{ "schema_version": "1.0", "id": "CC-003", "title": "How do I start a conversation when I stutter?", "topic": "Conversations and practice", "author": { "name": "Craig Coffee", "id": "https://usedtostutter.com/craig-coffee#person" }, "canonical_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter", "access": "public", "content_kind": "author_published_article", "context_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/about-this-material", "source_sha256": "1f30ef6277d3dbe7107e66b942e1b72c0d1c1b3ac3568d196adb7c053b1f1891", "source_markdown": "# How do I start a conversation when I stutter?\n\nBy [Craig Coffee](/craig-coffee)\n\nI start with something in front of us. Something we can both see, something that just happened, or something we have in common. That is where I find the little spark for a conversation.\n\nI used to stand there trying to work it all out. What was I going to say? What if they asked me something back? Which word would I get stuck on? The conversation hadn't even started, and I was already busy with all of it.\n\nLearning to take an opening as it appeared took practice. I had to trust that I could find the next words when the next part happened.\n\n## The man looking at cookies\n\nIn the grocery store, a man was looking at cookies. I said they looked good and that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I told him I used to eat a lot of junk food, then asked, “how about you?”\n\nHis answer was that he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I moved on.\n\nThe cookies were the thing we were both looking at. His answer gave me the next part. That little exchange was enough for me to show the practice: notice something, say something, hear the answer and respond.\n\n## Something that happens right in front of you\n\nAt the market, a man threw something toward a trash can and missed. I saw it and said, “Hey, so that was pretty close man.” I commented in the moment, while we both knew what had happened.\n\nLater, I opened another exchange with, “Go Gators man!” I'm a Florida graduate and a Gator fan. We talked about the team, the coach and the recruiting class. That was something I actually enjoyed talking about, and it gave the conversation somewhere to go.\n\nThose are different openings, but both came from being there and noticing. [The market recording](/talking-in-crowds-when-you-stutter) shows several of those small moments.\n\n## What happened when I hesitated?\n\nI developed what I called my 3 Second Rule. I could see an opportunity, start thinking about it, and very quickly make it harder for myself. The moment would turn into another round of planning and fear.\n\nIf I was going to approach, I wanted to take the opening. If I had already got caught in that hesitation, I would skip that person. That was a rule I used for my own practice. The point was the pattern I recognized in myself: waiting there could turn a spontaneous comment into something I had rehearsed and worried over.\n\n## A question gives the other person room\n\nOne question I use is, “Are you from around here?” When someone tells me they're from somewhere else, I can ask, “How did you find your way here?” I want to be curious about the person and [follow what they give me](/following-up-in-a-conversation).\n\nI have tried different ways of asking. You don't have to memorize my exact phrase. I want a question or comment that belongs in the situation, followed by enough attention to hear the answer.\n\nIn an ordinary conversation, I usually don't begin by introducing myself. That opening didn't work well for me. I start with what is happening, then let the conversation develop.\n\n## Sometimes the comment stays a comment\n\nIn the bookstore, I commented on something happening near me and chose not to stay in the exchange. I also talked about a comment that didn't start a conversation. That was fine; it wasn't really one I wanted to start.\n\nSome interactions are short. Others go somewhere. I don't get to know which one it will be before I speak. That uncertainty was something I had to practice being around.\n\nI blocked plenty of times while learning this. Sometimes I wasn't quick enough. But that is the work I am showing: taking a real opening and learning [how to be in the exchange](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech), instead of trying to write both sides of it first.\n\n## Related answers\n\n- [How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech?](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech)\n- [What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group?](/joining-a-group-conversation-when-you-stutter)\n\n[Find your question](/questions)\n", "relative_link_base": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter", "sections": [ { "id": "reading-content", "heading": null, "heading_level": null, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#reading-content", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "I start with something in front of us. Something we can both see, something that just happened, or something we have in common. That is where I find the little spark for a conversation.\n\nI used to stand there trying to work it all out. What was I going to say? What if they asked me something back? Which word would I get stuck on? The conversation hadn't even started, and I was already busy with all of it.\n\nLearning to take an opening as it appeared took practice. I had to trust that I could find the next words when the next part happened.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "bccdbfcab25ef1b7f955c265dc930023b8953dd25dcfdc72c723eaf1b4a7a1d3" }, { "id": "the-man-looking-at-cookies", "heading": "The man looking at cookies", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#the-man-looking-at-cookies", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## The man looking at cookies\n\nIn the grocery store, a man was looking at cookies. I said they looked good and that if they were on sale, I was in trouble. I told him I used to eat a lot of junk food, then asked, “how about you?”\n\nHis answer was that he was diabetic and couldn't touch it. I said, “But you still look at it. Smart.” Then I moved on.\n\nThe cookies were the thing we were both looking at. His answer gave me the next part. That little exchange was enough for me to show the practice: notice something, say something, hear the answer and respond.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "d142a651522fdd65a3edc07c59cf97b61cca6046152c86f3738aa83c614eb98d" }, { "id": "something-that-happens-right-in-front-of-you", "heading": "Something that happens right in front of you", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#something-that-happens-right-in-front-of-you", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## Something that happens right in front of you\n\nAt the market, a man threw something toward a trash can and missed. I saw it and said, “Hey, so that was pretty close man.” I commented in the moment, while we both knew what had happened.\n\nLater, I opened another exchange with, “Go Gators man!” I'm a Florida graduate and a Gator fan. We talked about the team, the coach and the recruiting class. That was something I actually enjoyed talking about, and it gave the conversation somewhere to go.\n\nThose are different openings, but both came from being there and noticing. [The market recording](/talking-in-crowds-when-you-stutter) shows several of those small moments.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "7cc5b92d73ec9b522f6c4295c39c7e9dfde100362da96f9c97443704688daf79" }, { "id": "what-happened-when-i-hesitated", "heading": "What happened when I hesitated?", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#what-happened-when-i-hesitated", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## What happened when I hesitated?\n\nI developed what I called my 3 Second Rule. I could see an opportunity, start thinking about it, and very quickly make it harder for myself. The moment would turn into another round of planning and fear.\n\nIf I was going to approach, I wanted to take the opening. If I had already got caught in that hesitation, I would skip that person. That was a rule I used for my own practice. The point was the pattern I recognized in myself: waiting there could turn a spontaneous comment into something I had rehearsed and worried over.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "979ac39758dd808e88840da02903d0df828ca9712af8dbd243b01a86842ecd5d" }, { "id": "a-question-gives-the-other-person-room", "heading": "A question gives the other person room", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#a-question-gives-the-other-person-room", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## A question gives the other person room\n\nOne question I use is, “Are you from around here?” When someone tells me they're from somewhere else, I can ask, “How did you find your way here?” I want to be curious about the person and [follow what they give me](/following-up-in-a-conversation).\n\nI have tried different ways of asking. You don't have to memorize my exact phrase. I want a question or comment that belongs in the situation, followed by enough attention to hear the answer.\n\nIn an ordinary conversation, I usually don't begin by introducing myself. That opening didn't work well for me. I start with what is happening, then let the conversation develop.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "97cf88d6f8b66fccc491fb18fe1ebe1c70d4f5950472472052be2d8fcb3bccdf" }, { "id": "sometimes-the-comment-stays-a-comment", "heading": "Sometimes the comment stays a comment", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#sometimes-the-comment-stays-a-comment", "role": "source_context", "source_markdown": "## Sometimes the comment stays a comment\n\nIn the bookstore, I commented on something happening near me and chose not to stay in the exchange. I also talked about a comment that didn't start a conversation. That was fine; it wasn't really one I wanted to start.\n\nSome interactions are short. Others go somewhere. I don't get to know which one it will be before I speak. That uncertainty was something I had to practice being around.\n\nI blocked plenty of times while learning this. Sometimes I wasn't quick enough. But that is the work I am showing: taking a real opening and learning [how to be in the exchange](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech), instead of trying to write both sides of it first.\n\n", "source_span_sha256": "75b08cc0b6d1aa53206ed84602c1eaf43740deac7d3cd5cc04b5d8f3c38acd20" }, { "id": "related-answers", "heading": "Related answers", "heading_level": 2, "citation_url": "https://usedtostutter.com/starting-conversations-when-you-stutter#related-answers", "role": "navigation", "source_markdown": "## Related answers\n\n- [How do I listen when I am worrying about my speech?](/listening-without-monitoring-your-speech)\n- [What did I do when I saw an opening to speak to a group?](/joining-a-group-conversation-when-you-stutter)\n", "source_span_sha256": "e6133bea24c6f64074f9b6e1ce05c3e1ed11b22c1880514c129cf6f8cee9053f" } ], "related_book_sections": [ { "id": "are-you-from-around-here", "title": "ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE?", "url": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/are-you-from-around-here", "formats": { "json": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/are-you-from-around-here.json", "xml": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/are-you-from-around-here.xml", "md": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/are-you-from-around-here.md", "txt": "https://usedtostutter.com/reader/book/editions/corrected-2026-10-04-9e1d376a993f/chapters/are-you-from-around-here.txt" } } ] }