# What counts as a small speaking success?

By [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)

Think about a time you were more fluent than you expected. What did you say to yourself when it was done?

Maybe you immediately thought, why can't I do that all the time? I asked that question in my self-talk video. Then I asked what else you had said to yourself. Was there a quieter thought, something like, “Man, I nailed that”?

## What kind of moment do I mean?

I gave examples: saying what you needed to say, giving your phone number, saying your address, or getting through a name. I even included an example where there was still a stutter and something to feel good about. I was asking you to find something small you could be excited about.

Those examples were there to help you remember your own moment. Then the next question was: how did you talk to yourself when it was done? If there was something positive in that self-talk, you could bring it back intentionally.

## What do I do with that thought?

I suggested bringing those positive comments into the start of your day. Use the words you had already said to yourself when your speech went well. Give that experience some attention.

I was also clear about [practice](/stuttering-exercises-for-adults). What worked for me was positive self-talk along with new tools in my toolbox. I was doing things to work on my speech and looking for something I could build on.

## Getting your point across can be a win

In a group call, Gloria told us about online training she had attended for her job that day. There were about ten people. The trainer asked for her name, what she did, and what she wanted to learn. She was called on first.

Her first thought was, why me? Then she unmuted. She said that, for once, she wasn't anxious, and she spoke as fluently as she could in that instance.

I asked how she felt about the experience. Did she see it positively, and why? She was happy that she hadn't felt so much anxiety. But the thing she was most content about was getting her point across, regardless of how her speech was.

I told her, “You had a win.” She had got her point across. Then I suggested thinking about that experience as she fell asleep: the positive thoughts, the experience, and how it felt.

I told her that filling my head with the good times when I spoke well was one of the things I had done myself. She had brought us a real experience from her day. That was the experience I wanted her to remember.

## A speaking memory from helping somebody else

In another group call, I asked someone to share a moment when his speech had been good. He told us about being a teaching assistant for a biology course. A freshman had come in struggling with the class.

He explained some of the material and told her his own story. He had struggled with that course too, dropped it, taken it again a year later and got a B plus. Then he had applied to be a teaching assistant.

He said he felt in the zone while teaching her and sharing that experience. I asked how his fluency had been. He said it had been good. I told him he had given us a memory of good speech and that he sounded terrific retelling it too.

That was the experience I asked him to recall before sleep and on waking. Later in the same call, he asked why some days were good and others weren't. I offered my guesses. He couldn't tell me why that day was easier. [We talked about that uncertainty too.](/why-stuttering-changes)

I have also spoken about [what happens when I start thinking about my good speech during the conversation](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech). In this exchange, I was asking him to remember a conversation that had already happened.

## Related answers

- [What can I say to myself after I stutter?](/negative-self-talk-after-stuttering)
- [Did I judge my whole day by how much I stuttered?](/judging-your-day-by-your-stutter)
- [How did I try again after an embarrassing speaking moment?](/confidence-after-bad-stuttering-day)

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