even while you still stuttered? I wanted as much as I could get. I also want an improvement that makes you happy.

## What I mean when I talk about my speech now

I have said that I am fluent and that I still work on myself. I care about having high confidence in my speech. There are also moments when [I am less smooth](/do-i-ever-stutter-now). Both are in the things I have said about my life.

I still [bring it into the next conversation](/keeping-my-speaking-practice-going). Being able to do that with much less hardship is what I spent so long working toward.

## Being able to express myself

When I explained [word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering), I said that saying what I wanted did not always have to mean saying the exact word. I had to be able to express myself.

I described a phone example where another word let me finish the sentence and get the whole thought out. Being able to say what I meant was the point of that example. I wanted to keep talking.

## One of the words I wanted to say was “no”

In a short note about seventh grade, I wrote that I couldn't yell the word “no” to stop someone from embarrassing me.

## Related answers

- [What counts as a small speaking success?](/small-speaking-successes)
- [What does a specific speaking goal look like to me?](/stuttering-therapy-goals)
- [Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency?](/acceptance-and-stuttering)

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