{
  "schema_version": "1.0",
  "id": "CC-013",
  "title": "Why did I have to practice in real conversations?",
  "topic": "Conversations and practice",
  "author": {
    "name": "Craig Coffee",
    "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person"
  },
  "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations",
  "access": "public",
  "content_kind": "author_published_article",
  "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material",
  "source_sha256": "95daa2cf91bd51f2acc22a72c0d28baf8e0bceb794f130bd24f3c6a99f1e1b56",
  "source_markdown": "# Why did I have to practice in real conversations?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nI wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk.\n\nI had help from kind people in speech therapy. I appreciated that. But I was still struggling when I went back into my ordinary life, and I wanted to work out what I could carry into those situations.\n\n## Another person can change the whole exchange\n\nA conversation has somebody else's words in it. I can know the subject and have a few things in mind, but I don't know exactly what the person will say.\n\nThat was hard for me because I wanted to control it. I would plan what they might ask, what I would answer and which words might be difficult. When they were actually talking, I could still be working through my own next sentence.\n\nLearning to let go of some of that planning felt like a leap. I wanted to hear the conversation and find my words as it happened. I failed a lot of times while learning. Somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked.\n\n## The order changed after I started talking\n\nIn one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The person told me they didn't have liquor and could make me a Coke. I had forgotten. I had been there another night and had a beer. So I asked for a Stella.\n\nThen I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash. They said I could. There were practical things to work out after I had already made my first request.\n\nI said, “So, see, this is real life. That was fun.” I knew what I had wanted to order, but I had to hear what was available and respond. The conversation had changed while we were having it.\n\n## There was more than one skill to practice\n\nGetting myself to approach was one part. Asking a question was another. Then I had to listen, respond and learn to be there while I felt nervous.\n\nI could also learn from an exchange that stayed short. In the bookstore recording, I talked about a comment that did not become a conversation. It was fine. I wasn't trying to turn every person I passed into a long discussion.\n\n[The daily commitment](/daily-stuttering-practice) gave me repeated chances to do this. Before I could drive, I used opportunities at stores with my parents or at school. Later, I could go to more places myself.\n\n## I had to find out what held up outside the book\n\nI read ideas and tried them in classrooms, at work, on calls and in conversations. I failed more often than I found success at first. Over time, I built on what worked and refined my own way of doing things.\n\nThat is what I mean when I say the ideas can sound simple and the practice can take a long time. Understanding a sentence and using it in a situation were different parts of my work.\n\n## What I meant when we discussed exposure\n\nIn a conversation about practicing, I said, “Let's call it exposure therapy but with the goal of fluency.” I was explaining the intention I brought to going out: I wanted to work on how I approached, how I talked and how I felt in an exchange.\n\nThat phrase describes how I explained my own practice in that conversation. The work I am describing here is concrete: go somewhere, ask something, hear the answer and learn from what happens. [Preparing](/preparing-without-scripting) had a place, and so did the actual attempt.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [What is my Once-a-Day Challenge?](/daily-stuttering-practice)\n- [Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech?](/positive-thinking-and-stuttering)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n",
  "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations",
  "sections": [
    {
      "id": "reading-content",
      "heading": null,
      "heading_level": null,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#reading-content",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "I wanted my speech at school, at work, with friends, in a coffee shop and when somebody asked me something I didn't expect. Those were the places where I lived. That was where I wanted to be able to talk.\n\nI had help from kind people in speech therapy. I appreciated that. But I was still struggling when I went back into my ordinary life, and I wanted to work out what I could carry into those situations.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "a6d92b2829da9c3903e2dc36897ba3d551600f0af125c1ae25639a80bf8f0dbc"
    },
    {
      "id": "another-person-can-change-the-whole-exchange",
      "heading": "Another person can change the whole exchange",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#another-person-can-change-the-whole-exchange",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## Another person can change the whole exchange\n\nA conversation has somebody else's words in it. I can know the subject and have a few things in mind, but I don't know exactly what the person will say.\n\nThat was hard for me because I wanted to control it. I would plan what they might ask, what I would answer and which words might be difficult. When they were actually talking, I could still be working through my own next sentence.\n\nLearning to let go of some of that planning felt like a leap. I wanted to hear the conversation and find my words as it happened. I failed a lot of times while learning. Somebody would say something, and I wasn't quick enough or I blocked.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "d450c6601725a0909733934e6c9868e8ffa57b9ed0fec8601f8325b7a7e1ef23"
    },
    {
      "id": "the-order-changed-after-i-started-talking",
      "heading": "The order changed after I started talking",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#the-order-changed-after-i-started-talking",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## The order changed after I started talking\n\nIn one recording, I asked for a Jack and Coke. The person told me they didn't have liquor and could make me a Coke. I had forgotten. I had been there another night and had a beer. So I asked for a Stella.\n\nThen I found out they didn't take cash. I asked whether I could tip in cash. They said I could. There were practical things to work out after I had already made my first request.\n\nI said, “So, see, this is real life. That was fun.” I knew what I had wanted to order, but I had to hear what was available and respond. The conversation had changed while we were having it.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "cb101f58c1effcf6c6e2d49e1ad3022fd296f3c6f3894018c90329350a4627a3"
    },
    {
      "id": "there-was-more-than-one-skill-to-practice",
      "heading": "There was more than one skill to practice",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#there-was-more-than-one-skill-to-practice",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## There was more than one skill to practice\n\nGetting myself to approach was one part. Asking a question was another. Then I had to listen, respond and learn to be there while I felt nervous.\n\nI could also learn from an exchange that stayed short. In the bookstore recording, I talked about a comment that did not become a conversation. It was fine. I wasn't trying to turn every person I passed into a long discussion.\n\n[The daily commitment](/daily-stuttering-practice) gave me repeated chances to do this. Before I could drive, I used opportunities at stores with my parents or at school. Later, I could go to more places myself.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "8c6cb87363a00215901324593175212dfd6e0765816ca9ceab953b0c307277f5"
    },
    {
      "id": "i-had-to-find-out-what-held-up-outside-the-book",
      "heading": "I had to find out what held up outside the book",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#i-had-to-find-out-what-held-up-outside-the-book",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## I had to find out what held up outside the book\n\nI read ideas and tried them in classrooms, at work, on calls and in conversations. I failed more often than I found success at first. Over time, I built on what worked and refined my own way of doing things.\n\nThat is what I mean when I say the ideas can sound simple and the practice can take a long time. Understanding a sentence and using it in a situation were different parts of my work.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "e7bfe7537fe0a20a89f7100853486d387316bb137e0d13c6efb036c776650ba5"
    },
    {
      "id": "what-i-meant-when-we-discussed-exposure",
      "heading": "What I meant when we discussed exposure",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#what-i-meant-when-we-discussed-exposure",
      "role": "source_context",
      "source_markdown": "## What I meant when we discussed exposure\n\nIn a conversation about practicing, I said, “Let's call it exposure therapy but with the goal of fluency.” I was explaining the intention I brought to going out: I wanted to work on how I approached, how I talked and how I felt in an exchange.\n\nThat phrase describes how I explained my own practice in that conversation. The work I am describing here is concrete: go somewhere, ask something, hear the answer and learn from what happens. [Preparing](/preparing-without-scripting) had a place, and so did the actual attempt.\n\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "fe4c92f7f958911ccbd5efac5394725e9ac6e5d1785e11f8345b4c460cab6aa2"
    },
    {
      "id": "related-answers",
      "heading": "Related answers",
      "heading_level": 2,
      "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/stuttering-practice-in-real-conversations#related-answers",
      "role": "navigation",
      "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [What is my Once-a-Day Challenge?](/daily-stuttering-practice)\n- [Was changing my beliefs enough to change my speech?](/positive-thinking-and-stuttering)\n",
      "source_span_sha256": "b76c265e5a00bdc824a29b1178e64ef766d882d10d54250d791806cee4cf025d"
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  "related_book_sections": []
}