{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-030",
  "title": "What does fluency mean to me?",
  "topic": "Getting started and understanding my approach",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
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  "source_markdown": "# What does fluency mean to me?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nFor me, the goal was to talk without a lot of hardship. I had lived with hardship while talking for so long.\n\nI wanted to say what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom I wanted. To talk to someone, make a call, [say my name](/stutter-saying-your-name), or take an opportunity without my speech deciding so much of my life.\n\n## I used to wish to be normal\n\nAs a kid, I kept making the same birthday wish. Everybody was gathered around, and I would close my eyes and wish to be normal. What I meant was my speech.\n\nI also wanted to stop constantly worrying about the next word I would have to say. I wanted the pressure out of my chest. Please God, just let me be normal. That is how I used to think about it.\n\nLooking back, I would have wished for increased fluency. People think and worry about all kinds of things. There isn't one normal life I had to turn myself into. I wanted to speak more freely and have less of my day swallowed up by the speech.\n\n## The change I wanted in my life\n\n[Work](/jobs-for-people-who-stutter), friends, dates, ordering food: those were the situations I cared about. I wanted to be able to take part. That was the point of the speaking work for me.\n\nI've asked what a little more fluency would change in someone's life. What would improvement mean to you, even while you still stuttered? I wanted as much as I could get. I also want an improvement that makes you happy.\n\n## What I mean when I talk about my speech now\n\nI have said that I am fluent and that I still work on myself. I care about having high confidence in my speech. There are also moments when [I am less smooth](/do-i-ever-stutter-now). Both are in the things I have said about my life.\n\nI still [bring it into the next conversation](/keeping-my-speaking-practice-going). Being able to do that with much less hardship is what I spent so long working toward.\n\n## Being able to express myself\n\nWhen I explained [word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering), I said that saying what I wanted did not always have to mean saying the exact word. I had to be able to express myself.\n\nI described a phone example where another word let me finish the sentence and get the whole thought out. Being able to say what I meant was the point of that example. I wanted to keep talking.\n\n## One of the words I wanted to say was “no”\n\nIn a short note about seventh grade, I wrote that I couldn't yell the word “no” to stop someone from embarrassing me.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [What counts as a small speaking success?](/small-speaking-successes)\n- [What does a specific speaking goal look like to me?](/stuttering-therapy-goals)\n- [Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency?](/acceptance-and-stuttering)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
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      "source_markdown": "For me, the goal was to talk without a lot of hardship. I had lived with hardship while talking for so long.\n\nI wanted to say what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom I wanted. To talk to someone, make a call, [say my name](/stutter-saying-your-name), or take an opportunity without my speech deciding so much of my life.\n\n",
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      "heading": "I used to wish to be normal",
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      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/what-fluency-means#i-used-to-wish-to-be-normal",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I used to wish to be normal\n\nAs a kid, I kept making the same birthday wish. Everybody was gathered around, and I would close my eyes and wish to be normal. What I meant was my speech.\n\nI also wanted to stop constantly worrying about the next word I would have to say. I wanted the pressure out of my chest. Please God, just let me be normal. That is how I used to think about it.\n\nLooking back, I would have wished for increased fluency. People think and worry about all kinds of things. There isn't one normal life I had to turn myself into. I wanted to speak more freely and have less of my day swallowed up by the speech.\n\n",
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      "heading": "The change I wanted in my life",
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      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/what-fluency-means#the-change-i-wanted-in-my-life",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The change I wanted in my life\n\n[Work](/jobs-for-people-who-stutter), friends, dates, ordering food: those were the situations I cared about. I wanted to be able to take part. That was the point of the speaking work for me.\n\nI've asked what a little more fluency would change in someone's life. What would improvement mean to you, even while you still stuttered? I wanted as much as I could get. I also want an improvement that makes you happy.\n\n",
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      "source_markdown": "## What I mean when I talk about my speech now\n\nI have said that I am fluent and that I still work on myself. I care about having high confidence in my speech. There are also moments when [I am less smooth](/do-i-ever-stutter-now). Both are in the things I have said about my life.\n\nI still [bring it into the next conversation](/keeping-my-speaking-practice-going). Being able to do that with much less hardship is what I spent so long working toward.\n\n",
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      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## Being able to express myself\n\nWhen I explained [word substitution](/word-substitution-and-stuttering), I said that saying what I wanted did not always have to mean saying the exact word. I had to be able to express myself.\n\nI described a phone example where another word let me finish the sentence and get the whole thought out. Being able to say what I meant was the point of that example. I wanted to keep talking.\n\n",
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      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## One of the words I wanted to say was “no”\n\nIn a short note about seventh grade, I wrote that I couldn't yell the word “no” to stop someone from embarrassing me.\n\n",
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      "heading": "Related answers",
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      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/what-fluency-means#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [What counts as a small speaking success?](/small-speaking-successes)\n- [What does a specific speaking goal look like to me?](/stuttering-therapy-goals)\n- [Why did I decide to keep working on my fluency?](/acceptance-and-stuttering)\n",
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